But Jesus was saying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you not seven times, but seventy-seven times. This is how my heavenly Father will treat you each unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:21)
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Col. 3:13)
What does the worst day of your life look like? Is it a ticket from the police? a burnt meal when a special guest is sitting in your dining room? the death of loved one?
For Dave Roever it was late 1968 when he found himself in Vietnam for the first time serving with the United States as a member of the elite Brown Water Black Beret. He served in the Mekong Delta area until July 26, 1969 when he was severely wounded. As the boat he was riding in while looking for the enemy came around the corner, a sniper bullet pierced his hand and went right through the phosphorous grenade that he had raised within six inches of his head.
The grenade exploded and blew up the boat. On fire, he laid face down in the river, part of his head blown off and his body severely damaged. Large amounts of his skin were floating around him as he was rescued from the burning water. Several of his team lost their lives that day.
As they carried him to the helicopter the burning phosphorous caused him to burn right though the stretcher and he landed right on his head as he fell to the ground. He was having a really bad day.
Later, en route to the medical hospital, the doctors on the helicopter thought he had died, so they took his dog tag and got ready to pound it between his teeth, indicating his death. He thought to himself, “This is going to hurt.” Suddenly Dave opened his eyes and it so scared the helicopter crew that they almost crashed. He said, “I knew we were going to crash that day and I would be the only one to live.” (1) A really bad day.
It was Passover. They all wondered if they had the ability to betray their master. Night fell over the city of cities, Jerusalem. The business of the day gave way to quiet crickets and an occasional weary traveler looking for lodging. As a thick curtain of evil descended upon the Holy City, the light of the world is about to be snuffed out by the powers of darkness.
It was only a temporary blackout, for after three days the Light of the World would rise again, bringing everlasting life to those who would receive it. On the road to His final breath, Jesus would experience a day like no other. It would be the worst day mankind would walk through. It was filled with:
Realistic reminders: Words that were directed to Peter: “Peter, Satan is not only after me, but he has you in the cross hairs of his bow,”…he is aiming for a bigger prize than Judas:
“Simon, Simon, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail.” (Luke 22:31)
Unfaithful disciples: Jesus needs His disciples to help carry the load. Yet they can’t stay awake to pray, and they all flee when the heat in the oven gets too hot. Even Peter who said he would fight to the death is overcome by the pressure of the hour.
Even Peter insisted emphatically, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” (Mark 14:31)
Deceitful Judas: Jesus finally releases His will to that of His father. Not a moment too soon as a serpentine-like trail of soldiers led by the snake, Judas himself, comes through the entrance to the garden known as Gethsemane. With poison in his kiss, Judas steps forward and consummates the evil transaction.
Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him and lead him away under guard.” (Mark 14:44)
Fearful Peter: The Lion of the tribe of Judah is tied up like a lamb and led to the slaughter. The mob snakes its way out of the garden and frightened disciples flee into the streets of Jerusalem to hide in the alleys, discouraged because of the turn of events. Peter takes his first fearful step as he follows the crowd to the high priest’s house and tries to stay warm by a night fire. It is not long before his voice gives him away.
Again he denied it. After a little while, those standing near said to Peter, “Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.” (Mark 14:70)
Hideous Evil: It was awful beyond belief - night trials, thirty-nine lashes of the whip, mocking by the soldiers, a crown of thorns pressed on His skull, blood running down His face, and exposed and naked as He carried His cross through the most public part of Jerusalem. Then finally, the agonizing pain of crucifixion.
For six hours, Jesus hung on the cross. It was almost impossible to breathe. He had to push Himself upward on the lone spike that held his feet then gasp for air. With every moment, knife-like pain shot through His body. Every muscle was twisted into painful cramps. His shoulders slipped out of their sockets as they carried the weight of His body. Sweat poured down His lacerated back. Most people would curse, swear, or slip into insanity or a coma. Jesus held His sufferings inside, to Himself.
Only seven times does He speak from the cross, each time exposing an area of human need that God wants to meet. In the next few weeks we will gaze at our Savior’s last hours and discover what is really important to God.
God loves to welcome you into life. He invited Mary to carry His plan of salvation. He welcomed the disciples to just hang out. He let adulteress women start over, clean and fresh. And He encouraged Thomas to see and touch the wounds for himself. These are some of God’s favorite words: receive…come…invite.
Another of God’s favorite words is forgiveness. As we look at the first words of Jesus on that last day, we can’t help but say, God really thinks this is important.
What Does Forgiveness Look Like?
