Opening Illustration
There were once two men who lived in a small village. They got into a terrible dispute that they could not resolve. So they decided to talk to the town sage … the wise man. The first man went to the home of the old, wise one and told his version of what happened. When he finished, the old sage said, “You’re absolutely right.” The next night, the second man came and told his side of the story. The old man responded, “You’re absolutely right.”
After the second man left, the old sage’s wife scolded her husband. “Those men told you two different stories and you told them they were absolutely right. That’s impossible—they can’t both be absolutely right.”
The old man turned to his wife, looked deep into her eyes, and said … “You’re absolutely right!”
(From sermonillustrations.com, key word “conflict.”)
Debrief: That old man was wiser than many of you might think. He knew that there are rarely any winners in human conflict. There were probably elements of right and wrong on the part of both of those men … but neither of them would ever be convinced of their wrong. So, there was no point joining in the fray.
So, why is it that we are so prone to conflict? We all deal with it in almost every area of our lives. We have conflict at home, at school, and on the job. We humans just seem to have a knack for not getting along … for making enemies over sometimes stupid stuff that we just can’t seem to let go of.
Intro Video
And you know we can argue about anything. I mean anything! I want you to watch this video clip from this week’s episode of SURVIVOR. See how people can have conflict over something as stupid as … a banana! (Hold a banana up in the air.)
*Show banana fight from the October 24 episode of SURVIVOR.
Debrief
Now that was comical! Just watching that on the screen makes me about how we can fight over some of the dumbest things. We certainly are prone to conflict.
I have to confess that I don’t deal with conflict very well. That’s just who I am. I try to put as much distance between myself and conflict as I possibly can. I am pretty even-keeled and difficult to anger … but when I do get hurt, or offended, or attacked … I can come out fighting. We all can.
The problem is … that’s the attitude of the world coming out in us. But as followers of Christ, we have to remember that we are not of this world. We have a higher standard … a higher calling to live by.
Transition
Today, we are going to look at some words from Jesus to understand His teachings on dealing with conflict … specifically, dealing with our personal enemies.
This passage is part of what is known as the “Sermon on the Mount.” The verses that we are going to look at make up one of six illustrations that Jesus uses to contrast the false righteousness of the religious leaders of the day with the true righteousness of God. I believe that as we study this contrast, we can see a model for our own behavior in times of conflict that Jesus desires and expects believers to follow.
So, let’s look at this passage together and see what Jesus has to teach us.
Scripture
***Matthew 5:43-48***
Context
Look at verse 43. It says, “You have heard it said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’”
That is the Rabbinic tradition of Jesus’ day. That’s what the religious leaders … the scribes and Pharisees … taught the people of Israel. Seriously … that was their teaching. They encouraged the people to love their neighbor and hate their enemy. Of course, their definition of neighbor was very narrow. It left out anyone who wasn’t a Jew. And for the scribes and Pharisees, it left out pretty much all of the common people. So, that narrowed things down to a pretty small list of neighbors.
What’s really interesting is how they perverted the Old Testament teaching in a couple of ways. You see, Leviticus 19:18 requires that, “you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” That command is repeated throughout Scripture.
But look at what the scribes and Pharisees have done. First … they left something out … the part that says “as yourself.” That must have sounded absurd to them. They were so totally in love with themselves, their supposed perfection, and their religious supremacy. It would have been impossible to love anyone else that much. So, they left that little part off.
But look at what else is there. They added something. They didn’t just leave something off … they added something to God’s teaching – “hate your enemy.” That goes against everything in the heart and Word of God. Look at the words of Proverbs 25:21 (show on screen).
So, the rabbis tinkered around with God’s teaching and came up with an alternate standard that suited them better. They found it much easier and much more satisfying to love the people they were closes to and hate basically everybody else. Love your neighbor … hate your enemy.
Theirs was a definition of friendships and relationships that left its self wide open to conflict and problems. And when you think about it … their standard of relationships sounds a lot like that of the world today. Doesn’t it? Is that not the same standard that we are taught in our world today … love your friends and hate your enemies?!
