FORGIVING THE UNFORGIVABLE
by
Gary MacDonald
INTRODUCTION:
As Human Beings, one of the most important things we need to learn in life is how to forgive others. This is also more important to Christians.
The Bible clearly tells us we must forgive.
Forgiving others helps us to understand what Jesus went through for us and helps us to receive the forgiveness that God extended to us.
There are three important steps on how to forgive others.
Step I. THE BIBLE CLEARLY TELLS US THAT WE MUST FORGIVE OTHERS
(Mark 11:25 NKJV) “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”
Jesus states quite clearly here in this scripture that if you have anything against anyone, you must forgive that person.
1. This is not optional on our part, but rather it is imperative to our own well being that we forgive others.
Most Christians understand that this is not always an easy task.
There may be people here tonight, who have people in their lives which have wronged them severely and as a consequence, are unable to forgive them.
Corrie ten Boom told a story once of not being able to forget a wrong that had been done to her. She had forgiven the person, but she kept rehashing the incident and so couldn’t sleep. Finally Corrie cried out to God for help in putting the problem to rest. "His help came in the form of a kindly Lutheran pastor," Corrie wrote, "to whom I confessed my failure after two sleepless weeks." "Up in the church tower," he said, nodding out the window, "is a bell which is rung by pulling on a rope. But you know what? After you let go of the rope, the bell keeps on ringing.
First ding, then dong. Slower and slower until there’s a final dong and it stops. I believe the same thing is true of forgiveness. When we forgive, we take our hand off the rope. But if we’ve been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn’t be surprised if the old angry thoughts keep coming back for a while. They’re just the ding-dongs of the old bell slowing down." "And so it proved to be. There were a few more midnight reverberations, a couple of dings when the subject came up in my conversations, but the force -- which was my willingness in the matter -- had gone out of them. They came less and less often and eventually, they stopped altogether: we can trust God not only with our emotions, but also with our thoughts."
2. Though it may be a process, and it may not happen instantaneously, we must be willing to take the first steps toward forgiving others.
3. As long as we continue to harbour bitterness in our hearts toward someone else, we allow that individual to have a controlling factor in our lives.
a. There are a number of occasions where unforgiving Christians lose their relationship with God because of what someone else had done to them in the church.
b. There was once a man who lost his relationship not only with God, but also his children and people in the church because of his bitterness toward others. He basically went around feeling sorry for himself all the time.
To forgive means to send away. In other words, to not hang on to the wrong doing.
4. When you forgive someone, it means that you are not holding that sin against that person.
a. You’re not praying that their car will crash or that they will meet with a horrible death.
b. As a matter of fact, you actually begin to pray for their salvation and deliverance.
This prayer was found in the clothing of a dead child at Ravensbruck concentration camp.
O Lord, remember not only the men and woman of good will, but also those of ill will. But do not remember all of the suffering they have inflicted upon us:
Instead remember the fruits we have borne because of this suffering, our fellowship, our loyalty to one another, our humility, our courage, our generosity, the greatness of heart that has grown from this trouble.
When our persecutors come to be judged by you, let all of these fruits that we have borne be their forgiveness.
5. Understand that when you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean that you have
to re-establish a relationship with that person.
a. It may, by God’s will, lead to that and that’s great if that’s what God desires.
b. I read again, (Mark 11:25 NKJV) “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”
In this verse, there’s no mention that you should stop praying and go find that person to let them know that you forgive them.
c. Release the thought of anger and bitterness and hurt to God himself.
3. Forgiveness does not mean, by the way, to forget.
a. Trying to forget is merely an attempt to hide something.
b. When you hide something, someone will eventually find it.
c. We’re are to deal with the hurt and send it away.
C. Jesus didn’t just preach this. He lived this.
(Luke 23:33-34 NKJV) “And when they had come to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left. Then Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do. And they divided His garments and cast lots.”
Step II. FORGIVING OTHERS HELPS US TO UNDERSTAND AND RECEIVE FORGIVENESS OURSELVES
James Garfield was a lay preacher and principal of his denominational college. They say he was ambidextrous and could simultaneously write Greek, with one hand and Latin with the other.
