Last week I spoke to you about the need to throw traditions by the way side if the principles of the gospel or models of the New Testament dictate the need to do so. I’m changing my mind about that this week. Well, not really, but I am going to try to provide the balance to that statement.
There is however a need in our society and in Christianity for rituals and traditions. The questions are which ones and why do we struggle with this issue so much?
Historically speaking what is the ideal American male? John Wayne! A rugged individualist who can start and end a bar fight all by himself and then go home and romantically woo the leading lady. When America was young and forming its identity separate and apart from its European roots one of the most important things that we wanted was in fact separation.
We wanted separation from the tyranny of our past. We wanted separation from the laws. We wanted separation from the religion and many other aspects of life that all have traditional baggage that must be thrown away. Therefore we threw out much of tradition that had been handed down to us. This was especially true of religion. The problem is that we did not know that people naturally develop traditions without even trying.
Because we are by nature always seeking ease and comfort we tend to develop routines, which become traditions without us realizing it. One of those traditions is to throw away or replace everything that appears to be tied to the religious ritualism of the not so perfect past.
(Luke 2:39-52) When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. {40} And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him. {41} Every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover. {42} When he was twelve years old, they went up to the Feast, according to the custom. {43} After the Feast was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. {44} Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. {45} When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. {46} After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. {47} Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. {48} When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you." {49} "Why were you searching for me?" he asked. "Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?" {50} But they did not understand what he was saying to them. {51} Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. {52} And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.
Try to imagine if you will walking into Jerusalem for the first time and seeing all of this activity that seems to be surrounding the reason you have came. Everyone along the road that you are traveling seems to have items of ritual with them. As Jesus takes in all that is going on around Him, He begins to put the pieces of the puzzle together. All of those scriptures that He has read in Isaiah are now becoming much more real to Him. He is beginning to see his roll in all this ritual. He even begins to see that His destiny will one day have Him return to Jerusalem on this day.
If ritual and tradition were capable of helping the Son of God to mature surely they are good enough for my son. The question again is which ones?
The task before us as a society is to find ways to mature the young men in our society through a productive and spiritual means that will help stem the tide of fatherless homes and leaderless churches. Reading the above text makes it clear that Jesus grew up in community that shared responsibility for raising one another’s children. Joseph and Mary were not horrible parents that would forget that they were responsible for this miraculous child. It seemed to be natural for a large group of people to travel with one another and share responsibility for someone else’s child. In my own childhood it was not uncommon for me to be disciplined by friends of my parents or mentored by other adults. There is a natural setting for school and Bible class teachers fill this vital roll however there is also a great need for others to step into this void as well. We need men and women in our churches to make themselves available to mentor the children of their brothers and sisters in Christ as well as children from the community.
I make an effort to pick friends that I want to spend time with that will be a good example to my children. I try to make opportunities to allow My son and Daughter to spend time with other Godly adults away form my presence. My wife and I are also implementing some personal “Koone Family Traditions”.
When our Daughter, Danisha turned 14 we gave her a very nice diamond ring as a covenant ring. We explained that this was a sign of a covenant that we wanted her to enter into with God first, her parents second, and her future husband third to keep herself spiritually, physically and sexually pure. We discussed all the things that go into those elements of life and the fact that this ring would not only serve as a reminder to her of this covenant, but that it would serve a conversation piece or a testimony to others of her conviction and hopefully encourage them to make the same types of commitments. We are planning to do the same types of things with our son at important times in his life as well as finding other milestones to celebrate and use in the maturing process with both our children.
In his book, Raising “A Modern-Day Knight”, Robert Lewis addresses the subject of ritual and tradition with regard to the responsibility of raising boys to become the men our society and churches need to lead us into the future.
Modern culture does little to harness the energy and passions of men for good. This may well explain why men are responsible much of our social upheaval. For example:
Men commit 90 percent of major crimes.
Men commit 100 percent of rapes.
Men commit 95 percent of burglaries.
Men commit 91 percent of the offenses against the family.
Men comprise 94 percent of drunk drivers.
Boys become men in the presence of a clear vision for manhood. Which is to say that if no one ever takes the time and effort to mentor them into a Biblical idea of manhood they will be forced to learn it from MTV or whatever tool satan will choose to use. It is not easy and it is not done in 30 second sound bites. It takes time. It takes creativity. It takes help from other godly men. It should be done in community and in the guidance and providence of the Lord who is the ultimate Father and Husband.
But as the writer of Proverbs notes, "Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained" (29:18).
Boys get out of control. And society suffers.
After a lifetime of studying cultures and civilizations, both ancient and modern, the eminent anthropologist Margaret Mead made the following observation: "The central problem of every society is to define appropriate roles for the men." Author George Gilder adds: "Wise societies provide ample means for young men to affirm themselves without afflicting others.
Psychologically, men are far more fragile than women. Men struggle with their identity much more than women do. Though feminists would have us believe that poor self-esteem is largely a female problem, caused primarily by social inequities, the evidence tells a different story. "Men, more than women," says David Blankenhorn, "are culture-made." For this reason, a cultural definition of manhood is critical.
Robert Lewis suggests that a Biblical ideal for manhood would be describe by the following:
1. A Real Man Rejects Passivity.
2. A Real Man Accepts Responsibility.
3. A Real Man Leads Courageously.
4. A Real Man Expects The Greater Reward.
Howard and William Hendricks discuss this idea in their book, As Iron Sharpens Iron, They discuss the three relationships that every man needs in his life and aspects of traditions that could be established to help men become all that God intended.
They suggest that all men need three unique relationships in their lives described as a Paul, a Barnabas and a Timothy. Men need relationships that fit these categories separate and apart from their wives. They suggest that the “Paul” is a mentor that a man can look to for advice and leadership modeling. The “Barnabas” would be a man that encourages and stands beside us no matter what our failures and short comings and helps to keep our feet on solid ground during the high moments in life. And obviously the “Timothy” is a person that we feel a sense of responsibility toward for mentoring and helping them grow in the grace and the knowledge of Jesus Christ.
Jesus obviously was raised in this environment of tradition and ritual and if it was good enough for Him it must be something that we as 21st century Christians need to explore. I don’t have all the answers for how you should apply this in your particular situation but some suggestions would be for the men and women of this church to get together and form some partnerships with all these things in mind. I know that it must be done in excellence and bathed in prayer. I also know that whatever you decide to pursue should not be made as a prerequisite for fellowship nor should we look down on those who do not see things exactly as we may.
The Son of God was blessed by these types of relationships as was David and Saul and countless other great men and women of faith recorded in the Bible or even in our modern history. Perhaps in a society the is continually shifting and moving further into the sea of pluralism we need a few more markers on the road to maturity as Christians in this world.
