1If I could speak in any language in heaven or earth but didn’t love others, I would be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or clanging cymbal. 2If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn’t love others, what good would it be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. 3If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would be of no value whatsoever. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
There was once a Baptist preacher from South Carolina who dreamed of leading a Bible College. Like all dreams that are worthwhile, he had to work hard to make it happen. He studied and applied himself in the academic world, and in time he achieved what he had felt destined to all of his life - he became the president of a Bible College.
And then it began to happen. Day by day, little by little, he watched as his precious wife sipped away in the devastating grip of Alzheimer’s. He must have died a little each day along with her, and he soon realized that he could not possibly take care of her and be the president of a Bible College.
And so he gave up his presidency to care for his wife. His peers in the academic world were incredulous. “What are you doing?” they asked. “Your wife doesn’t even know who you are!”
The man answered, “She might not know who I am, but I know who she is. She’s the woman I made a promise to until death do us part.” (1)
He kept the promise and did the honorable thing.
Did you realize that your greatest dream in life is not to attain a prestigious position; or to make a million dollars; or become a star? There’s nothing wrong with those things. But in the end, they don’t really matter. What is your greatest need?
To be loved.
Our greatest need in life is to be loved. An entire chapter in the Bible was dedicated to help us understand our need for love and how to experience it in a healthy way. Our greatest need is to love and be loved! And not just any love - but a supernatural love that only God can provide. Are you interested? Then, read on…
All I Need Is Love
What The World Needs Now…Is Love Sweet Love
Love Letters In The Sand
Just An Old Fashioned Love Song
Love Me Tender
These songs from the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s are a reminder that we cannot escape the reality of the importance of love in our lives. Poets have written passionate sonnets about it; musicians have written great songs about it; artists have represented it on canvas; and Hallmark helps us to say it just the right way every Mother’s Day.
In the English language, there is one primary word for love. We say I love my wife, I love God, and I love ice cream.
Here are three different types of affection or love, but one word in English for all three. I love God, I love my wife and I love Lapert’s ice cream. But I express that love differently with each. If I don’t, I’m in trouble - not to mention overweight!
The language of the New Testament, Greek, is very expressive and descriptive, finding a number of meanings and nuances in its descriptions. For the Greeks, there were four different words used to express love which, broadens our understanding of what love is:
1. Eros Love. Associated with a physical or sensual type love. It is here that we get our English word “erotic.” God is the creator of this type of love. He validated its place in the lives of humans by placing an emphasis of this type of love in one of the books of the Bible - the Song of Solomon. Read it through; in some places it is enough to make you blush.
2. Storge Love. This word is associated with family ties or relationships. This is love for your brother or sister, a dad or a son. It is often referred to as a familial type love.
3. Philo Love. This word is often translated friendship love. Philadelphia, “The City of Brotherly Love,” is named for this type of love. This love is psychological and social in nature. It is used in reference to God and man.
4. Agape Love. This final word for love comes from God. In fact, the definition didn’t exist until God sent His son Jesus Christ. What Jesus Christ did on Calvary best describes agape love: “For God so loved (agaped) the world….” (John 3:16)
A pastor friend signs his correspondence, En Agape (In Love). Two English words best describe this type of love: sacrificial and unconditional.
For years in pre-marital counseling I have asked young couples to define love. They know they are in love. The problem is that they often have a hard time getting a lasso around it. They’ll give me a list of descriptive words, maybe some type of word picture. Eventually they just give up. Then I say, “For the purpose of our pre-marital counseling let me suggest this definition: Unconditional commitment to an imperfect person!”
Now, what does that mean to you? Let’s look at two elements from the definition. First, unconditional commitment. When something is unconditional, that means you are committed no matter what. It is not I love you if or I love you because.
I love you if you agree with my way.
I love you because you are attractive.
Or
I love you if you have a lot of money.
I love you because you make me feel good.
Unconditional love says, “I choose to love you. Period.” This means there is nothing that can stop me from loving you.
The second part of the definition is to an imperfect person. This is not a pipe dream. This is not Cinderella and Prince Charming. I don’t know how many young people come to me for pre-marital counseling and they just stare at each other in some type of love zone. “I’m in love, Pastor.”
I have an urge to take them home some Thursday morning, sit them down in the living room and let them see what really goes on inside a marriage. You get up a half dozen times during the night with sick kids; you sneak downstairs to enjoy your Bible study and prayer time and the kids have already beaten you down there and are fighting over the cereal; you run out of hot water after 20 minutes; you forgot to get milk on the way home last night; and on and on.
This doesn’t even go into things like bills to pay, a house to clean, phone calls to make for Little League, evening homework, dinner to make, kids to bathe, lunches to make. By the time I get through counseling them I whisper to the young man, “Pssst. Hey buddy do you really know what you’re doing?”
