In the 1980`s I was Warden of a Conference Centre, a demanding Ministry with a large amount of Counselling in addition to the talks we had to give. Saturdays were always very difficult - we were all involved in Hoovering, Cleaning and Bed making on top of all the other work we had to do. But two Saturdays stand out in my mind from all the Saturdays we were there.
On the first Friday I went to bed dog-tired, longing for a good nights sleep. But at 3 o`clock in the morning I woke with a start. A voice was speaking to me, saying "Be still and know that I am God". I lay there wondering why God was saying this, and, to tell the truth I was more than a little angry. Again the voice said, "Be still and know that I am God". I groaned and said, "You know that I`ve got a lot of work today tomorrow - today now. You know that I needed a good night`s rest, and that I`m no good at all if I`m worn out when I`m speaking to the guests. Why did you wake me at 3o`clock in the morning when you know that I`ll be exhausted later?" No reply except, "Be still and know that I am God".
Morning came, and I woke feeling terrible. The day seemed twice as long as usual - and, when I began my talk to the guests that evening I was exhausted. I was five minutes into the talk when I realised I was getting nowhere with what I had to say - people`s eyes were glazing over. I stopped and said to them, "I`m sorry. I can see I`m not doing any good with the subject I`ve chosen"......... and then I went on to tell them what had happened the previous night........ how God had woken me saying "Be still and know that I am God". I told them tyhat my prayer life had become barren, that I was so busy doing things for God, that I had no time to BE STILL WITH HIM, and how this was coming between me and Him, and Him and me. I went on speaking for another 20 minutes about this, and saw that I had connected with them - lots of those good Christians were in the same boat I was, and they were hearing God saying so through me. At the end of the evening I thanked God for waking me at 3 o`clock that morning, and thought I`d learned my lesson. But I hadn`t!
A few weeks later we were coming up towards our daugher`s birthday. On the Monday she said to her Mum and me, "Can you take me to town on Saturday afternoon. I`ve been given some money for my birthday, and I want to buy some sneakers for the School Dance next week. Everybody`s wearing them!". Jill said "Yes", but I said, "I can`t, I`ve got two guests booked in for counselling that afternoon. They`re coming a long way and I can`t put them off". And that was that, I thought!.................. but on Friday Jill went down with a migraine. In those days her migraines were terrible and landed her in bed for at least 48 hours, and this was no exception. On Saturday morning our daughter said to me "Can you take me this afternoon, Dad". "I`m so sorry, but I can`t". She looked glum.
But that afternoon something unexpected happened. Both guests turned up early, each one of them with the same tale. "I`m so much better. I don`t need to see you this afternoon". So off to town we went, my daughter and I. When we got to Frisby`s shoe-shop she pointed at the sneakers in the basket outside. "There they are - just my size" and as I looked I was horrified, for those sneakers were purple! "PURPLE TRAINERS? Jill would never approve of them" I thought. "Lord! Get me out of this", I prayed.
My daughter went into the shoe-shop carrying one purple trainer and asked the Assistant for the other. When it came she took one look at it It was stained in three places - "I can`t have THAT" she said, "Have you got another pair". "No!" the shop assistant replied. "It`s the last we`ve got in that colour........... but I have got a red pair in your size". "RED sneakers" I thought, "They`re just as bad as purples ones" - and when they came they were. "Lord! Get me out of this" I prayed again. My daughter tried them on - "They`re too tight" she said, "Have you got another pair?" "No" said the shop assistant, "But I do have them in brown". "Brown" she said, "My friends would laugh at me in brown sneakers. They`re square". So we left the shop. "Thank you, Lord" I said.
Then a few minutes later......"Dad. They`ve got sneakersin Woolies can we go there and take a look", so off to Woolies we went, and looked at THEIR sneakers. They looked all right to me - but not to my daughter, "They`re so old fashioned" she said, and we turned away to leave the shop......... BUT....... "Look at those handbags!" she said "If I can`t have a pair of sneakers, they`d be fine for the dance". And I looked, and was horrified again, "PURPLE HANDBAGS! And Day-Glo yellow! And Lime green and vivid red - and all of them PLASTIC", they were even worse than the sneakers "Lord, Help me again" I prayed.
But it was interesting watching her, looking at them, opening them, examining their size, feeling their quaility, just like her Mother when SHE was buying things, I thought. A few minutes later she turned to me with a rueful grin and said, "I don`t think Mum would approve, do you!". I said another thank you prayer and went to the car to drive home.... AND THAT`S WHEN IT HAPPENED!
We were only a mile down the road when the voice said, "Eric". "Yes, Lord" I said surprised. "You enjoyed being out with your daughter this afternoon, didn`t you. I know there were a few hairy moments, but you really enjoyed it, didn`t you?." "Yes, Lord, I did" says I. "You`ve been so busy that you haven`t had time for the children - and yet you enjoyed it when you did!" - "Yes, Lord, I did". And then He said, "Did it ever occur to you that you were so busy doing important things, that more important things got crowded out". "I`m sorry, Lord" I said, and thought that I`d learned the lesson He wanted to teach me...........
BUT, a few minutes later, He said, "Eric! I`m your FATHER - YOU`RE MY SON, yet you`ve been so busy lately doing things ’for Me’ that you really haven`t had time for Me at all. That`s what I woke you to say three weeks ago, wasn`t it" "Yes, Lord" I said.........
Then the BOMBSHELL - "But Eric, I love you, and when you`re with me I ENJOY YOU, and you`ve been so busy that I MISS YOU."
And I`d never seen it before. I knew that, if I got down to it, I could really enjoy GOD, but it had never occurred to me that He ENJOYED ME - enjoyed my company. And that I`d become so busy doing things "For Him" that I was depriving Him of the joy of being with me. Had that ever occurred to YOU, about YOU and HIM, if you as busy as I was.
And that`s when I realised what prayer was - not a long list of "Lord, do THIS. Lord HELP this person. Lord, change THIS SITUATION". It was Him and me having time for each other, enjoying each others company, talking together quite naturally about the things that are on our hearts, but more than that - just being there together relaxing in each others company as FRIENDS. That`s what prayer really is. "I`m sorry, Lord, that I`ve been so far away from you. Please help me to change" I said.
And that`s what CONFESSION is. It`s realising how far away from God I`ve drifted - how far I`ve become separated from Him in this wonderful Love Relationship He wants to have with me - how far I`ve fallen from what He intended me to be, in my thoughts, in my actions and in what I am and could be - and how this has affected all my relationships, not just with my family, but with everyone else I meet, and saying quite humbly, "I`M SORRY THAT I`VE BEEN SO FAR AWAY FROM YOU. PLEASE HELP ME TO CHANGE", and He will. And what a different place the world would be if everyone allowed God to forgive them.
