We have all been taught to be unselfish. “Share your toys”, we say to our children. I am pretty sure that was said in the King household, with seven pairs of hands grabbing for the same stuffed animal. “Let your brother have some of your candy bar; you must not be selfish.” All very well, except that with five hungry brothers hovering over you, what does that leave for you yourself?! Nonetheless, we have all been taught to be unselfish. It’s the right thing, it’s the necessary thing, it’s even the Christian thing. Parents even drag in Jesus to reinforce this. “If anyone asks of you your coat, give him your cloak also.” Well, but Jesus, if I had an extra cloak – but I don’t. It’s not much fun to be unselfish, but it is the right way, the Christian way, and we have all been told that numerous times.
However, there comes a time when good spiritual health dictates that we do something for ourselves. There comes a time when self-care is right, and is an expression of the grace of God. Such a time came for John King; and such a time has come for the King family. This is a time for you to take care of yourselves.
In the passage I read, from Paul’s letter to Timothy, as short as it is, Paul used the word “me” four times. It’s jarring to hear that, if we are in the habit of thinking that we ought to take ourselves and our needs out of the picture. “For me” he says. “For me” and “to me”. Sounds like the me-ism of our own generation; feels like the shampoo model who purrs, “I’m worth it.” “For me” – what is this? Doesn’t sound very spiritual, does it?
But Paul has come a long way by this time. Paul has been through a great deal. He has traveled many journeys, he has been imprisoned more than once, he has suffered shipwreck and mob violence and Roman justice, a tremendous amount. And worse, he has suffered the disappointments that sting the sharpest because they come from the people he loved most, the people of his churches. Paul has been through a great deal, and knows that he does not have long to live. It is a different time in his life. It is not missionary journey time or stand-up in the arena time or even fight the theological fight time. It is a different time. It is time for Paul to take care of Paul. It is his time for himself.
I believe that John King came also to such a time. And I believe that this is such a time for his family. Self-care time. What must we know about that?
I
First, Paul says that he has fought the good fight. He has done battle where he was called to do so. Against enemies of the gospel he has fought, not always victorious, but always confident that he was doing what was right. And always confident that the battle was worth the sacrifice. “I have fought the good fight”.
John King too was a fighter. John was proud of his service to his country, and was awarded a variety of medals and citations for that service. The family has provided a display of John’s military medals, and that’s right, because John himself loved to show them. John fought his country’s fight, and paid an awesome price for victory. He bore the scars of battle to the very end.
But John fought other battles as well. John fought a battle against illness. His health was fragile for a long time. But I think that instinctively he knew that he could not yield to that illness, that it had to be fought, not only for the sake of a family who needed him, but also just for himself. When John would need to go to the hospital to adjust his medication, none of us blamed him for anything. None of us thought ill of him for that. We know that we cannot spend ourselves without replenishing, or else we are no good to anyone. John fought the good fight against his illness, and to have come well past three-score-and-ten is no small achievement.
Some of us in this room, the preacher included, need to learn that lesson in self-care – that when we think we are being heroic and do not take care of our own health, we are in fact setting things up so that we will cheat others of what we say we want to give them. We need to learn from John to fight the good fight for our own health.
And John fought long and hard also against the enemy of shortage. He worked so very hard to support his family. It was his crowning ambition to see each one fed and housed and clothed, cared for with dignity and with love. Some of you have said that you saw too little of him when you were young, because he spent such long hours working to support you. I personally know that money was always a concern to John, because whenever I would see him, he would invariably ask about this church with the question, “How’s the church budget?”. If I could tell him the church budget was on the upswing, he would be pleased. And it is, John, it is!
And yet, here too John knew how to do self-care. John worked hard, but he knew when to stop working and to play. He knew that sometimes you stop and pitch a baseball game, you stop and take your kids to the ice cream shop, you stop and rest. That is healthy self-care, and we need to learn it from John. I had a pastor once who always talked about “filling each minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run.” For him, life was work, work, work. The trouble with that was that he made everybody else around him feel inferior.
Like Paul, John fought the good fight, and whether it was won or lost, it was over; so it became time to let the wounds heal, time to care for himself, and time just to relax in the presence of the Lord. Self-care time. Let the Kings (and others) who have ears to hear, let them hear.