In l880, he was elected president of the United States, but after only six months in office, he was shot in the back with a revolver. He never lost consciousness. At the hospital, the doctor probed the wound with his little finger to seek the bullet. He couldn’t find it, so he tried a silver-tipped probe. Still he couldn’t locate the bullet.
They took Garfield back to Washington, D.C. Despite the summer heat, they tried to keep him comfortable. He was growing very weak. Teams of doctors tried to locate the bullet, probing the wound over and over. In desperation they asked Alexander Graham Bell, who was working on a little device called the
telephone, to see if he could locate the metal inside the president’s body. He came, he sought, and he too failed.
The president hung on through July, through August, but in September he finally died, not from the wound, but from infection. The repeated probing, which the physicians thought would help the man, eventually, killed him.
So it is the same with people who dwell too long on their sin and refuse to release it to God.
If our greatest need had been information, God would have sent us an educator; If our greatest need had been technology, God would have sent us a scientist;
If our greatest need had been money, God would have sent us an economist;
If our greatest need had been pleasure, God would have sent us an entertainer; But our greatest need was forgiveness, so God sent us a Saviour.
(Mat 6:14-15 NKJV) “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
A. It seems as if God’s ability to forgive us is contingent upon our ability to
forgive others. That’s not exactly what this scripture is saying.
1. Understand that the scripture is quite clear from 1 John 1:9.
(1 John 1:9 NKJV) “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
a. There are no contingencies listed here.
b. We merely see that confession of sin brings about forgiveness which leads to cleansing.
2. Secondly, once we have experienced the forgiveness of God, there’s an expectation that we will in turn forgive others.
(Mat 18:21-22 NKJV) “Then Peter came to Him and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”
3. Thirdly, God is not looking at our ability to forgive, but rather our willingness to forgive.
a. God will meet us at that point of willingness.
b. When we will to do something, we’re not always able to perform it.
c. However, when God wills to do something, He is always able to perform it.
B. The reason for bringing this up is that some people are allowing the devil to beat them up and make them think they’re not forgiven because of their inability to completely forgive someone else.
1. The devil’s saying to them, “You’re not forgiven because you’re still mad at so and so.”
2. “Yes, I am mad, but as the Spirit leads me, I am dealing with it in obedience to God’s Word.”
3. Usually the enemy is bringing up those old hurts anyway.
Step III. HOW TO FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE SINNED AGAINST US
A. Meditate daily on what Christ went through in order to forgive you.
(Heb 12:3-4 NKJV) “For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.”
B. Examine your heart daily with all honesty to determine whether or not you
have contention in your heart toward someone.
C. Forgive quickly.
D. Verbalise your forgiveness to God in prayer.
My testimony:
When I gave my testimony here in this Chapel, I told you about my mother. How she sexually abused me as a child.
I have always said that if only she admits to me what she did, then I would be able to forgive her. This hasn’t been forthcoming.
As you may know, a couple of months ago I lost my job and went to an appeal hearing and my boss told a blatant lie to my Director about something that he claimed he had told me. He knew that he was lying, he was lying because if he had told the truth, it may have got him in trouble. He looked at me after telling this lie as if he was saying sorry in his eyes and looked down, ashamed. I shook my head, not as if showing him that he lied, but I shook my head at him at disapproval and disappointment that he had lied in the first place. He looked sorry for doing it and I understood that he was saying it to save his own skin. I understood that he had more to lose than I did, he was a Branch Manager and had a wife who was pregnant with a second child. He was paid more than me, he and his family had moved from Birmingham for this job. He had more to lose. I sacrificed my job for him. At that point I didn’t care about my job because I would trust in the Lord that he would provide and I would do what He had planned for me. I was secure in the knowledge that I had faith in the Lord. I immediately thought that God gave me this job in the first place and God has now taken this away. I knew at that point that this job was not worth fighting for because God told me there and then that he had better things for me. A few days later I was praying to God asking for him to forgive my boss for lying at my appeal and a voice came into my head. Gary if you can ask God to forgive Ricky for lying and getting you the sack then ask God to forgive your Mother for abusing you. I did. I did pray and ask the Lord to forgive my mam for the sins that she had committed against me and I also asked God to forgive my father for beating me up all the time and I asked the Lord to forgive my sister for being a drug addict.
