We really need to connect. We are made for fellowship, and
if we do not connect with one another, we will dry up and die.
We need to connect with God; and we need to connect with
one another.
When I was the Baptist chaplain at Howard University, it
seemed that my students only knew two hymns. Every time
we met, they wanted to sing either, “What a fellowship, what
a joy divine” or “What a friend we have in Jesus”. I
concluded that these were their choices because, as young
people, most of them away from home for the first time, they
needed to connect. They knew, down deep, that they were
made for fellowship, and that if they did not find fellowship,
they would dry up and die. So they sang about connecting
with one another and with God.
We really do need to connect. And yet we do not know how
to do it. We do not know how to bond with one another in a
healthy way. Over and over again we hurt one another and
hurt ourselves. I’ve seen people who do not know how to
form healthy relationships go into hibernation, staying off to
themselves, obsessing on Internet surfing or television
watching. Just do not know how to connect.
Or worse, I’ve seen people who did not know how to create
healthy relationships go into explosions of hostility, lashing
out at everyone. For some hurting souls, nobody is any
good, nobody is right, nobody is up to par, everybody is out
to do them harm. Some folks see demons in every closet.
And in that deep-rooted hostility there is the potential for
great harm to themselves and to others.
We really do need to connect. We are made for fellowship,
and if we do not connect with one another, we will dry up and
die. We need to connect with God; and we need to connect
with one another.
In the most personal of his three letters, John shows us the
elements of bonding. He teaches us how people can truly
connect with one another, and at the same time points out
how we can so easily kill relationships. If you want to
connect with others, or if you want to see what will destroy a
connection, look at the little third letter of John.
I’ve called this message two “weddings” and a “funeral”, with
apologies, to the movie called, “Four Weddings and a
Funeral”. In that movie, Charlie, played by Hugh Grant,
spends his days trotting off to huge weddings. But the notion
that he might get married never crosses his mind. He never
commits o anyone. At several wedding Charlie repeatedly
sees Carrie, played by Andie MacDowell. The two of them
flirt, they romance, they do everything except declare their
true feelings. They do everything except make a
commitment. But there comes a bit of over-indulgence at
one of the weddings, and one of Charlie’s friends dies. He
has to stop going to weddings for a while and go to a funeral.
Then and only then Charlie begins to think quite differently
about connections and commitment.
“Four Weddings and a Funeral”. Well, the third letter of John
does it in only two weddings and a funeral. Not literally, of
course, but two descriptions of people who know how to
connect and commit; and one picture of someone who does
nothing but kill the bonds of love. Two weddings and a
funeral.
Let’s go to the first wedding – Maestro, a little Wagner, if you
please.
I
We need to connect with one another, and we can do it if we
learn how to be open-hearted. Connecting is, first of all, a
matter of faith. It is an issue of trust. If we meet others on
an open-hearted basis, we’ll be on the way to establishing
strong connections.
John addresses his letter to a person named Gaius. We
know very little about Gaius, although I am going to make
some educated guesses in a moment. For now, however,
look at how John speaks to Gaius, and how John recognizes
this open-hearted quality in Gaius:
Beloved, you do faithfully whatever you do for the friends, even
though they are strangers to you ...
“You do ... whatever you do for the friends, even though they
are strangers.” Isn’t that an interesting contrast? They are
friends, but they are strangers. Gaius, you do what you do
for these folks, and you do not even know them, but you trust
them anyway. You are an open-hearted person. You
assume the best about them. You do not assume that they
are criminals or that they are out to get you. You assume
that they are friends, even though they are strangers.
Gaius is that wonderful sort of person who trusts others until
they prove themselves unworthy. Gaius is that open-hearted
kind of person who does not automatically think the worst of
others, but starts out believing in them. He does whatever
he does out of a trusting heart. And that establishes
connections.
Friends, something is dying in this neighborhood, and it
concerns me. This neighborhood, is beginning to lose its
sense of trust. Many of us talk about how, when and where
we were growing up, we seldom even locked the doors of
our houses. Some of you are old enough or come from far
enough back in the woods that you didn’t even have locks!
When we were children, we just about lived in other people’s
houses. There was no reason to worry about where children
were or who was doing what to whom.
Today life is not like that. Life in the city has probably never
been like that, but certainly not today, and certainly not in
Washington, not even in Takoma. I’ve found that when we
have visiting groups coming from out of town, like a guest
choir, many of you are very reluctant to take in somebody
you do not know. Even when they are seminary students,
you are reluctant. Maybe it is BECAUSE they are seminary
students! I’ve been surprised at the degree of caution many
of you feel about taking in strangers.