II
But then Paul goes on. Not only does he claim to have fought the good fight; he announces that he has finished the race. Paul must have been an athlete; he loved to use metaphors drawn from sports. Paul says that he has finished the race. He does not suggest that he has won the race, but that he has finished it. It’s not a competition against others; it’s a challenge to himself.
I think of these marathons – Marine Corps, Boston – where people run 25 or 30 miles. Sure, someone comes in in first place. But most of the people in those marathons do not, in their wildest dreams, expect to win or even to come close. What they hope to do is to finish. To get across the finish line, 25 or 30 miles later, even if it is three hours behind the winner. It’s not about competition with others; it’s about meeting the goal.
John King’s goal, John King’s race, was to raise his children and see them launched into their callings. For each of you he had dreams and hopes. He did not dictate what each of you were to do with your life, but he did have expectations. He did not think of you as competitors, but thought of each of you individually, with unique possibilities. He wanted each of you to accomplish what you could, but without any need to compare yourselves with your brothers or sisters. Be who you are! That is healthy self-care. John saw that; John finished the race.
The issue with some of us today is that we can never be good enough. We can never be good enough for the critic on the sidelines. We can never be good enough for a parent who keeps the pressure on. Worst of all, we can never be good enough for ourselves. Our self-esteem sinks lower and lower. Oh, let us learn both from the Apostle Paul and from our brother John King how to receive the grace of God! Let us learn to run our own race and let others run theirs. Let us finish our own course and not worry where others are in theirs. Self-care means attending to our own needs, at our own pace, and simply receiving the grace of God for it all. “I have finished the race.”
III
And finally, not only does Paul claim to have fought the good fight, and not only does he announce that he has finished the race. Paul also assures us that he has kept the faith. He has taken the experience on the road to Damascus, so many years before, and has held it close to his heart, he has let it mature, he has grown it, so that at the end of his life it is his own, precious and tried and true. He has kept the faith.
John King – what a road he traveled! What a faith journey! For half a century John was married to one of the most extraordinary women we have known. Sallie Fitzgerald King had an unshakeable faith, a knowledge of the Scriptures, and a sweet, sweet spirit that was evident to all. When many of us gathered some eighteen months ago to say farewell to Sallie, we knew we were celebrating someone special. Her faith was full and complete and mature.
But what about John’s? Who knew about John’s faith? Was John his own man before the Lord, or was he simply Sallie’s husband, tagging along with her? Was John in fellowship with Christ on his own, or was he just mimicking Sallie’s allegiance?
These past weeks and months have settled that question, if indeed it ever was a question. These past weeks and months have been a time of spiritual work for John, and his family members have been privileged to witness it. Within the limitations imposed by his illness, John spoke his own faith, clearly and unequivocally. He prayed his own prayers. He recited his own Scriptures, whispered his own hymns. John reviewed his own life travels – the road that led through Shepherd Park and Clifton Park and Takoma Park as well as his own road to Damascus – and met there the Christ who had loved him all along. John kept the faith. See the grace of God in this – that God loved John enough to give him time to make sure of this spiritual gift.
We talked about this the other day. I quipped that it has been said that God has no grandchildren. God has no grandchildren, because each of us must come to faith on our own. No one can do your spiritual work for you. This is a task of self-care you must do for yourself. And this is a time for each one, in your hearts, to search out who you are, where you are, and whose you are. It will not do just to be Sallie King’s daughter or John King’s son. Fight the good fight, finish the race, and, most of all, find and keep the faith, for yourself.
King family, care for yourselves. Look out for your health, attend to your relationships, pay attention to your fellowship with God. Recognize that you have come to a new and different time, when there is no parent to look to any longer. You are to be your own – and yet you are not your own, for you are bought with a price. You belong to Christ. You can care for yourself in Him and in His will.
And then, one day, it can be said of you as today it is said of your father, “For me”. “For me there is reserved the crown of righteousness.” “For me the Lord will give on that day.” For John King not only but also to all who have longed for Christ and for His appearing. For John, for you, and even for me.