The Greatest of These is Love
Some of the grandest poetry and most profound scripture are found in the 13th chapter of First Corinthians. It consists of 13 verses, totaling 280 words in the New American Standard Bible. It is not a lengthy discourse, but it is life changing. Volumes have been written about love; yet, nothing comes close to this passage.
The context is simple: the Corinthians’ love was selfish, manipulative, and characterized by sexual deviancy. It was filled with carnality and sexual misgivings. It was a great church in Greece - large in its numbers, great location with incredible visibility. Any pastor’s dream.
When you have significant church growth in an unevangelized field, it is not surprising that a few problems surface from time to time. Paul’s long list of church problems that the Corinthians needed to give attention to included the Corinthians’ inability to “love correctly.” Chapter 13 provides us a blueprint for how to enjoy God’s love for daily living.
Paul launches immediately into a convincing argument that the “presence of love in our lives” is so critical that without love nothing we possess (tongues, prophecy or faith) or do (martyrdom or giving) is of any value. That convicts me to no end. This may seem obvious to most, but it goes without saying, nothing is more important than love. The apostle invites us to see three reasons why God’s love is necessary in the Christian life. Write down these three words: ineffective, incomplete, and insufficient. (2)
Without God’s love, your communication is ineffective. (Vs. 1)
The Corinthian congregation had a wonderful mastery of spiritual gifts in operation. Churches need a revival of the use of all the spiritual gifts. A study of the gifts reminds us that there are three categories of spiritual gifts:
· Motivational Gifts (Romans 12:6-8; 1 Peter 4:10-11; 1 Cor. 13:3)
· Manifestation Gifts (1 Cor. 12:7-11; 1 Cor. 14)
· Ministry Gifts (Ephesians 4:11-14)
From this arena, Paul cautions against the use of gifts in the church if love is not present. The most eloquent of speech and most impressive of spiritual language is just noise unless love motivates it. Crash! Tinkle!
Without God’s love, your spiritual life is incomplete. (Vs. 2)
Paul then says, “If you should possess the gift of prophecy, understand all mysteries, enjoy all the knowledge and even can move mountains with your faith you are nothing without love.”
Even if you could understand the secrets of God’s plan, discern the providence of His ways, and possess a full range of faith to accomplish the impossible it is of no value without love. The great danger in the Christian life is that our spirituality never makes it down to the practical level of where we live. Oh, we are so impressed with individuals that have impressive gifts, yet in the eyes of God what really matters is love.
Without God’s love, your sacrificial giving is inadequate. (vs. 3)
Building from the least impressive to the most impressive, Paul moves to the examples of martyrdom and sacrifice. In the 16th century, Anabaptists were willing to be martyred for baptism by immersion versus baptism by sprinkling. If you have not love, “you gain nothing.”
Dietrict Bonheiffer, a German theologian and pastor, taught at Union Seminary. He decided to return to Germany and stand for Christ during Hitler’s Third Reich. Bonheiffer was martyred just before the close of World War II, but if he had not love, “he gained nothing.”
Mark and Huldah Buntain left the lap of luxury in America to spend their lives amidst the slums and disease of India. It was here that they built an outreach to the poor and outcast and established a large inner-city church, a nationally recognized hospital and school, daily feeding programs, and led thousands to Christ…but if they did it apart from love, “you gain nothing.”
Paul makes it clear - one must have more than spiritual gifts and the sacrifice of martyrdom if one wants to please God and have lasting effects. In each of the first three verses Paul describes the results of this type of living, by associating the consequences with the following benefits:
· Vs. 1-“I have become”…your life is distorted
· Vs. 2-“I am nothing”…you walk away with no value
· Vs. 3-“I gain nothing”…you have just gambled on actions without love and come up empty.
What Does True Love Look Like?
In verses 4 - 7 of chapter 13 Paul describes a sure-fire recipe for love. That is, if measured out correctly and mixed thoroughly, one will guarantee a Betty Crocker winner every time:
First, the positive - Love is patient and kind.
Second, the negative - Before we can build, we have to blast away the erroneous conceptions of what love is not. Paul reminds us of eight attitudes of distorted love. Remember that attitudes determine actions. What gets in your attitudes comes out in your action.
1. Love is not jealous. (Vs. 4)
The meaning of jealous in Greek is seethe or boil. This is so opposite of God’s love. Jealousy robs you of blessing others. It is one of those naval gazing destructive patterns that turn you into a small-minded person with selfish needs.
2. Love does not brag. (Vs. 4)
This word is applied to the phrase, “you old wind-bag.” Love has no interest in promoting its own abilities. Paul said, “If I will boast, let me boast in the Lord.”
3. Love is not puffed up with pride or arrogance. (Vs. 4)
This type of love does not have an inflated view of one’s achievements and abilities. Proverbs reminds us, “Let another praise you not your own mouth.” (Proverbs 27:2)
Let’s employ what Bill Gothard has been teaching for years - learn how to defer praise. When someone praises you, say… “It is because of Christ, my family, or a good mentor.”