But recent events have made us all feel more skittish. We
know we live in a neighborhood where it is not always
possible to trust your neighbors. I truly regret seeing that
happen. I truly regret seeing us become more cautious,
more closed, more suspicious. Something dies in a
community when that happens.
John says that Gaius saw even strangers as friends. Like
the church bulletin I once read which said, “There are no
strangers here, only friends we haven’t met.” Let me
suggest a provocative possibility about this man Gaius.
There is a man with the same name who shows up in the
Book of Acts. He is a resident of the city of Ephesus and is
a believer. It’s intriguing to suppose that the Gaius John
writes to here might be the very same Gaius, even though
Gaius was a very common name in those days. It’s possible
because the apostle John was associated with Ephesus,
where that Gaius lived. I do not know whether John’s Gaius
is the same as the Gaius who lived in Ephesus, but if they
are one and the same – that Gaius, the one in Ephesus, was
a traveling companion with Paul. He went on some of the
missionary journeys. Now how did these early missionaries
find lodgings when they went to strange towns? You couldn’t
exactly check in at the Holiday Inn! You scrounged around
until you found somebody willing to take you in for a few
nights. So I wonder if Gaius, having spent a few anxious
nights with Paul, wondering where they would find a bed, but
then receiving hospitality from other believers – I wonder if
because Gaius received that kind of generous care, he is
now, in his later years, more ready to offer hospitality?
Because others trusted him, Gaius trusts them. I like to think
so.
Trust breeds trust. Love breeds love. And open-
heartedness breeds open hearts in others. If you truly want
to connect with others, first approach them with an open
heart and a trusting spirit. That’s the first wedding, the first
connecting link between people.
II
But we are not quite connected yet. Open-heartedness is
just the beginning. So we are now ready to attend the
second wedding. Brother musician, may we have
Mendelssohn this time?!
The second element in making real and lasting connections
is to understand the influence that people have on one
another. When we connect with others, we are opening
ourselves up for them to influence us. It is just human nature
to let others mold your behavior. I’m told that on the
Southern Baptist Seminary campus, years ago, Dr. John
Sampey, the Old Testament professor, was such an
influence that his students not only learned Hebrew his way,
but they even limped like he did! So if you really want to
connect with someone, find a good model to follow.
The second character in John’s little third letter is a brother
named Demetrius. Very little is said about Demetrius in this
passage. But John commends him by speaking about
finding the right kind of role model. John says to Demetrius:
Beloved, do not imitate what is evil but imitate what is good. ...
Everyone has testified favorably about Demetrius.
Do not imitate what is evil but imitate what is good.
Demetrius had figured out that just because you’ve got your
home boys around you, that does not mean they are
necessarily the models you need. We need to find people
we can truly look up to, and imitate them, and remember that
somebody else is going to imitate us.
Now once again I am going to make some educated guesses
about this man. The name Demetrius appears in the Book of
Acts, just like Gaius’ name. This man appears in the same
story of Paul in Ephesus, just like Gaius does. And
remember, John, the writer of our letter, was a resident of
Ephesus in his later years. So is this Demetrius is the same
as the Demetrius in Acts? If so, there is really a story to be
told.
Because the Demetrius in the Book of Acts was a silversmith
who was most upset at seeing his business ruined by
Christian missionaries. Demetrius said, “Why, you know, if
these Christians have their way, and people worship Christ,
they won’t buy my little silver statues of the goddess Artemis
any more.” So, according to Acts chapter 19, Demetrius
stirred up the crowd and ran Paul out of town. This
Demetrius, in Ephesus, saw the power of his influence. He
knew how to get others to imitate his actions and follow him.
Now isn’t it wonderful to think that maybe, just maybe, the
Demetrius that John is commending is the same Demetrius?
That the man who once used his influence to run
missionaries out of town is now using his influence to bring
others to Christ?! It would not surprise me a bit. Jesus can
do that to your life. Just use Him as your role model, and
you will see. “Do not imitate what is evil but imitate what is
good.” You connect with others by finding somebody worth
imitating.
A few days ago, I read an extensive article in the newspaper
about Dr. Ben Carson and his struggle with cancer. Now lots
of people get cancer, and lots of people struggle with illness,
but this man’s story warranted a very long article. Why?
Ben Carson had started out like many another teenager, just
bouncing along through life, doing what he had to do, having
a good time, and hanging out with his friends. But at the age
of 14, something happened that turned Ben’s life around. He
got into a fight with another boy, and things got so heated
that Ben drew a knife and tried to plunge it into the other
boy’s stomach. If it had not been for a belt buckle that
deflected the knife blade, Ben Carson would have become a
murderer. Well, when this young man realized how close he
had come to taking someone’s life, he went into his room, he
wept and read his Bible, and came out completely changed.
