25Near the cross of Jesus stood His mother, His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdeline. 26When Jesus saw His mother there, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” 27and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. (John 19:25-27)
9Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm lone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
The Seattle Super Sonics started the season with a record of 8-2. Now, it was the first week of February and the trade deadline was encroaching on a franchise that had fallen from grace. They had slipped to the second worst team in the Pacific Division of the Western Conference at nine games below five hundred. Instead of talking about the play-offs in May and June, they were now hoping for a lottery pick. This is when the worst teams of the past season come together and select the top players for the next year’s draft through a lottery.
Hours before the deadline, the Seattle Super Sonics front office traded the most famous and popular player in the history of the Seattle Super Sonics. Called “the glove” for his tenacious defense, Gary Payton was a nine-time All-Star. Now he was en-route to be reunited with his former coach, George Karl of the Milwaukee Bucks. The day after the trade a local newspaper ran this story: “Payton, Mason Spend Trade Night Together.”
Dazed by Thursday’s unexpected trade to the Milwaukee Bucks, Desmond Mason felt the need to talk. So late in the afternoon, he and his wife, Andrea drove over to Gary Payton’s Eastside home where they ended up staying for dinner and conversation.
The two families “had the opportunity to just kind of hang out together and console each other,” he said. “It was really good. It helped me a lot. I am sure that it helped Gary, but it helped me get through it.” (1)
A surprise trade for a young NBA superstar, Desmond needed support from a veteran player. One who had been in the trenches; someone who could help the young gun get through his first trade. Oh, yeah, this was Payton’s first trade. As the scripture says, “two are better than one.”
The news media reporting the Sonics trade of Gary Payton for Ray Allen of the Bucks reinforces today’s message: you were created by God to be in relationship. God wants us to move from isolation to involvement. We are called to live in relationship not isolation. Take off the mask. Relate. Open up. Be real.
Removing The Debris Of Unhealthy Relationships
One of the most touching, tender, and teachable moments in Scripture is about how to form healthy relationships. It is from the third of the Savior’s seven sayings from the cross. God created you to experience life together with others. If there was ever a topic that needs a fresh look, a new discovery, or a return to authentic living it is - Committing to Meaningful and Lasting Relationships.
You were not only created by God to live and last forever, you were created by God to love and laugh together. The enemy of our soul wants to destroy that wonderful experience through unhealthy fellowship patterns that will rob us of vital relational ingredients.
Fresh vegetables are the best. The natural ingredients are preserved as we eat them fresh. The minute we cook them, some of the nutritional value is lost. Relationships get over-cooked and loose their relational value when unhealthy patterns are present. I just happen to believe that you are too valuable to lose in a world trapped by unhealthy relationship patterns. Let me suggest that you avoid the slippery slope of these three types of relationships.
1. The Superficial Person - This person may be long on love, but they are short on openness. They flit from relationship to relationship, building community with people that are about an inch deep. They seldom share their hurts, reveal their mistakes, or rarer yet, ask for help and prayer. The superficial person is big on relationship, but little on openness. Genuine relationships are not superficial. They get below the waterline of pretending, politicking and silly politeness.
But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another. (1 John 1:7 NIV)
But if we walk in the light, God Himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another. (1 John 1:7 MSG)
2. The Super Spiritual Person - We’ve all been around this person. Always spiritual, the natural and human elements of humanity get no press. Their prayers have a preaching edge to them; they sound like King James. This super spiritual person is bent declaring and executing their spiritual agendas. They often run through red lights of relationships rather than building green lights of trust that say, “I’m interested in you.”
And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. (Matthew. 6:5 NIV)
And when you come before God, don’t turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom. Do you think God sits in a box seat? (Matthew 6:5 MSG)
Overhearing her child pray one day, mom heard the little one say, “Dear God, help me not to be big. Help me not to be small. Help me to be just medium.” God wants us to have a proper view of ourselves in Jesus Christ.
3. The Superior Person - The name speaks for itself. The superior person is always right; the most valuable person in the group or relationship. They look down their nose at others. The superiority keeps people at arm’s length.
1 Do not judge, or you will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. (Matthew 7:1-2 NIV)
Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults-unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. (Matthew 7:1-2 MSG)
What Does Real Fellowship Look Like?
It is easier to slip into our post-modern patterns of relating rather than move toward involvement over isolation, longing for genuineness over guardedness. The only salvation today is Solomon’s wise counsel on relating:
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; 10If one falls down, his friend can help up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. 11Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
Let’s bring four essential ingredients to real and genuine relationships to the surface. Solomon’s advice for many of you will not only be timely but transforming. In his masterpiece on relationships, Chuck Swindoll attaches a relational truth to each verse. (2)
1. They have good return for their labor - Mutual Effort (vs. 9)
2. One will lift up his companion - Mutual Support (vs. 10)
3. They keep (each other) warm - Mutual Encouragement (vs. 11)
4. They can resist an attack - Mutual Strength (vs. 12)
If we want to move from existing to living, then my Bible suggests we share life’s experiences. Only then am I able to endure and enjoy whatever comes my way - with others.