4. Love does not display rudeness. (Vs. 5)
We all have met people with little or no tact. They are insensitive to the outcome of their words or actions as they affect others. The word used here is schematic. It means to take shape of something. The word has to do with “tact” or “etiquette.”
5. Love does not seek its own. (Vs. 5)
The root idea is “selfishness.” The universe collapses quickly when all there is, is so closely applied to us. The opposite is “unselfishness.” When you’re tired and you go the extra mile for your spouse or child.
6. Love is not easily provoked. (Vs. 6)
Those who model this type of love are not easily offended. They have a large spirit; the word is magnanimous. Proverbs helps us with this in 19:11; “It is the glory of man to overlook an offense.”
7. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. (Vs. 6)
All of us are inflicted with the same disease - we have the potential to hurt others. It is much easier to remember and harbor than to forgive and forget. Have you ever noticed that when this happens, the person becomes the sum of the offense? They are no longer a person with value and worth, they are now a betrayer or deceiver. When hurt takes place in a marriage it raises an invisible barrier. The more unresolved hurt there is, the thicker the barrier becomes. The number one reason that marriages fail is unresolved conflict. Ask God to help you forgive and love unconditionally.
8. Love is not glad when wrong prevails, but delights in the truth. (Vs. 6)
The last quality of God’s love is the sorrow and sadness associated with hearing of the defeats and heartaches of others. I believe there are two temptations that are common to all of us in this area.
First, when the other person’s failures and missteps make you look good.
Second, when you have been hurt by your competition and something unfortunate destroys them. God’s love is free of that type of satisfaction. In fact, God’s love grieves over these types of losses.
What Does True Love Look Like?
1. True love is committed to the total person.
True love is commitment to the total person that is being loved. Do you realize that you are falling in love with a person and not just a body? This is not to say that the body is not important; it just isn’t the major cause of attraction.
2. True love not only includes pleasure, but also reverence and respect.
Never forget this principle — the greater the respect, the greater the potential for intimacy.
Your primary goal in life is the complete satisfaction of your spouse. If you both approach your marriage with that goal, you can’t miss. If you come in to satisfy yourself, and he or she comes in to satisfy self, then the results will be unhealthy.
3. True love is built on a foundation of giving.
You don’t love to exploit, you love to enrich. You want to devote your whole self to this other person. And you give yourself with no strings attached. If the relationship becomes self-centered it isn’t love. It is love of self. Many are not in love; they are in love with themselves. To be in love is to take yourself completely outside of yourself.
That’s the theological side. How do we make this thing practical? How do we apply it to our lives? That is the goal of scripture - life change. With transformation in mind, let me suggest these practical sides to love. Use them and enjoy satisfaction that will last.
1. True love embraces responsibility as well as accepts joy.
Some relationships never mature at this level. You see, we live in a culture that asks one question: “What am I getting out of this deal?”
2. True love is marked by pain in separation and joy in reunion.
True love attracts like a magnet. My greatest claim to fame is my wife. There is not a person who is normal that doesn’t grow weary of the average individual. You know what I am talking about. Some times you just want to say to someone, “Hey buddy, we have spent so much time together, let’s just take a break from each other.” But you never grow weary of the person of this person because, if you are getting to know them intimately, new areas of exploration are being discovered on a regular basis.
If you can be away from this person you love for any length of time and not feel any separation anxiety, then you have a questionable attitude with respect to the relationship. In fact, absence tends to mature the relationship.
3. True love experiences mutual enjoyment without smothering.
If you cannot be together without always clinging, touching, and embracing then you lack the adequate resources to make this relationship work. To take something that is only a part and make it the whole is to create a freak. Many are trying to get marriage to do what it was never intended to do.
Studies show that if a person is overly expressive in courtship before marriage, the inverse effect happens after marriage. The affection dries up. They have a severe case of under expression. The whole problem of frigidity is transference of guilty feelings from before marriage to after. You see, frigidity is not so much physical as it is psychological. Whenever I see a Christian couple that is hanging all over each other, constantly touching, then I have serious doubts as to how this thing will develop.
Friend, life’s greatest joy is love. There is nothing more important in life than learning how to love. Few things will make you more like Christ than loving God’s way. Talking about it is easy; pulling it off is a different challenge. What is the best use of your life? Love.
*NLT- This is the New Living Translation. Tyndale Publishing, Wheaton Ill. 1996
Endnotes
1. Laura Schlessinger. The Ten Commandments: The Significance of God’s Laws in Everyday Life, New York: HarperCollins, 1998, pg. 234.
2. David L. Hocking. Pursue Love. Sounds of Grace Publishers, Long Beach, California, 1980, pg. 25.