1. Forgiveness is God at His best when man is at his worst.
But Jesus was saying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
What motivated the savior to break the silence of that afternoon with such words of grace? To really appreciate what Jesus said we have to look at what was going on around Him at the moment. Few things in life hurt as bad as words that are intended to wound - words that drip with sarcasm, words that pierce with hatred, words that are intended to leave the recipient emotionally and physically destroyed. Three groups of people surrounded the Savior that day and pour out their venomous dialogue.
From the onlookers…
Those who passed by hurled insults at Him, shaking their heads and saying, “So! You are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, come down from the cross and save yourself.”
(Mark 15:29-30)
From the religious leaders…
The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at Him. They said, “He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ of God, the Chosen One.” (Luke 23:35)
From the soldiers…
The soldiers came up and mocked Him. They offered Him wine vinegar and said, “If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.” (Luke 23:36-37)
Some years later Peter writes to believers who are facing persecution. He takes his audience back to that dreadful day in Jerusalem and gives them some insight as to how to handle words that wound in 1 Peter 2:23: When they hurled insults at Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats.
There is no way I would have responded that way. I might have even flexed a little spiritual power. “Hey Mike, let me tell you a few things about your life,” as he reads Mike’s mail publicly. “By the way guys, I am coming back in resurrection, I will be the one on the white horse, and I’ll be looking for you.” No, He graciously carries the insults.
Instead, He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly. He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed. (1 Peter 2:24)
Listen friend, those are the most liberating words in the world. He took our sins and carried them on the tree. He carried your alcoholic addiction, He bore your shame of marital unfaithfulness, He experienced your uncontrolled anger. The Bible says, “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.” (Is. 53:3) How could the sinless Savior be acquainted with our sin? He became our sin as Peter tells us. He carried your guilt, shame, insecurity, prejudice, and anxiety with Him on the cross. Then, at a moment in time, He offered that up to God.
2. Forgiveness is a transaction. An injury or offense takes place in which a debt is incurred. The offended party makes a choice to offer payment for that debt in the currency of forgiveness.
Let me make sure that we clear up a few misunderstandings about forgiveness. Before we can build, we have to blast. We have to blast away the erroneous thoughts on what forgiveness is not. (2)
· When you forgive a person, this does not mean you are immediately healed.
· When you forgive a person, this does not mean you are going to be buddy/buddy.
· When we forgive a person, this does not mean we surrender the right to restitution or justice when appropriate.
· When we forgive a person, this does not mean that we trust them, yet.
· When we forgive a person, we are not avoiding pain, we are opening the door to healing.
· When we forgive, we take the journey at the pace we are able to handle...the deeper the hurt, the longer the journey.
A lady who heard this message came to me in tears and said, “Thank You Pastor. Now I know how to relate to the party that injured me. You see my brother was shot in the back by a police officer. I have had a hard time forgiving. Today my breakthrough came. I can forgive and yet realize trust may take some time.”
1. Forgiveness opens the door to a fresh start.
Seven Times?
It came about as the result of Peter’s inquiring as to what “big-hearted forgiveness,” really looks like?
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ”Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus then answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times…” (Matt. 18:21-23)
That day Peter was sure that his righteousness was well above the status quo. Rabbis instructed those who forgave to be willing to do it at least three times. On the fourth offense, you were not obligated to forgive. Peter took that number and forged out his own equation. Here is a story problem that Peter might have submitted:
For three days straight, Rudy, the olive vender, shortchanged me by 2 shekels. I had it up to my hand made “kippa.” So I approached the visiting Rabbi, you know that new guy in town, named Jesus, and I posed him a question. “How many times should I forgive, Rudy?” Being pious and generous I suggested to forgive him 7 times. My equation was doubling the 3 and then adding one top for good Jewish measure. To my surprise, the visiting Rabbi, suggested not seven, but 70 x 7! Ouch!
Divine and Human Forgiveness
A parable in Matthew 18 drives home the truth that divine and human forgiveness go hand in glove, like riders on a tandem bike, like a baby attached at the umbilical cord.
A fair and just king (Master) returned from a long, arduous journey on the outskirts of his kingdom. He decided it was time to expand his holdings, but was a little short on cash. He called in his accountant and said, “Its time to settle some accounts,” (vs. 23) balloon payments and all.
By noon they had worked through half the creditors. They were thinking they could knock off early until they hit a snag in the plan. The one creditor, who owed him the most, was unable to pay. As per the contract, the master required the sale of his family to pay the debt. The creditor turned vender begged for mercy and assured that if he had time all 10,000 talents would be paid.