Start now! Bring out the welcome mat. Drop the no solicitation signage. Do it before it’s too late. Why wait another moment? Take off the mask. Let go of the cover up and dodge.
Go all the way! Put on a nametag. Be vulnerable. Risk being misunderstood. It is the only life worth living - one that includes others. God modeled this for us in Genesis 1:26 (NIV), “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over…’”
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” (Genesis 2:18)
The garden was perfect. Adam was created by a perfect God. Adam had no flaws. Yet, something was missing. Community. Koinonia. Companionship. God existed with a community DNA; He has always dwelt and existed in relationship to the other members of the Godhead. Until Adam enjoyed these similar relationship patterns he would be missing something.
Every time you invest relationally in another person you reproduce and model what God has been enjoying for all eternity. Do you want to please God? Can I let you in on a little secret? Do that which is dear to God’s heart. Drop the mask. Be real. Sign up for a small group. Relate. Open up. When you flow into the lives of others, you beat a well-worn path of relationship right to the heart of God. Stop the insanity of keeping people at an arm’s length.
As we approach the Savior in John 19, we need to take off our shoes because we are standing on the holy ground of relationships. The church has yet to be born. We are still weeks away from the deposit of thousands of newborn babes into the warm incubation of Pentecost. Yet some very unmistakable things are happening in unlikely places. God is building community. Jesus’ life is gathering people to purposes that will sustain them in their darkest hour.
The years have aged her beautiful Galilean life. An unexpected trip to Egypt shortly after the birth of her first born, Jesus, added unwanted miles to her fragile frame. Joy filled her heart daily as she watched her son pound nails, make small chairs, and clean up after each project that seasoned his carpentry skills. No dad could be more proud than when a son wants to follow in his footsteps. Those infantile feet were now filling out sandals the same size worn by dad. The two men in Mary’s life were sharing carpentry steps and carpentry skills.
Then one day Jesus announced, “John has been preaching in the desert. My time has come.” He folded His apron for the last time. Put away His tools. He kicked the sawdust off His sandals and said good-bye to Mary. From that day, Mary would only see and “love her son from a distance,” as Max Lucado would say. (3)
From time-to-time she would join the multitudes at the Sea of Galilee, at the Sermon on the Mount, or near a number of medicinal springs teaming with the afflicted looking for release. Mary swelled with pride as the news of her son’s ministry filled the landscape and drew people from Jerusalem, Tyre and Sidon, and the region of the Decapolis. The message of Christ’s teaching and love filled the lush valleys, mountain passes, and Greek cities with the hope of healing, salvation, exorcism, and miracles.
How could the three years have gone so by so fast? It seems like just yesterday that Jesus played with His siblings, climbed the hills of Nazareth, and ran with His friends in the streets of Galilee. Three years have passed, and now Mary stands near her son’s side.
As we, too, draw near the side of Jesus, we are impressed with the lessons He is teaching about how to cultivate lasting and meaningful relationships/friendships.
If I were to ask how many friends you have, you’d probably say a lot, or many. The real truth is, we have many acquaintances but only a few friends. We are all called to live in relationship - not isolation. There is no room for an independent in the body of Christ.
Our text today reveals three types of love that God has created to satisfy your relational needs:
1. Agape friends: (v. 25)
2. Phileo friends: (v. 26)
3. Storge friends: (vs. 26)
When You Get Closer, You Grow Deeper
1. Getting closer means recognizing the truth that we need each other to build the team.
“Near the cross of Jesus stood His mother…” (John 25:19)
God has arranged the patterns of His blessing to fall upon people willing to risk the need for relationships. In fact, we do our very best in life when we do it with others. That means isolation; the one-man dream team must be set aside. As Christians, we are notorious for the attitude, “just give me a good sermon on Sunday and a book by Max Lucado during the week and leave me to my privacy.” Our text today teaches us anything but that.
A unique realization of our need for relationship bleeds through from every corner of our text. Notice that Jesus created Mary. Mary carried and cared for Jesus. Then Jesus committed Mary to John. The relationships are passed around like a deck of cards at a family reunion.
Seven days before his death John Donne wrote, “…and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for me.” (4) But what comes before this statement tells the whole tale. “No man is an island, entire to itself; every man is a piece of a continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less…”
If you want to be true to God’s Word, you have to live the truth that “no man is an island, entire to himself.”
“The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all of its parts are many, they form one body”. (1 Corinthians 12:12 NIV)
“You can easily enough see how this kind of thing works by looking no further than your own body.”
