How to be a Great Friend
Various Scriptures
May 5, 2002
Introduction
It’s been said that a dog is man’s best friend. And depending on who he hangs out with, that might be true for some men.
Groucho Marx once said that outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside a dog it’s too dark to read.
Well, we want to talk about how to be a great friend.
Great friends are hard to find sometimes, amen? You can’t just trust your innermost feelings to just anyone.
They might get discarded as so much rubbish or stomped on out of callous disregard.
We all need someone we can go to for help, counsel, or just to be with, because we know they care and they know us well enough to be honest if we ask their opinion about something.
The kind of friend who laughs at our jokes, even if they are not always funny. Well, maybe not, but they will tell you they’re not funny in a nice way most of the time.
That’s the kind of friend we want. But to get that kind of friend, we need to be that kind of friend, so we’re going to look at what it means to be a great friend by looking at a number of Scriptures that outline how to be the kind of friend we wish others were.
Let’s get started, shall we?
I. Be There.
I want us to look at three passages from Scripture dealing with being there. We won’t take the time to discuss all of them, but I want you to get the general principle, okay?
First,…
PR 17:17 A friend loves at all times…
Notice that doesn’t say, “a friend loves when he feels like it.”
Next,…
PR 27:10 Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father.
Here we’re cautioned to not leave our friend when they need us, and also to be there for the friends of our parents.
This honors both your father’s friend, and maybe more importantly, honors your parent.
When I looked back at some of my dad’s friends, I saw how it would honor my dad to see that his friends could count on me if they needed it.
A passage often used for weddings is this next one:
ECC 4:10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
A question:
How many of you remember the Carole King song, You’ve Got a Friend?
You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am, I’ll come runnin’, to see you again.
Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, all you got to do is call, and I’ll be there, yes I will.
You’ve got a friend.
The idea of the song is that a friend is always available.
How many of you remember Saturday Night Live, back in the old days, when used to be funny?
One time, Steve Martin was a guest, and he did this incredibly funny bit about the Carole King song.
In the sketch, Steve Martin is walking the Carole King character back from a date. He asks to come in, but Carole says that she’s busy trying to finish a song and can’t take anymore time that evening.
He gives up, and decides to just hang out outside Carole’s apartment building. Next you see Carole through her window at her piano.
All of a sudden, a couple guys come up and mug Steve Martin, stabbing him, and leaving him for dead.
Just then, Carole starts the chorus,
You just call out my name…
And Steve Martin starts screaming, “Carole! Carole!” But she can’t hear him because she is singing.
Finally a commentator comes on, and says that Carole was so touched by the tragedy of her friend that she wrote her next hit, It’s Too Late, Baby.
Well, we need to be there to be a great friend.
Just a caution, though. This does not mean you should let people make demands on you that take away from more important obligations of God and family.
Let’s move on to the next part of being a great friend,…
II. Be Honest.
You’d think I wouldn’t need to say that, wouldn’t you? But unfortunately, we are so careful to spare our friends’ feelings that we aren’t always up front about concerns we have for them.
Sometimes we need to confront some things, that if not addressed, can not only harm your relationship, but it can lead to harm in other areas, and in other relationships.
PR 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Now some of you are thinking, “I can think of some people I would like to “wound, hee hee hee.”
You can’t wait to get home and give some friendly wounds!
Well, I hate to disappoint you, but the idea here is that we are honest not so we can score some points for revenge, but because it will benefit them.
The book of Ephesians tells us that we are only to say those things that will build up that person, benefiting those who hear.
How can you be negative and build someone up?
You first need to check your motives. If your motive is to look superior, or to make the person look bad, then your motive is wrong.
If you are genuinely concerned about the welfare of that person, then you need to search your heart to make sure you are not part of the problem.
After you have given it over to God, and made certain you are not blind to something in your own life, then ask God for the right words.
Words that will convey concern, be able to verbalize the problem clearly, and possibly offer a solution.
A pastor friend of mine tells of the time in his first pastorate one of the senior statesmen of the church approached him.
He needed to discuss what he saw was a shortcoming in the preacher, and he took the time to prepare.
When he got alone with the pastor, he started off by saying, “I’ve been praying about how to talk to you about this.” And as his eyes filled with tears, he shared his concern about the young pastor.
It was obvious to the pastor that this guy wasn’t just looking for something to complain about. He was genuinely concerned about him and it showed in how he talked.
And the pastor had to admit that the gentleman was correct in his observations, and made adjustments to be better.
