History is full of stories of betrayal. Those who look like
friends sometimes turn on you. Friendship means nothing to
people who are bent on preserving privileges or feeding
ambitions. Some of us have friends who would sell us for
even less than Judas’ thirty pieces of silver if they could!
And some of us would cash in our friendships for next to
nothing.
Personally, I wish I could get at least ten cents on the dollar
for everything I have loaned out over the years. Everything
from cash to books to power tools has been loaned out to
friends. And if it came back at all, it was damaged or used
up. I let a friend use my saber saw; I thought he knew what
he was doing. But he used that little delicate saw to cut
down a heavy metal pole, and burned it right up. He then
avoided me for several weeks. You know what that feels
like? That feels like a personal betrayal. That feels like a
blatant misuse of friendship. It wasn’t about the tool. It was
about being a friend and expecting friendly treatment. But
what we get, too many times, is betrayal.
Nothing stings quite as much as betrayal by those closest to
you. If you have enemies, you can understand that they are
trying to hurt you. At least they are flying the enemy flag and
you know what’s going on. But to be hurt by your friends –
that stings! As the old saying goes, “With friends like mine,
who needs enemies?!”
Jesus had His share of enemies. As He approached
Jerusalem, there was a coalition pursuing Him. Some of
them were actively on His case, like the Pharisees, who
hated His spiritual freedom, and like the priests, who felt
threatened by His disdain for their religious niceties. Jesus
had some obvious enemies. And Jesus had some less
obvious enemies, too, like the political zealots, disappointed
that He had not led an uprising against Rome; and like the
Romans themselves, who were frankly indifferent about
another crazy candidate for Messiah. Jesus had powerful
enemies, both up front and behind the scenes.
But the most dangerous enemies Jesus had were among His
friends! The most dangerous people around Him were those
in His inner circle of disciples. They didn’t sound like
betrayers. No one saw their ulterior motives. They looked
like friends, good and true. And yet, with friends like Peter,
James, and John, who needs enemies? The closer we get
to some people, the more dangerous they become. Like the
French marshal said when faced with the plots of King Louis
XIV, “I can defend myself from my enemies; [I need
somebody to] defend me from my friends.”
Jesus knew how to deal with His friends. He knew how to
transform the weaknesses of His friends into strengths. He
knew how to take their insecurities and turn them into
loyalties. He understood how to turn His friends’ issues into
magnificent possibilities. Jesus did it by getting real with His
friends. Jesus got real with Peter and with James and with
John. What they were on that night in Gethsemane is not
the half of what they became, because Jesus got real with
His friends.
I want you to notice that there was one fundamental principle
that Jesus followed in getting real with His friends: He both
understood them and He trusted them. He understood how
weak and untrustworthy they were, but He trusted them
anyway. He trusted them, even though it would hurt Him and
send Him to a cross. He said, “The spirit indeed is willing,
but the flesh is weak.” That means that He understood them
for what they were, but He loved them for what they could
become. Jesus got real with His friends, and transformed
them.
Let’s follow those friends. Let’s find out where they were
coming from that night in the garden. And let’s discover
where Jesus took them when He got real with His friends.
I
There’s Peter, for one. Novelist Lloyd Douglas dubbed him
“the big fisherman”. “Big” is right. Everything about Peter
was larger than life. When Jesus first called Peter, he
immediately left his fishing net to follow. When he learned
about his mother-in-law’s illness, at once Peter took Jesus to
her bedside. When Jesus went off by Himself to rest and
pray, it was Peter who went looking for the Master, not
content to be quiet. This is a Type A personality: get it done,
do it now, say what you feel, don’t stop to look inside, blab,
blab, blah! Just do! I want this done yesterday! Do you
know anybody like that?
But Jesus got real with Peter. Jesus loved him, but Jesus
also understood him. When Peter blurted out the
confession, “You are the Christ, the Son of the Highest,” and
then followed it with the pronouncement that he would never
let anything happen to Jesus, Jesus faced him down with,
“Get behind me, Satan!” Jesus got real with Peter, and had
to do it again and again .. warning him that he would deny
three times in one night, telling him that if he did not accept
the gift of cleansing he could not be a part of the movement.
Again and again, Jesus forced His way through Peter’s
bluster and bravado and made him face himself.
Do you have any friends like Peter? People who talk a great
game but who seldom deliver the goods? People who
promise the world but give you only cold checks when
payday comes? Do you have any friends like Peter, who
cannot tell you “No”? If you ask them to help you, they are
so eager to please. Peters are people-pleasing persons who
plumb have a passion to pacify! But they are not there when
the going gets tough. It feels like a betrayal, doesn’t it? It
feels as though they led you down the primrose path and
dropped you off in oblivion.