Sadly, so many Christians have bought into that philosophy. Just like everybody else, we love to make enemies. We like to go on the attack. Why, sometimes we even turn on each other and go after one another … in the church! Fighting and making enemies over misunderstandings and selfish issues.
But thank Goodness there is Jesus! Good old, in-your-face, Jesus. He laid out the teaching of the rabbis … the teaching that they had heard so many times … then he followed it with four incredible words:
“BUT I TELL YOU …” – Jesus
Let’s look closely at the standards for conflict resolution that Jesus laid out for us in His “sermon on the Mount.”
1. Love your enemies.
Scripture: “…love your enemies…” (Matthew 5:44a)
Man! How hard is that? You know, our human tendency is to base our love on the desirability of the object of our love. We love beautiful people, fun hobbies and sports, pretty houses, sporty cars … things that appeal to our sight.
Love in our culture is so superficial. It is based merely on an attitude or a feeling. That’s why so many celebrities and movie stars fall in and out of love on a whim. Those relationships are superficial, based upon beauty and fortune and fame.
But real love isn’t based on what it says or how it looks. Real love is based on what it does. Real love is based on the action that it takes.
Of course, it isn’t easy to love your enemies. It isn’t easy for me. I have come under attack before. I have had my family come under attack, and I wanted to retaliate. That was my nature. I once had a neighbor who threatened to sue me because my gas line ran under his property. It had been in the ground for ten years, way before either of us bought our property, and he was threatening to sue me. He came over and got tough when I wasn’t at home … talking tough to my wife. He left Kim in tears. I wanted to annihilate that man! My heart was screaming at me … “Beat the snot out of him!”
I’ve been in the ministry for twelve years … and when you do what I do you come under attack from time to time … always from people with an agenda and people who are acting out of totally selfish motives. I once held a meeting for parents to introduce a new ministry, and three sets of parents I never heard a word from showed up and they all attacked me … went off. One woman in particular was downright hateful. I wanted to vaporize that woman! I wanted to jump across that table and smack that smirk off of her face! I wanted to take her out!
Yet in the face of my hatred, I hear these words of Jesus … love your enemies. Love your enemies. Love your enemies. I held my tongue. I smiled. I kept my cool. I sought a compromise … I sought peace. And, as hard as it has been from time to time, I have tried to follow Jesus’ advice.
So, you’re probably thinking, “My goodness! That’s hard! What a place to start! If that’s our starting point, how much harder is it going to get? If this is dealing with conflict, then I have a long way to go!”
Well, the good news is that Jesus started off with the hardest part. He started with the summary. After this he tells us things or reminds us of things that bring us back to this truth of loving our enemies.
Look at what else Jesus says …
2. Pray for those who persecute you.
Scripture: “ … and pray for those who persecute you…” (Matthew 5:44b)
Do you see the genius of this command? It’s hard to hate someone that you’re praying for. Now … understand … Jesus is talking about good prayers here. He’s not talking about praying for God to send an earthquake and swallow them into the abyss … or something like that. Jesus is talking about genuinely going to God on behalf of the people who persecute you.
Folks, this works! It has worked for me in recent days. I have been persecuted, talked about, and lied about … and despite my natural inclination to strike back, I have prayed for the people who have persecuted me. And it has made all of the difference in the world! C.H. Spurgeon once said that “prayer is the forerunner of mercy.” And he was right! It is hard to hate when you are praying for someone. Your prayer enables God to turn your hate into love … not worldly love … not warm, fuzzy, feel-good love… but Christian love – love in action. It becomes love that does something. Love that lets things go and forgives. Love that reaches back and offers an act of kindness in response to an act of hate.
So, you see, the first step to loving your personal enemies and dealing with your personal conflicts is to start praying for the people that you are in conflict with. How absolutely brilliant!
