How to Become Mature in Christ like Love – I Cor. 13
Eph. 4:15 – Speaking the truth in love let us grow up in all aspects into Christ.
We live in a world that subtly influences our assumptions and perspectives about love. Recognize that we have to overcome the world’s way of thinking about love. We need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Back in the 80’s Tom Cruise rose to fame in the movie Top Gun where a Righteous Brothers song became very popular. It is the way that most of the media and people in this world tend to think about love. Most TV shows and movies today portray love in this way. (Gesture like Elvis) It goes, “You’ve lost that lovin feeling. Oh that loving feeling. You’ve lost that loving feeling now its gone, gone, gone, whoooowa!” We know that love has an Eros element of sentimental emotions to it.
There is no denying that Eros love has an element of feeling but it can also work to dull the senses:
A young man said to his father at breakfast one morning, "Dad, I’m going to get married."
"How do you know you’re ready to get married?" asked the father. "Are you in love?"
"I sure am," said the son.
"How do you know you’re in love?" asked the father.
"Last night as I was kissing my girlfriend good-night, her dog bit me and I didn’t feel the pain until I got home."
Although Eros love has a way of dulling the senses, it can act like Novocain. Eventually, the numbness goes away and we come back to our senses.
Agape love is not a euphoric state that we fall into. Love is a God given overflow of a concern for others that freely accepts them for who they are and seeks their good.
But the kind of love talked about in I Cor. 13 is the agape love that comes from God.
Agape draws its meaning directly from the revelation of God in Christ. It is not a form of natural affection, however, intense, but a supernatural fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22). It is a matter of will rather than feeling (for Christians must love even those they dislike -- Matt. 5:44-48). It is the basic element in Christ-likeness.
Read 1 Corinthians 13 and note what these verses have to say about the primacy (vv. 1-3) and permanence (vv. 8-13) of love; note too the profile of love (vv. 4-7) which we are to exemplify.
Definition - Love is an unconditional concern that freely accepts another and seeks their good. The problem is that many people content themselves in remaining at the lowest maturity level in their love and so become overcome with feelings of hurt, anger, fear or unmet needs or unrealized expectations. Consequently they have a very difficult time loving others because they are so fixated on their problems rather than on allowing the Holy Spirit to love through them. Paul said,
God has not given us the Spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-discipline. (2 Tim. 1:7) Let us look at five characteristics of that Christ like love if we want to know how to mature in our love for one another.
First, you can replace Christ for the word love in this passage and get a good idea of what agape is all about. Christ endures long, Christ is kind, He does not envy, does not try to impress others, is not conceited etc. (Give them the handout on love). Whenever you really want to grow in love consider how you can think, believe and act more like Christ in each of the fifteen areas on sheet you can have following chapel. (Christ endures long, Christ is kind, Christ is not envious, and He does not try to impress others. Christ is not conceited. Christ is not rude. Christ is not self-centered. Jesus is not touchy or resentful. Jesus does not bring up past offenses. He does not make a big deal of others’ misdeeds. He is genuinely glad when truth prevails. He bears with us through any difficulty. He is ready to believe that God’s best will prevail in our life. His hope is fadeless. He helps us endure every trial.
When you get tired of loving , consider Him who endured such sufferings of sinners against Himself and then you will not become weary or fainthearted in your love. (Heb 12:1-3) Here is a secret tip that might be useful to you:
1. Begin with Praise and Thanksgiving for the Love of Jesus Christ for you. When you praise and thank God for His great love you gain a greater appreciation for who your identity as one who is completely care for by the breadth, length, height and depth of his love. We used to sing the song as kids, “So high you can’t get over it , so low you can’t get under it, so wide you can’t get around it. Oh love of my soul.” Eph. 3:14-21 tells us that the love of God is broader than the measure of man’s mind, relationships, and experiences. It is higher than any mountain that might be standing in your way, it is deeper than any depression we might fall into, it is greater than any problem you will face because His love has no limits. When we praise and thank God for His love in our devotions everyday we gain a greater awareness of our security that helps us weather any discouragement. That is why Paul launches into a great praise of God’s love in Romans 8 where he writes, “Who shall can separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. Love helps us not be overcome with evil, but helps us overcome all types of evil with good. True, there will be many things that will try to separate you from God’s love but Praise and thanksgiving for His love remembers that He loves us and He promises to always do so. When we praise God for His love He gives us a richer sense of the benefits that His love accrues to us emotionally, relationally and spiritually. Praise gives us a greater insight into the power, confidence and assurance that He loves provides for us in every situation.
Illustration – Moody – Before Oxford, at the height of his ministry. Not a very educated man. He was often lacking in proper grammar. But the first phrase out of his mouth and the one that he used a refrain throughout his message was,
Don’t think that God don’t love you, Because He do! That talk so moved the heart of these academic elitists that more than 30 of them ended up as missionaries. Every Time Moody would go before an audience He would pray, Lord, God light me on fire. He could only do that when he had a love for His audience that resonated with the people he ministered to. You can be the most eloquent of preachers or teacher but if you don’t’ have a love for your audience it will be like resound brass or a tinkling cymbal.