So what do you say to these people-pleasing friends of
yours? How do you handle them when they fail to deliver on
their promises and back off from their high-sounding
commitments? I don’t know about you, but I can hear myself
now: “Oh, that’s all right. I know you wanted to help. These
things happen. I understand. It’s all right. Don’t worry about
it.” That’s what I say. But of course what I mean is more
like, “You rat. I can never depend on you. You have a big
mouth, but nothing ever works out.” What I really mean is,
“You betrayed me.” So why didn’t I say that? Why didn’t I
confront the “promises, promises” personality and tell him
exactly what is wrong? Because I too am a people-pleaser.
I too mess up by promising more than I am prepared to
deliver. I too can be full of hot air, hiding a cold heart. I don’t
tell the truth to my Peter friends because I am just like them!
But Jesus does. Jesus is, you see, the most authentic
person who ever lived. He IS truth. And He tells the truth.
“Get behind me .. you will deny .. you will have no part in
me”. Jesus got real with Peter. Jesus forced Peter to look
at himself. I submit to you that if we were to learn to speak
the truth, in love, to one another, we could shape lives and
we could grow authentic people. Look what happened to
Peter. Peter became the prince of the apostles. Peter stood
in front of the Temple not many months hence, and preached
the crucified Lord. Peter stood with a Roman centurion and
told a prejudiced public that God was no respecter of
persons. Peter became a man of his word and a person of
integrity. How? Because Jesus got real with Peter.
Because Jesus understood that the flesh was weak, but
trusted Peter, believing that his spirit was willing. Jesus
forced Peter to face himself.
If you have a Peter friend, a blustery, bragging, promise-
everything friend, speak the truth in love. Tell that friend you
know better. And though he splutter his protests now, he will
love you later, for you will make him into a man of his word.
Get real with Peter.
II
But let’s get on with our census. That little crowd that
surrounds Jesus in the high moments of his career. In
addition to Peter, there are the sons of Zebedee, brothers,
James the older and John the younger.
We don’t see a whole lot of James, on his own. He is always
paired with his brother John, or else the middle one of the
trio, Peter-James-John. It’s almost as if he is hidden
between the bookends of the noisy Peter and the whimpering
John. James says little, but he is always there. He looks like
a dependable friend. He looks like the person who is always
where he ought to be. The one who shows up whenever
people are supposed to show up. You have a church
meeting; James is there. You assign a task; James does it.
And yet, you wonder, just what is going on inside that
cranium? He says so little; he does not stand out. Is there
more to James than just the steady draft horse that plods
along and gets it done?
One day James breaks out. One day the hidden agenda
pops out. Fronted for by his mother, propped up by his little
brother, James asks when is he going to get his reward?
When can he expect to sit on the right hand of the Lord?
James – and although the Bible story makes it about both
James and John, I am putting the focus on James, because
he is the older, and no doubt set the tone for his younger
brother – James, it turns out, has been harboring secret
ambitions. He is in this friendship thing with Jesus for
himself. He wants first place in the coming Kingdom. My
mental picture of James is of a passive-aggressive person,
who looks so wonderfully agreeable until he drops a bomb on
you! Ambitious – silent for a while, but then wham!
Do you have ambitious friends? Who is there in your circle
of acquaintances who, if you are in some social gathering,
acts as though you don’t exist if there is some ranking
government official around or some prominent business
connection? Who do you know at your school who suddenly
becomes another person when she is around the
cheerleaders and the football team?
My parents used to get so irritated; we’d be in some
fellowship gathering at our church, when I was growing up,
and the pastor would be making his way around, greeting
people – and just as he would be about to speak to us, out of
the corner of his eye he would see the banker who was
always the moderator or the car dealer who was generally
the deacon chairman, and off he would go to hob-nob with
the folks whose favor he most needed. Or at least it seemed
that way to my parents. But now watch: it might not have
been about the pastor’s ambition. It could have been about
their ambition; it could have been about their need to be
associated with somebody prominent. Because, after all, the
key issue is our neediness, isn’t it? The key issue is that
ambitious people are needy people; we want prominence
because we need to be reassured that we are somebody.
We want to be around important people because we
somehow believe that greatness rubs off.
Oh, I know about this. We pastors – do you know what we
do when we get together? We let it drop that so-and-so is a
member of MY church .. as if that somehow made us better.
Let me rehearse a bit, because tomorrow I’m going to a DC
Baptist pastors’ meeting – and I will be looking for some
reason to mention that I have an army general in my church;
and a children’s home executive; and a federal health bureau
chief; and the assistant administrator of another agency – do
you see? Hey, if they know I am around these prominent
people they might think I am somebody! Ambition!
Poor James – so ambitious he rubs up against Jesus and
asks for the best place in the Kingdom. But again,
remember what Jesus does. Jesus gets real with His
friends. Jesus, the most authentic person who ever lived,
Jesus who understands that the flesh is weak, but loves us
and trusts that the spirit is willing – Jesus just probes. Jesus
asks James a gentle but firm question, “Are you able?” “You
do not understand what you are asking. Are you able to
drink the cup that I am about to drink?” And when James
and his tagalong brother say that they are able, Jesus is
again understanding but firm: “You will indeed drink my cup –
but to sit at my right hand – this is for those whom God will
give it.” In other words, James, you do not understand what
you are asking for. You do not admit your own ambition.