The pastor would not have been so ready to adjust if he felt this gentleman was just being a kill-joy.
Sometimes we need to say “no” to a friend who is taking advantage of our friendship and being manipulative.
And they need to hear it.
But let me give you another tid-bit here. Be nice about it, okay? Don’t go in with both barrels blazing, fire in your eyes, and smoke coming out your nose like some wild stallion.
Calm yourself before going, asking God to guide your words and your attitude.
Let’s take a look at the third passage for this section:
PR 27:9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.
One of the greatest cements that bonds a great friendship is the availability of being a sounding board for ideas, thoughts, new insights, or whatever.
There are some people that you can go to and know that they will not laugh at your idea, or belittle you for it.
Even if they don’t support the idea, they will always support you. And that’s what friends are really for, aren’t they? Support?
They can offer advice because they know you will listen and consider it thoughtfully. You won’t just toss it aside, because you value them and they value you.
Great friends can be honest, giving loving correction when needed, and offering wise counsel.
The third part of being a great friend is to…
III. Be Christ-like.
Did you know that Christ is a great friend? He called His disciples friends, because they were about the Father’s business.
I’m going to close the message a little later with some words on being a friend of Christ, but I want to point out something here.
Jesus was a friend to other people as well. Take a look at the passage in your outline from Matthew 11:
Matt 11:19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, `Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners."
Would anyone accuse you of being a friend of sinners? Some of you might be thinking, “Man , I sure hope not! Ugh!! We’re supposed be separated from that stuff, remember?
Let me tell you something. One of my biggest hopes for my family’s and my ministry here in Aberdeen is to be recognized as a friend of sinners.
In case you haven’t noticed, sinners don’t seem to beating down the door trying to get in here. We discussed that last week.
Someone needs to go out there. Paul says,
RO 10:14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? 15 And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
Jesus came to proclaim freedom for the captives, and we need to take that great news to those who need to hear it.
Being a friend of sinners doesn’t mean that I partake in their sin, but rather that I love them in spite of it, offering freedom from it in the name of Christ.
Once again, let me remind you that you were a sinner once, too. And Jesus came and sought you out so you could have forgiveness and eternal life.
And that leads me to the next passage in your outline:
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
Now that would be easy for you or me to say, but Jesus said this, and He said it just hours before He would prove it to them by dying on the cross.
Are you willing to set aside your agenda for your friend when he or she really needs it?
Can your friend count on you to the very end?
I can name some friends for whom I could die if necessary, and I hope they feel the same way about me.
I pray that you have that same kind of friend. If not, then you need to develop that kind of friendship, and see it given back in return.
Let me bring this to where the rubber meets the road.
Can you imagine Jesus gossiping about His friends? Can you imagine Jesus pushing aside a friend because it was inconvenient to be bothered at the moment?
Can you imagine Jesus allowing a friend to pursue a harmful course without trying to stop him?
I don’t think so. He would be the best friend a person could have.
Be there, be honest, and be Christ-like.
Conclusion
We could go further, by listing such things like, “be forgiving,” “be considerate, or “be loving.” But I think you get where I’m coming from in this message.
I’m not saying it’s easy being a great friend, but I am saying it’s worth it.
For you married folk, you need to start with your spouse. God has been working on me in this area for some time now, and I’m getting a little tired of it. I wish He’d just leave me alone about it, but because He’s a great friend, He keeps bringing it up.
Thanks a lot, Jesus.
This world is filled with hurting people, who need a friend. They need you and they need me.
They need someone who will listen, care, and if necessary, wound them.
Work on your current friendships and take stock of where you can be a better friend to someone in particular. Then pray that God will show you specifically what you can do to enhance that friendship, for their benefit and for His glory.
Invitation
It starts by being a friend of God. If you have taken the step trusting Jesus to forgive your sins and give you a place in heaven, then you are a child of the Father, and a friend of Jesus.
The best friend we can have is Jesus. He has already made the first move.
Remember the verse we looked at saying that there is no greater love than to give your life for a friend?
He’s already done it for you. Now it’s your turn to respond.
Allow Him to be your Savior and friend, won’t you?
I’m going to pray in just a moment, and I’m going to pray first for those who would like to commit to enhancing some friendships to being great friendships. And then I want to pray for those who would like to respond to the call of Jesus to be His friend, to trust in Him for forgiveness and a home in heaven, so they can leave here today knowing they are a child of God.
Shall we pray.