A. God is love but some of the characteristics of his love are great descriptions of the attributes. Praise and thank Him for being an enduring God who is patient, long suffering toward us not willing that any should perish but that all would come to repentance. The Greek work is macro-themes – It is slow to lose patience. It does not show irritation, undue anger or exhibit a hot temper. Love is like a big rubber band that can stretch a long way without breaking or snapping under a great deal of stress. It has a patient concern that looks beyond the problem and sees the need of every person. It does not become apathetic, indifferent or claim to be burned out but draws upon the fresh power of Spirit’s love every moment. ( 2 Tim. 1:7)
2. Love bears up under any difficulty – Love knows how to live with the inconsistency of others and their circumstances. Love overcomes any temptation to become angry and lose control.
I remember when I first went to Nigeria every aspect of the people and the ministry was beautiful and especially promising to me. However, as the years rolled on the hardships of malaria, Satanic attacks, the stifling heat, false accusations, and armed robbers started to wear on me. Then one day I was listening to the Voice of America and on came song I first remember listening to during the days when I got my draft notice and had to go into the military during the Vietnam War.
Olivia Newton John gained great fame when she sang the song, “Lovin you is easy cause your beautiful.” That is not what I Cor. 13’s love is about. It more like lovin you regardless of whether your beautiful or not! I need to love people and the ministry you gave me Lord regardless of whether it is beautiful or not.
If a man loves a woman for her beauty, does he love her? No; for the smallpox, which destroys her beauty without killing her, causes his love to cease. And if any one loves me for my wisdom or my memory, does he really love me? No; for I can lose these qualities without ceasing to be. In other words, true love keeps on giving out of its God given concern regardless of another person’s appearance or condition. That is the power of agape love. God demonstrated his own love for us in that while we were sinners Christ died for us. Sin makes people ugly but true agape love shows concern despite outward appearances.
Pascal.
Whoever loves much, does much.
Thomas a’ Kempis.
3. Love is not self-centered – It learns to replace selfish interests with those of Christ’s kingdom concerns. It has a burden for winning the lost, seeing disciples made in every people group of the world and seeing the qualities of Christ exhibited in every aspect of one’s life.
To love at all is to be venerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin or your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is Hell.
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, Harcourt, Brace & World, Inc., 1960,
Dwight L. Moody once said, “Show me a church where there is love, and I will show you a church that is a power in the community. In Chicago a few years ago a little boy attended a Sunday school I know of. When his parents moved to another part of the city the little fellow still attended the same Sunday school, although it meant a long, tiresome walk each way. A friend asked him why he went so far, and told him that there were plenty of others just as good nearer his home.
"They may be as good for others, but not for me," was his reply.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Because they love a fellow over there," he replied.
If only we could make the world believe that we loved them there would be fewer empty churches, and a smaller proportion of our population who never darken a church door. Let love replace duty in our church relations, and the world will soon be evangelized.
Moody’s Anecdotes, pp. 71-72.
Oxenham wrote:
Love ever gives. Forgives, outlives, and ever stands with open hands. And while it lives, it gives, for this is love’s prerogative-- To give, and give, and give.
Love gives without thought of what it will get in return unlike this love letter lament:
Dearest Jimmy,
No words could ever express the great unhappiness I’ve felt since breaking our engagement. Please say you’ll take me back. No one could ever take your place in my heart, so please forgive me. I love you, I love you, and I love you! Yours forever, Marie.
P.S., And congratulations on willing the state lottery.
Love is not envious! – Love does not have a discontented longing for something that belongs to another. Love does not try to hold on to control of things, people or power for its own sake. Love is not possessive. Love does not insist on controlling schedules for its own interests.
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4. Love is not conceited – It is not self-centered.
Some years ago, Dr. Karl Menninger, noted doctor and psychologist, was seeking the cause of many of his patients’ ills. One day he called in his clinical staff and proceeded to unfold a plan for developing, in his clinic, an atmosphere of creative love. All patients were to be given large quantities of love; no unloving attitudes were to be displayed in the presence of the patients, and all nurses and doctors were to go about their work in and out of the various rooms with a loving attitude. At the end of six months, the time spent by patients in the institution was cut in half.
Source Unknown.
Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing...Love...is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habits reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God...On this love the engine of marriage is run; being in love was the explosion that started it.
C.S. Lewis.
5. Love does not make a big deal out of others’ misdeeds – Love does not compare oneself to others for self-justification reasons. Love does not use others weaknesses as an opportunity to get a leg up on the competition. Love does not refer to others iniquities to beg for leniency in personal faults.
How well do you handle interruptions? When I was in Nigeria , people would come to my little apartment at all hours of the day and night. They would bang on the door, Please, sir open the door. We have a serious problem. We know you are in there sir. We see your car in the parking lot. We want to see your face sir. Please, Sir We beg sir. Open the door. I had to learn to be patient and listen to an hour explanation of the whole history of the problem and then patiently pray and exhibit a Christ like concern for each and every person. Knowing that many of them could have seen me in the seminary office, but they wanted more personal attention. Love overlooks those things.