You do not see that you are my friend for your own selfish
purposes. But you will see. You will learn. Jesus simply lets
him think about it. He does not lecture, he does not rant and
rave, he does not put James down. He gently requires
James to look at his own heart, study his own motives, and
then count the cost.
Do you have a friend like James, who is just using you until
the next best thing comes along? Do you have a friend like
James, who is always looking to be out front, who loves the
limelight? Then just probe. Ask questions. Teach him to
examine his own heart. And you may discover that in his
own way, when the moment is right, he will come through for
you. He will be your friend in the clutch, if instead of
lecturing you probe, if instead of accusing you encourage.
In the Book of Acts, after the resurrection of Jesus, we read
one and only one thing about James – and that was that he
became the first of the twelve to die for Christ. James died
at the hands of King Herod; and I cannot help but imagine
that it was not because James was promoting James, but
because James was preaching Jesus. James became what
James really wanted to become – a standup man. Because
Jesus got real with James. Because Jesus understood him
and yet trusted him. Jesus understood the weakness of his
flesh, but loved the willingness of his spirit, and it changed
him. Jesus got real with His friend James.
III
But we are not quite finished yet. Not only is there big
bluster Peter, transformed into the prince of the apostles
when Jesus got real with him; and not only is there jaundiced
James, transformed into a loyal witness when Jesus got real
with him; but there is also John -- young, tender, John. The
disciple whom Jesus loved is what he is called in the book
which bears his name, the Gospel of John. Slight and
fragile, young John. Does he too betray Jesus? And does
Jesus have to get real with John too?
Do you have any friends who are immature? Do you know
someone who is likely to jump at the next thing before he has
finished what he is supposed to be doing? Do you have
friends whose attention span is about twelve minutes long?
They say that today’s generation is so conditioned by
television that they don’t stay with anything that lasts longer
than the space between commercial breaks! Do you have
any friends who just cannot stay put? Friends like John, who
said to Jesus once, “Teacher, we saw someone casting out
demons in your name, and we tried to stop him.” Impulsive,
not well thought out, in a hurry. Friends like John, who broke
the troubled silence in the Upper Room and popped the
question that was on everyone’s mind, asking which of them
would be the betrayer. John could hold his mouth, does
what he wants to do when he wants to do it. Immature.
Anybody got a friend like that?
I hope you do. I hope you have some immature friends. If
you have no immature friends, then it means you haven’t
bothered to make friends with young people. It means you
haven’t taken the time to go beyond the quick-witted banter
and really hear what their hearts are saying. I hope you have
some immature friends, because if you learn from Jesus,
who got real with John, you will know how to work with young
people.
Once again, now, how did Jesus get real with His friends?
He got real with His friends by understanding the weakness
of their flesh, but at the same time loving and trusting the
willingness of their spirits. What did He say? “The spirit
indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” That’s the principle
that Jesus used with Peter. That’s the principle that Jesus
used with James. And that’s the principle that Jesus uses
again with John. Jesus got real with John by trusting John
with significant things to do. Instead of complaining about
John’s youth and inexperience, Jesus gave John important
things to do. From the cross, Jesus entrusted his mother’s
welfare to John. A little later, the risen Jesus singled John
out for special prominence. Jesus shaped John by trusting
him in spite of his immaturity.
If you have a young and immature friend, do not deny him
real responsibilities. Give him something to do that matters.
One of my students at the University of Kentucky came to a
recommitment point in his life. So he went to his pastor to
see what he could do for the Kingdom; the pastor looked at
him and saw nothing more than a nineteen-year-old wet-
behind-the-ears kid, and said, “Well, maybe we could mow
the grass more often.” My young student was crushed; in his
impulsiveness he had asked to do something for the Lord but
was given nothing but a brush-off. Jesus would not have
done that. Jesus would have understood that he might be
young and unfinished; but Jesus would have loved his willing
spirit and would have given him something real to do. Jesus
always got real with His friends.
Conclusion
Jesus always gets real with His friends. Aren’t you glad?
Aren’t you glad that He understands? For we are a mess,
aren’t we? He understands; but He keeps on loving us.
Even when we are Peter and our promises outstrip the truth,
He loves us enough to confront us. Even when we are
James and our ambition blinds us, He loves us enough to
probe at us. And even when we are John and reach for
more than we can handle, He loves us enough to entrust
with something to do. I’m so glad that Jesus gets real with
us.
For if Jesus had not gotten real with me, I’d still be posing as
an academic bum instead of getting down and dirty with real
people. If Jesus had not gotten real with me, I’d still be
wishing I was in some prominent pulpit with plaudits and
praise instead of just loving a branch of Zion that blooms
right here. If Jesus had not gotten real with me, I’d still be
running after some new trick or sampling some new treat
instead of telling the old, old story of Jesus and His love.
Think of it! Jesus just might make something of us, because
Jesus gets real with His friends!
