Summary: A re-telling of the entire story of Jonah, but with a twist.

This sermon was given without notes, so the text may

differ somewhat from the actual preached word. I asked the people to help me as I read the story of Jonah from the Bible, to raise their hands whenever they heard something that differed from the story as told in the Bible. This sermon works best if you have a really good poker face (I don’t).

Jonah 1:1 Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Ammittai, saying,

[Incorrect] 1:2 “Go at once to Nineveh, that great city, and tell them how much I love them and everything that they have done.”

[Correct] 1:2 “Go at once to Nineveh, that great city,

and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come up before me.”

Comment: Nineveh was the capital city of Assyria, the

political rivals of Israel. They worshipped false gods, and seen as threatening to the national security of Israel. If there is anywhere that Jonah didn’t want to go, it would be Nineveh. But God sends him with a message he didn’t want to speak to a people he didn’t want to see in a land he never wanted to visit.

[Incorrect] 1:3 So Jonah set out to go to Nineveh, even

though he didn’t want to.

[Correct 1:3] But Jonah set out to flee to Tarshish from

the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish; so he paid his fare and went on board, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the Lord.”

Comment: The book of Jonah has some great lessons about

ethno-centrism and Israel’s relation to foreigners. Jonah seriously believes that if he just takes a fast enough ship heading far enough away, he will actually outrun “the presence of the Lord”. But as you’ll see through the unfolding of the story, there is no where that Jonah can hide from the creator of the universe.

1:4-5 But the Lord hurled a great wind upon the sea, and

such a mighty storm came upon the sea that the ship threatened to break up. Then the mariners were afraid, and each cried to his god. They threw the cargo that was in the ship into the sea, to lighten it for them.

[Incorrect] 1:5b Jonah, meanwhile, had gone to the bow of the boat and was devoutly praying to his God.

[Correct] 1:5b Jonah, meanwhile, had gone down into the

hold of the ship and had lain down, and was fast asleep.

1:6-7 The captain came and said to him, “What are you doing sound asleep? Get up, call on your god! Perhaps the god will spare us a thought so that we do not perish.” The sailors said to one another, “Come let us cast lots, so that we may know on whose account this calamity has come upon us.”

[Incorrect] 1:7c So they cast lots, and divided Jonah’s

clothes among them.

Comment: Okay, so that was Jesus, just seeing if you’re

paying attention.

[Correct] 1:7c So they cast lots, and the lot fell on

Jonah.

1:8-11 Then they said to him, Tell us why this calamity

has come upon us. What is your occupation? Where do you come from? What is your country? And of what people are you?” “I am a Hebrew,” he replied. “I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land.” Then the men were even more afraid, and said to him, “What is this that you have done!” For the men knew that he was fleeing from the presence of the Lord, because he had told them so. Then they said to him, “What shall

we do to you, that the sea may quiet down for us?” For the sea was growing more and more tempestuous.

[Incorrect] 1:12 He said to them, “Let me hide under the seat cushions and maybe God won’t find me.”

[Correct 1:12] He said to them, “Pick me up and throw me

into the sae; then the sea will quiet down for you; for I know it is because of me that this great storm has come upon you.”

1:13-16 Nevertheless the men rowed hard to bring the ship back to land, but they could not, for the sea grew more and more stormy against them. Then they cried out to the Lord, “Please, O Lord, we pray, do not let us perish on account of this man’s life. Do not make us guilty of innocent blood; for you, O Lord, have done as it pleased you.” So they picked Jonah up and threw

him into the sea; and the sea ceased from its raging. Then the mean feared the Lord even more, and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows.

[Incorrect] 1:17 But the Lord provided a big whale to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of this whale forty days and forty nights.

Comment: Although Sunday school pictures and most of our

own memories may tell us it was a whale that swallowed Jonah, the Hebrew word used means “fish”. I don’t know what kind of a fish could have swallowed a man, but the Bible is pretty clear on that one.

[Correct] 1:17 But the Lord provided a large fish to

swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

2:1 Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the belly

of the fish.

[Incorrect - inserted] After he had prayed, he lit a small fire and the smoke from the fire tickled the fish’s nose so that he spit Jonah out.

Comment: Actually that story comes from the Disney movie

Pinocchio. The Bible tells of no such logical explanation.

[Correct] 2:10 Then the Lord spoke to the fish and it

spewed Jonah out upon the dry land.

[Incorrect] 3:1 The word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time, saying, 3:2 “You idiot, didn’t you get the message the first time?”

Comment: Maybe that’s what I would’ve said if Jonah had

screwed up the mission so poorly the first time, but that’s not the actual message from God. [Correct] 3:2 “Get up, go to Nineveh, that great city, and proclaim to it the message that I tell you.”

3:3-4 So Jonah set out and went to Nineveh, according to the word of the Lord. Now Nineveh was an exceedingly large city, a three days’ walk across. Jonah began to go into the city, going a day’s walk.

[Incorrect] And he cried out, “God loves me more you! Nah nah nah nah nah nah!”

[Correct] 3:4b And he cried out, (with enthusiasm)

“Forty days more, and Nineveh shall be overthrown!”