(1 Corinthians 12:12 MSG)
2. Growing deeper means rejoicing in the truth that we need others who are different than us.
At the cross, stood a group of ladies who were as different as any group that could have been assembled. Four women who believed stood facing four soldiers who crucified Jesus. How different they were:
Mary Magdalene: A place of Redemption.
Her life was filled with pain and bondage. She had been enslaved to seven evil spirits. One day Jesus’ life cast a shadow across her possessed spirit and she was free. Miraculously. Immediately. Permanently. Acts 26:18, has the Mary Magdalenes of this world in mind when it reads: “To open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to the power of God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins.”(NIV)
“I am sending you off to open the eyes of outsiders so they can see the difference between dark and light, and choose light, see the difference between Satan and God, and choose God. I am sending you off to present my offer of sins forgiven, and a place in the family, inviting them into the company of those who begin real living by believing in me.” (Acts 26:18 MSG)
That day at Calvary, Christ secured the keys that break the power of sin through His death, burial, and resurrection. It was a costly death. Jesus had to die to secure our deliverance.
You can move from darkness into light today, because Christ moved from the light of eternity and heaven into the darkness of human existence.
You can be delivered from the power of darkness today, because Jesus Christ became your substitute. He acted on your behalf when God turned His face and forsook Jesus.
You can be delivered from the burden of guilt and shame, because Christ became our sin. He was not only our substitute He was our representative. Jesus became our sin.
Mary stood near the cross. She cried convulsively. She who had been forgiven much and delivered miraculously was now looking upon all humanity’s source of help and hope.
His mother’s sister: A place of Rebuke.
40 “Some women were watching from a distance. Among them was Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James the younger of Joses, and Salome. 41 In Galilee these women had followed Him and cared for His needs. Many other women who had come up with Him to Jerusalem were also there.” (Mark 15:40-41 NIV)
This unidentified woman is most often referred to as Salome. (John 19:25 suggests she was Mary’s sister). She is famous for being the mom of two of Jesus’ disciples, James and John, also known as the Sons of Thunder. It is her request that ticks off the other disciples when she asked that they be given permission to sit at the right and left hand of Jesus’ throne (Matt. 20:20-24). Why were the other disciples ticked off? Because they hadn’t thought of it themselves.
Mary, The Mother of Jesus: A place of Relationship.
Near the cross of Jesus stood His mother, His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdeline. (John 19:25)
Jesus turns to Mary and says, “Behold, your son.” They seem to share a secret. The ache that Jesus faced in that moment was far deeper than that of crucifixion. It was a son saying good-bye; a son wanting to offer His very best in that final hour. And He did that in John, the closest to Him of all the disciples.
John would fill Mary in on those missing years of Jesus’ life, the years she watched from the sidelines. Now he would take her home and provide a kind of family support that Mary had not known. Jesus said good-bye, but He was really saying, “See you tomorrow” as Max Lucado says. (5)
3. When you get closer it causes you to grow deeper and you are rewarded for your efforts.
26“When Jesus saw His mother there, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. (John 19:26-27)
In John 20:1-10 is the touching story of John and Peter’s race to the tomb. And once John believed, the Scripture says, “Then the disciples went back to their homes…”
John returned home and guess who was present? Mary, the mother of Jesus. They shared a most intimate experience now as mom and son. Relationships had been born through adversity and faithfulness.
Evaluate Your Friendship Factor
A friend is someone who knows everything about you and completely accepts you.
A friend is someone who can confront you with your greatest weakness without you getting defensive.
A friend is someone who exists outside your party line (children, senior adults, non-Pentecostals).
A friend is someone who you can partner with to achieve God’s will for your lives.
Our Mission, God’s Message, Your Move!
Every message ends with the proclamation - You were created by God to be in relationship! Take off the mask. Relate. Open up. Be real. Will you? It’s your move!
“I am sending you off to open the eyes of outsiders so they can see the difference between dark and light, and choose light, see the difference between Satan and God, and choose God. I am sending you off to present my offer of sins forgiven, and a place in the family, inviting them into the company of those who begin real living by believing in me.” (Acts 26:18 MSG)
End Notes
1. Rick Myhre, The Everett Herald, Paytons, Masons spend trade night together. February 22, 2003, pg. E-7
2. Charles R. Swindoll. Dropping Your Guard, Word Publishing, Dallas, Texas, 1983, pg. 22.
3. Max Lucado. No Wonder They Call Him Savior, Multnomah Press, Sisters, Oregon, 1986, pg. 40.
4. Charles R. Swindoll. Dropping Your Guard, Word Publishing, Dallas, Texas, 1983.
5. Max Lucado. No Wonder They Call Him Savior, Multnomah Press, Sisters, Oregon, 1986, pg. 41.