6. Love is not touchy or Resentful – Love learns how to be a Teflon type person that just lets criticisms roll off without sticking. Love learns to not take things personally. Love does not harbor feelings of indignation, bitterness or carry a grudge against others. Love learns to let go of its rights for Christ sake. Love is not hypersensitive or easily annoyed. Love does not so enthralled with one’s own ideas that it quickly rejects others input. “I’m glad you said that.” Appreciate your insight. Not where do you come up with that crazy idea. Or that is irrelevant – I have a young man in my Sunday School class at church that loves to bring up off the wall comments, but I’m learning to be gracious since I know that only 7% of what I communicate is the words, 35% is the tone of my voice and 58% are the non-verbal cues that come directly from my character of life. That is our biggest teacher. What is the quality of your character – Is it love? That is not touchy or resentful or easily offended.
I.E. – A great missionary rendition of I Cor. 13 goes something like this:
If I have the language down pat so that I speak like a national, but have no love for people I am nothing. If have diplomas and degrees and know all the update to date methods of cross-cultural communication and have not a touch of understanding love, I am nothing. If I am able to argue successfully against the religions of the people and have not His compassion, I am nothing. If I have great faith and great ideals and magnificent plans and not His love that sweats and bleeds and weeps and prays and pleads, I am nothing. I f I give my clothes and money to people and have not His love for them, I am nothing.
If I surrender all my hopes, leave home and friends, and yet turn sour and selfish amid the daily annoyances and slights of life and have not the love that yields its rights, its leisure, its plans, I am nothing. Christ’s virtuous love has ceased to go out of me. If I can write articles or publish books that win applause, but fail to transcribe the love of the cross into everyday word and deed I am nothing.
Conclusion
Years ago John Powell told the story of Norma Jean (Marilyn Monroe)
Mortenson: "Norma Jean Mortenson. Remember that name? Norma Jean’s mother, Mrs. Gladys Baker, was periodically committed to a mental institution and Norma Jean spent much of her childhood in foster homes. In one of those foster homes, when she was eight years old, one of the boarders raped her and gave her a nickel. He said, ’Here, Honey. Take this and don’t ever tell anyone what I did to you.’ When little Norma Jean went to her foster mother to tell her what had happened she was beaten badly. She was told, ’our boarder pays good rent. Don’t you ever say anything bad about him!’ Norma Jean at the age of eight had learned what it was to be used and given a nickel and beaten for trying to express the hurt that was in her.
"Norma Jean turned into a very pretty young girl and people began to notice. Boys whistled at her and she began to enjoy that, but she always wished they would notice she was a person too--not just a body--or a pretty face--but a person.
"Then Norma Jean went to Hollywood and took a new name-- Marilyn Monroe and the publicity people told her, ’We are going to create a modern sex symbol out of you.’ And this was her reaction, ’A symbol? Aren’t symbols things people hit together?’ They said, ’Honey, it doesn’t matter, because we are going to make you the most smoldering sex symbol that ever hit the celluloid.’
"She was an overnight smash success, but she kept asking, ’did you also notice I am a person? Would you please notice?’ Then she was cast in the dumb blonde roles.
"Everyone hated Marilyn Monroe. Everyone did.
"She would keep her crews waiting two hours on the set. She was regarded as a selfish prima donna. What they didn’t know was that she was in her dressing room vomiting because she was so terrified.
"She kept saying, ’Will someone please notice I am a person. Please.’ They didn’t notice. They wouldn’t take her seriously.
"She went through three marriages--always pleading, ’Take me seriously as a person.’ Everyone kept saying, ’But you are a sex symbol. You can’t be other than that.’
"Marilyn kept saying ’I want to be a person. I want to be a serious actress.’
"And so on that Saturday night, at the age of 35 when all beautiful women are supposed to be on the arm of a handsome escort, Marilyn Monroe took her own life. She killed herself.
"When her maid found her body the next morning, she noticed the telephone was off the hook. It was dangling there beside her.
Later investigation revealed that in the last moments of her life she had called a Hollywood actor and told him she had taken enough sleeping pills to kill herself.
"He answered with the famous line of Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind, which I now edit for this chapel, ’Frankly, my dear, I don’t care!’ That was the last word she heard. She dropped the phone--left it dangling.
"Claire Booth Luce in a very sensitive article wrote, ’What really killed Marilyn Monroe, a love goddess for millions who never found any love?’ She said she thought the dangling telephone was the symbol of Marilyn Monroe’s whole life. She died because she never got through to anyone who really cared enough to love her." Many people are hurting, lonely and afraid all around us. Friends there are billions of people in this world who are hoping, waiting and longing to be loved – will you be one to give them Christ’s patient and kind and enduring love? Without it people are going to die!
Dynamic Preaching, June, 1990.