Comment: Knowing Jonah’s attitude at this point in the story, I bet he sounded a little more like this, (nonchalantly, quietly) "Forty days more, and Nineveh shall be overthrown.” Jonah would have been perfectly happy if not a single Ninevite repented. He would have been as secretive as he dared, hoping that if no one

heard the message then no one would repent. And if no one repented, then Jonah wouldn’t have to see God show mercy to these evil, wicked Ninevites.

[Incorrect] 3:5 And the people of Nineveh thought he was

crazy. They threw tomatoes and raw eggs at him.

[Correct] 3:5 And the people of Nineveh believed God;

they proclaimed a fast, and everyone, great and small, put on sackcloth.

3:6-10 When the news reached the king of Nineveh, he

rose from his throne, removed his robe, covered himself with sackcloth, and sat in ashes. Then he had a proclamation made in Nineveh: “By the decree of the king and his nobles: No human being or animal, no herd or flock, shall taste anything. They shall not feed, nor shall they drink water. Human beings and animals shall be covered with sackcloth, and they shall cry mightily to God. [I’ll repeat this sentence, hoping that someone

will think I made it up – it sure sounds ludicrous – people and animals wearing sackcloth and fasting?] All shall turn from their evil ways and from the violence that is in their hands. Who knows? God may relent and change his mind; he may turn from his fierce anger, so that we do not perish.

Comment: The irony of this piece of the story is that

the king of Nineveh understands the mercy and steadfast love of God better than Jonah, the prophet of God, does. The king of Nineveh knows that full repentance will make God relent and change him mind and turn from his fierce anger. Jonah hopes that just one person’s non-repentance might just cause God to destroy the whole city.

3:10 When God saw what they did, how they turned from

their evil ways, God changed his mind about the calamity that he had said he would bring upon them; and he did not do it.

[Incorrect] 4:1 And this was so encouraging to Jonah that he threw the Ninevites a party.

[Correct] 4:1 But this was very displeasing to Jonah,

and he became angry. He prayed to the Lord and said, “O Lord! Is not this what I said while I was still in my own country? That is why I fled to Tarshish at the beginning; for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and ready to relent from punishing. And now, O

Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live.” And the Lord said, “Is it right for you to be angry?”

[Incorrect] 4:5 Then Jonah went out of the city and caught the next boat headed back to Joppa.

[Correct] 4:5 Then Jonah went out of the city and sat

down east of the city, and made a booth for himself there. He sat under it in the shade, waiting to see what would become of the city.”

Comment: Do you see what Jonah’s doing? Jonah makes

himself a little booth, just outside the city. He is still hopeful that God will rain judgment upon this city, and he wants a ringside seat for the destruction of Nineveh. He wants to see these suckers burn. He’s positioned just outside the city, close enough to see the suffering and demolition taking place, but far enough away to escape the fireball when it comes.

4:6 The Lord God appointed a bush, and made it come up

over Jonah, to give shade over his head, to save him from his discomfort; so Jonah was very happy about the bush.

[Incorrect] And Jonah and the bush lived happily ever after.

[Correct] 4:7 But when dawn came up the next day, God

appointed a worm that attacked the bush, so that it was

withered.

4:8-9 When the sun rose, God prepared a sultry east

wind, and the sun beat down on the head of Jonah so that he was faint and asked that he might die. He said, “It is better for me to die than to live.” But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the bush?” And he said, “Yes, angry enough to die.”

[Incorrect] Then the Lord appointed a lightning bolt to

strike Jonah dead on the spot for being so disrespectful toward God.

Comment: Actually, one of the most refreshing things about reading the Old Testament is learning about the healthy relationship the people had with God. The people in the Old Testament fear God, but they don’t fear conflict with God. Jonah argues with God. Jonah gets angry with God. Jonah questions God’s judgment. Jonah knows that God is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, but Jonah would rather not share

God’s blessing with those “heathen foreigners” in Nineveh. And while God does not cater to Jonah’s demands, or anyone else’s for that matter, God does respond in love to all those who dare to enter into conversation with Him.

[Correct] 4:10 Then the Lord said, “You are concerned

about the bush, for which you did not labor and which you did not grow; it came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should I not be concerned about Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also many animals?”

Comment: The story of Jonah offers many lessons for us. Jonah is sent to a people he’d rather avoid in a country he’d rather destroy to send a message of repentance. In spite of his attempt to run from the presence of God, he gets there and sends the message. Miraculously the whole city repents, animals and humans alike. As Jonah takes his ringside seat for the destruction of his political enemies, God provides a plant that gives Jonah shade. Jonah becomes attached to the plant, knowing that God

gives him, an Israelite, good things (that’s the way it works, you know). But then when the plant withers, Jonah gets angry.

Maybe the biggest lesson we can learn comes from the

last verses of the book of Jonah. God reminds Jonah that he’s angry about losing the plant, which he didn’t make, he didn’t plant, he didn’t nourish. Can’t God show mercy to a whole city, with a huge number of people and animals, who are certainly worth more than Jonah’s little plant? And maybe we can remember that lesson as well. God’s mercy extends way beyond our boundaries. God’s love permeates farther than we would ever ask

or imagine.