3. Show whose family you belong to.
Scripture: “… that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:45a)
Jesus just keeps pouring it on here. First we need to love our enemies, then we need to pray for our enemies. And here He continues to develop the contrast between the actions of Godly people and the actions of the ungodly.
You see … anybody can hate. Anybody can be bitter. Anybody can lash back and attack. But as sons … as children … of the Father, we need to remember the heart of God. He loves us all. He causes the sun to rise over all of us, both the good and the evil. He sends rain to the righteous and the unrighteous. God loves without condition.
So, a life of self-giving love … a life of love without retaliation … brings honor and glory to God. It sets us apart. It makes a statement to the world – “We follow Jesus! God is our Father! So, no matter how you treat me, I’m going to love you anyway!”
Friends, that is what loving your enemies does. It sets you apart. It shows whose family you are a member of … and it makes people notice, and maybe even desire to know more, about this Jesus.
4. Exceed the expectations of the world.
Scripture: “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?” (Matthew 5:46-47)
Now you need to understand who was listening. The Scribes and Pharisees were there … and if they were certain of anything in this world, it was the fact that they were better than anyone else. That they knew!
But look at what Jesus tells them … “You’re no better than tax collectors and pagans! They love their friends. How are you any different from them?” Jesus made sure they understood that their standards of relationships and behavior were no better than those of the lowliest of sinners … their worst and most hated enemies!
So what does this mean to us? It means that we cannot just blend in! We have to be different. We have to stand out against the standard of the world when it comes to relationships and conflict. As followers of Jesus Christ we have to love our enemies, pray for our enemies, and show that we follow Jesus! That is what He expects of us. That is the witness that we must have in this world!
5. Be like your heavenly Father.
Scripture: “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48)
This is the sum of all that Jesus teaches in this Sermon on the Mount. In fact, it is the total of all that He teaches in Scripture. The purpose of salvation, the goal of God’s Gospel, the great yearning of the heart of God is that we will all seek to be like Him.
We are instructed to be perfect, just like out Father in heaven. But that is impossible in our own power. But Matthew 19:26 tells us, “With God all things are possible.”
You see, as we yield of ourselves and submit our will and our desires to the will of God, He enables us to be like Him. He enables us to love our enemies, pray for those who persecute us, live lives that reflect our relationship with Christ, and exceed the expectations for behavior that exist in our dark, lost world. He enables us to grow and become more and more like Him.
Surviving conflict with our fellow man is not easy. We cannot do it on our own. But God has given us specific instruction on how we must relate with and act toward others. The question is … will we lay ourselves and our own will down, will we throw down our weapons of retaliation … and do what Jesus has taught us to do?
Closing Illustration
In 1567 the Duke of Alba was ruling the lower part of Spain. He was a bitter enemy of the His rule was called the Reign of Terror” because his Bloody Council ordered the slaughter of so many protestants.
One man who was sentenced to die for his biblical faith managed to escape in the dead of winter. He was being chased by a lone soldier, and he came to a lake that was covered with a thin, cracked sheet of ice. He managed to get across, but as soon as he reached the other side he heard the soldier screaming. The man had fallen through the ice and was going to drown. So at the risk of being captured, tortured, and killed – or maybe even drowned – the man went back across the lake and saved his enemy. He did it because of His love for Christ. He knew that he had no other choice if he was going to be faithful to his Lord.
[From The MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Matthew 1-7 (Moody Bible Institute, 1985), p. 346.]
Challenge
Urge the congregation to consider putting these teachings of Jesus to work in their lives.
Time of Commitment
Utilize this time to encourage people to think about the relationships in their lives that are broken by conflict. Challenge listeners to think of one such conflict and how they can apply these “Jesus principles” in their lives. Encourage them to write down the name of the person they are in contact with and one specific action that they can take to help resolve that conflict based upon these principles. Then, encourage them to fold the paper, come forward, and nail it to the wooden cross … to give it to Jesus.
Share Gospel with opportunity to respond.