Exhibiting his benevolence, the king, he gave him more than time to pay off his debts, he decided to forgive the debt. Sometime later, the forgiven creditor went out and called in his own debtors, and wasn’t as forgiving. He actually took some of his own anger out on a guy who owed him a little and then threw the man and his family in prison.
When we read this story it is so easy to really miss the significance because of the cultural details of the text. Since we don’t trade in denarii, we miss what Matthew is really saying. So it’s important to find some type of illustration that truly allows us to appreciate the distinction between the two values of debt that were forgiven.
William Barclay, provides a vivid picture of the ancient value of these two debts in the following story:
A.R.S. Kennedy drew this vivid picture to contrast the debts. Suppose they were paid in sixpences. The 100 denarii (the smaller debt) could be carried in one pocket like loose change. The 10,000-talent debt would take an army of about 8,600 carriers to carry it, each carrying a sack of sixpence’s weighing 60 lbs. in weight. If they formed a line, one-yard apart, it would measure 5 miles long! (3)
The point is well made. Nothing that man does to us compares to the forgiveness that God has granted to us. Since God has forgiven us a great debt, we must forgive others.
Back to the story, it wasn’t long but word got around, as to what had happened:
When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their Master everything that had happened. (Matthew 18:31)
The words, “told their Master everything,” means, “explained in detail.” (4) As the master was listening to the whole story, he was hearing this account:
“...And his face turned red with anger, and then he started choking the guy.”
“...He looked like he enjoyed it when he announced the consequences.”
“...He yelled repeatedly, as if possessed, ‘Pay back! You’re gonna pay back!’ There was no spirit of gratitude for what you had provided to him, Master.”
“...We were so traumatized and distressed by how he treated the poor guy, we need counseling.”
The whole story was told. Not one detail was left unaccounted for. The guy looked like a monster when the servants finished conveying what happened that day.
Do you want to know what gets God angry? This type of living. In fact, He not only gets angry, it solicits a part of His wrath that no one wants to experience. Do you remember lightening bolts at Sodom? Can you tread water for 40 days? Oh, how powerful Egypt thought she was, until the plagues Moses preached about rolled through town.
Jesus sees no conflict here between a Father who forgives so graciously and frequently and a Father who punishes so swiftly and completely.
Do you get the point Jesus is making? Be quick to forgive. Do it often. And don’t forget to include forgetting.
Four Promises of Forgiveness
1. Avoid mentally rehearsing the events associated with the offense.
When it comes to forgiveness, there are three bases we all have to touch. Even though no two situations of forgiveness are ever the same and each of us puts our own spin on the transaction of forgiveness, forgiveness follows the same pattern.
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First, forgiveness allows us to see how human the other person really is. Our feet of clay are never more real than when we injure others. Have you ever noticed when you are injured or offended, how easy it is to shrink that person to the sum of the offense? They become just a cheat or a liar. Before your very eyes, like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz, “they are melting, they are melting, they are melting….”
He is no longer a broken creature made in the image of God, a confusing mixture of good and evil. He is reduced to a total sinner who did us wrong. As we apply God’s healing balm of forgiveness, the lenses of perception that were smudged by bitterness and resentment bring the person back into the focus of faulty humanity. Rehearsing the event over and over in your mind causes them to get smaller and smaller in your mind.
Second, let go of the need to get even. The enjoyment you get from watching the offender leisurely turn and burn on the hellish rotisserie of shame and guilt is not going get any points with God.
Third, start immediately blessing the person you forgive. We will only feel differently about the person if we see him differently. Ronald Reagan’s attitude after the 1982 attempt on his life made an impression on his daughter, Patti Davis:
“The following day my father said he knew his physical healing was directly dependent on his ability to forgive John Hinckley. By showing me that forgiveness is the key to everything, including physical health and healing, he gave me an example of Christ-like thinking.” (5)
The Bible reminds us, “that as a man thinketh, so he is.” What you think determines how you behave. President Reagan’s attitude toward John Hinckley made all the difference in his recovery.
1. Refuse to bring the offense up and use it against the person at a later date.
At the heart of forgiveness is the commitment to not only forgive but to forget. We’ve all heard or even lived the motto, “OK, I’ll forgive, but I’ll never forget.” This happens so often that it is second nature. And that is the problem; it is a part of the old nature. We need to get a new nature. Paul reminds us of this truth when he said, “Old things pass away, all things become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) If you fail to commit to forgetting, then you truly haven’t forgiven.