Ben Carson turned from hanging out with the gang and
started studying. Eventually he went to medical school, then
became a pediatric neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins Hospital.
For those challenged by medical terminology, that means he
operates on children’s brains! Think of it! The very hands
that once wielded a knife in an attempt to take a life are now
using a surgical scalpel to give life back!
Ben Carson always tells his story as a Christian testimony.
He believes that whatever he has become, he owes to
Jesus. Jesus is his role model, and now Ben Carson is a
model for scores of young people. If you want to connect
with others, find the right role models, and watch Jesus make
you into a role model for others.
In fact, there are opportunities for that right now. Our
prodigal ministry is looking for mentors for people coming out
of prison. Our youth ministry is looking for adults to spend
quality time with teenagers. Our children’s ministry is looking
for men and women who are not afraid to get down and dirty
with kids. If you really want to bond and connect, understand
who influences you, because that will determine the kind of
influence you have on others. Like Demetrius, like Dr.
Carson, “Do not imitate what is evil but imitate what is
good.”
We’ve been to two weddings now. Are we connected yet?
In the movie, it was only after somebody died that Hugh
Grant’s character started thinking seriously about
commitments. It takes a funeral sometimes to get us off
dead center. So maybe the organist needs to change the
mood and supply us with some funeral music:
III
We really need to connect. We are made for fellowship, and
if we do not connect with one another, we will dry up and die.
We need to connect with God; and we need to connect with
one another. But we are also capable of killing relationships
and of destroying love. Those of us who have been around
death know that sometimes a funeral is what it takes to turn
otherwise hostile people around. All the fighting, all the
garbage they have stored up over the years can sometimes
be opened up and resolved when a family member dies.
Nothing like a good funeral to start relationships all over
again.
John mentions one other person in his little letter.
Diotrephes. Hear of Diotrephes and weep, for there is a bit
of Diotrephes in all of us:
Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge
our authority. So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing in
spreading false charges against us. And not content with those
charges, he refuses to welcome the friends, and even prevents
those who want to do so and expels them from the church.
Oh my, what a list! Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first.
What a wonderfully succinct way of summing up the whole
human condition! This is our sin, in a nutshell. We put
ourselves first. We set ourselves in the center and act as
though the world revolved around us. Everything negative,
everything destructive, flows from that. Diotrephes: in a few
short phrases John indicts him, and I can feel Diotrephes,
lonely and threatened. He has a problem with others’
authority; that tells me he is insecure. He has resorted to
false charges against John; that tells me he is out of control.
His hostility has absolutely taken him over. More than that,
Diotrephes has refused to welcome new people, he has
criticized others who do so, and he has even used his
influence to put out of the church people who do not play his
little game. What a sad and lonely little man!
Oh, we could spend all day attacking the things that
Diotrephes did, but I focus only on this – that in our insecurity
we lash out and kill the very thing we need so much. We
need to be connected to others’ love, but we are so
threatened that we shove them aside. It is not that there is
really anything wrong with them; it is we who have the
problem. It is we who are insecure and who rob ourselves of
the very love that we so desperately need. And sometimes it
is only in a moment of crisis that we will really wake up and
see ourselves for what we truly are. Sometimes it is only in a
moment of Christian confrontation that we are brought face
to face with the depth of our need and the intensity of our
pain. If some pastor, some deacon, some Christian friend
stops you in your tracks and calls attention to what you are
doing to others and to yourself, be grateful. It is only
because there is nothing like the death of an illusion to
rearrange our relationships.
Brothers and sisters, isn’t that what Jesus did for us? He
died so that we could connect. He died so that we could
rearrange our relationships. Listen to the Bible.
“And so while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
“Christ died for all, so that those who live might live no longer for
themselves, but for him who died and was raised for them.”
“For our sake [God] has made him to be sin who knew no sin, so
that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
Jesus died for us who like to put ourselves first. Jesus died
for us whose hearts are consumed with hostility. Jesus died
for us, and that rearranges everything when we see it for
what it is.
We really need to connect. We are made for fellowship, and
if we do not connect with one another, we will dry up and die.
We need to connect with God; and we need to connect with
one another.
My students were right! “What a fellowship, what a joy
divine, leaning on the everlasting arms.” Jesus says, I have
called you friends. “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our
sins and griefs to bear.” Receive Jesus’ friendship, bought
by His death, and you will be connected to Him forever.
Receive Jesus as your friend, and you will connect to others
with love and hope and joy.