At SNOCCASH Camp two weeks ago, Anita came up to me and asked if I could talk to a young girl about how I was able to forgive my mother for abusing me. We had both been counselling this girl for a number of years as a result of her own abuse that her father had put her through. I arranged a time that we could meet and went away to pray. You see, although I had prayed to God, that he forgives my mother for the abuse she had put me through, I myself hadn’t forgiven her. I prayed to God that He would give me the right words to tell this young girl that I hadn’t actually forgiven my mother but had given my mothers sins to God.
This was a very difficult and extremely dangerous situation. See, if I were to tell this girl that in all this time, 30 odd years, that I was still harbouring a grudge, then I may convey to her that she is going to have these problems for a long time also. This may tip her over, she may even think that her life would not be worth living. What I said to her may depend on her life. I had to pray to God because I didn’t know what to do.
Whilst praying, God spoke to me, He said, Gary don’t you realise that the fact that you asked me to forgive your mother is saying that you, yourself forgive her?
I hit me like a brick, of course, it was a part of His plan, and He put me through all this so that I may help others.
At seven thirty that evening, I met this teenage girl and after a time I admitted to her that I hadn’t actually forgiven my mother myself but that I asked God to forgive her. I then said that if she were able to ask God to forgive her father then she too would be able to come to terms with what had happened. I asked her if she couldn’t bring herself to do it now, with me, in Prayer. Then would she promise me to go away and think about it and maybe something might happen in the service that evening that would enable her to do so.
That evening, near the end of the service the speaker asked that if anyone had had anything to bring to the Lord, maybe someone had hurt you and you want the Lord to forgive them, then write it on a piece of paper and ask God for their forgiveness and then throw the paper in the bin. I wrote on my piece of paper for God to forgive this girls father and also wrote that God give this young girl the strength to ask for her fathers forgiveness. I stood up first and went to the front and prayed then threw the paper in the bin. As I was making my way back to my seat I noticed this young girl writing and I praised the Lord and thanked him.
At the end of the service at coffee time, Anita and the young girl came up to Anita and me said that the girl had something to tell me. We all hugged each other and cried and laughed. We were all at peace. God did it again, he mended a broken heart. Anita and I could now concentrate on other things now. And more importantly this young teenage girl could now stop hating her father and men in general and get on with her own life. I pray now that she can put all this behind her now and be able to live her life now how God wants her to.
As I can now do also.
Carolyn said to me on the way back home from camp that she can now understand why God put me through all this hardship. You see, Carolyn has been helping a lady in her office at work who has also been abused and she can see that by me having gone through all this, I have been able to help others and she too, in turn, through me, has been able to help this woman at work.
At camp I actually thanked God for putting me through all this. Its amazing isn’t it. I actually thanked God for my mother abusing me. I actually thanked God for my experiences in the Army. Because all the hardship that I went through pales into insignificance if I can help someone else live their life better.
If you have not been able to forgive someone for something, it is your duty as a Christian to forgive him or her, you’ll feel better for it, believe me. Give it to the Lord right now. If we could all pray silently now, just for a few minutes, if you bear a grudge about something, or someone, now is the time. If you want the Lord to forgive you for something that you have done, now is the time. Now is the time to ask God for forgiveness. Ask the Lord to come back into your lives.
Let us pray…….
PRAYER
To forgive like you, Lord! I now take this as the law of my life. You who have given the command, give also the power. You who had love enough to forgive me, will also fill me with love and teach me to forgive others. You who gave me the first blessings, in the joy of having my sins forgiven, will surly give me the second blessing, and deeper joy of forgiving others as you have forgiven me. Lord God, fill me with the faith in the power of your love in me, to make me like you, to enable me to forgive the seventy times seven, and so to love and bless all around me.
O My Jesus, Your example is my law: I must be like You. And Your example is My gospel too. I can be as you are. You are my law and my life. What You demand of me by Your example, You work in me by Your life. And I shall forgive like You.
Lord, only lead me deeper into my dependence on You, into all sufficiency of Your grace and the blessed keeping which comes from Your indwelling. Then shall I believe and prove the all-prevailing power of love. I shall forgive even as Christ has forgiven me.
Amen.