2. Flee the attempt to tell others about this offense.
One of the real tests of forgiveness is when we are willing to bury the details of the offense. Like a corpse going into a casket never to be exhumed, we bury the offense in a casket of forgetfulness to never be brought up again. Oh, this is so hard.
As a part of reconciling a conflict, if we have passed the story on to third parties, we must confess the wrong of tale bearing and go give a good report of how the offense has been reconciled.
3. Forsake the temptation to let the circumstances of the injury raise its ugly head and hinder the relationship.
The only way we can do this is to know what to forgive. We don’t use surgery to get rid of every little blemish, and we don’t use forgiveness to heal every little conflict. So when is forgiveness appropriate? Let’s turn to author Lewis B. Smedes from Fuller Seminary and get some advice. (6)
We have to forgive people. If the church, the state, the government or some other faceless organization wrongs you, you can’t forgive the institution. You forgive the people, even though the link between organizations and people can be close.
We forgive people for what they do, not who they are. We are not called to forgive people for being lazy, arrogant, or ethnic. We are not called to forgive because they are blockheads, or dress poorly or are too loud in life. We forgive people for the wrong they do to us. People do not injure us by being liars; they injure us by lying to us. People don’t wrong us being unfaithful; they wrong us by breaching trust.
We forgive people who injure us seriously. The Bible reminds us, “It is the glory of man to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11) People bump us in the store, spill ketchup on our clothes, stick their foot in their mouth, and forget to use manners. These are things to be overlooked because we should have a magnanimous spirit—the quality of a large spirit. There is a difference between those who are a pain in the neck and those who break a confidence.
When we fail to forgive correctly, the power of forgiveness is diluted, the majesty of it is spoiled and the healing process is disrupted. God loves to forgive; how wonderful His forgiveness is. How like Jesus we are when we forgive others. There is not a single person sitting here or listening today that is not free from something because of forgiveness.
The book “Will Daylight Come?” by Richard Hoefler, illustrates the truth that forgiveness frees and unforgiveness enslaves.
A little boy visiting his grandparents was given his first slingshot. He practiced in the woods, but he could never hit his target. As he came back to grandma’s back yard, he spied her pet duck. On an impulse he took aim and let it fly. The stone hit its target.
The boy panicked. Desperately he hid the dead duck in the woodpile, only to look and see his sister watching. Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.
After lunch that day, Grandma said, “Sally, let’s wash the dishes.” But Sally said, “Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen today. Didn’t you, Johnny?” And she whispered to him, “Remember the duck!” So Johnny did the dishes.
Later Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing. Grandma said, “I’m sorry, but I need Sally to help make supper.” Sally smiled and said, “That’s all taken care of, Johnny wants to do it.” Again she whispered, “Remember the duck.” Johnny stayed while Sally went fishing.
After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally’s, he couldn’t stand it. He confessed to Grandma that he’d killed her duck. “I know, Johnny,” she said, giving him a hug. “I was standing at the window and saw the whole thing. Because I love you, I forgave you! I wondered how long you would let Sally make you a slave.” (7)
When we don’t forgive we are cast into a chamber of horrors from which we cannot get free. Then we introduce into our spirit man attitudes and actions that leave us judgmental, unteachable and bitter.
God has forgiven us. Forgive others. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. And go on forgiving.
Father, I receive Your forgiveness through the death of Jesus Christ. I accept the fact that from You I can do nothing to earn eternal life. I believe that You want me in Your forever family. I confess with my mouth my love and desire to serve You with my whole heart. Amen
End Notes
1. These facts are associated with the testimony of Dave Roever.
2. Lewis B. Smedes, The Art of Forgiveness. Christian Family Book Club, Division of Ballantine Publishing Group, Random House, Inc. New York, 1996, pg. 177-178. These quotes are used on the back of the book to review some of the highlights about forgiveness.
3. William Barclay. Daily Bible Study Series. The Westminster Press, Philadelphia, Pa. 1975 (revised) pg. 194
4. Frank E. Gaebelein. The Expositor’s Bible Commentary: Matthew, Mark, Luke. Zondervan Publishing, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1984, pg. 407.
5. Steve Cole. To illustrate: Forgiveness, Leadership Magazine 1983, Christianity Today, pg. 83.
6. Lewis B. Smedes, The Art of Forgiveness. Christian Family Book Club, Division of Ballantine Publishing Group, Random House, Inc. New York, 1996, pg. 15-20.
7. Leadership Magazine, Christianity Today, Inc., To Illustrate: Forgiveness by Steve Cole; Leadership 1983, pg. 86.
