Ephesians 5: 21-33 Pentecost 14 – B
Rev. Charles F. Degner September 14, 2003
Series on Luther’s Table of Duties. "It Takes Two...
To Make a State: Governed and Governor
To Make A Marriage: Husband and Wife
To Raise a Child: Parent and Child
To Make a Sermon: Pastor and Member
To Go To Work: Employer and Employee
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
This portion of Scripture is not very politically correct. We live in an age when brides do not want the words “submit” or “obey” in the wedding vows. Isn’t she the equal of her husband? Why should SHE have to submit to HIM? Today, saying that a wife should submit to her husband is almost a hanging offense!
Well, in the first place, the very first words of our text say that we ought to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. In the relationship to each other as husband and wife, both the man and the woman are to submit to each other. Only, the way in which a husband submits to his wife, and the way in which the wife submits to her husband are two different thing. Our text teaches us what is required of the husband, and what is required of the wife. It shows us that …
IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A MARRIAGE – HUSBAND AND WIFE.
I. It takes two …
Paul sums up this relationship between husband and wife in the last verse. “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” It may seem strange, but the Bible never tells a woman to love her husband! In Titus 2: 2 Paul commands Timothy to tell the younger women to love their husbands. Only the word is not that strong god-like love (agape) that Paul uses when he tells husbands to love their wives. It’s more like “being a good friend to” kind of love. A wife, then, submits to her husband when she respects him and acknowledges him as her God-given head. A husband submits to his wife when he loves her with such intensity that Paul compares that love to the love that Jesus has for us and which caused him to die on the cross for our sins. A pastor I know describes the difference in this way. The wife should be willing to live for her husband, and the husband should be willing to die for his wife.
There is another verse in the Bible which gives us a clue as to this unique relationship between a husband and wife. Peter wrote this: 1PE 3:7 “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” Paul told wives to respect their husbands, and here Peter tells husbands to treat their wives with respect. Isn’t this the same thing? What the English translates as respect is two different words in the Greek. Wives should respect (phobeo) their husbands, and husbands should treat their wives with respect (time’). The word “respect” is an adequate translation for what the wife owes her husband. But it doesn’t quite hit the mark for what the husband owes his wife.
The Greek word used for the husband has another meaning. It can also mean value or price. If a man lets his teenage son drive his fully restored 1965 Corvette convertible, with its 327 h.p. engine, he might say to his son, “Son, I want you to treat his car with respect. Don’t squeal the tires. Don’t park next to other cars. Don’t …” When something is really valuable, we treat it with special care. We treat it with respect.
Husbands, look at it this way. Imagine that this vase that I am holding in my hand is a 1,000 year old Ming dynasty vase. It is an art treasure that is one of a kind, worth at least five million dollars. It is fragile and will break with even a little bump. What if I told you that I was going to give you this vase and let you keep it for me? Only, you can’t lock it away in some closet. I want you to carry this vase around with you all the time. How would that change your life? You couldn’t go golfing or change the oil on your car – lest you damage this treasure. If you work construction, you better think about some other employment. No more softball or basketball for you. Your whole life would change. Your whole life would revolve around this 5 million dollar treasure that you are holding in your hands.
Husbands, God gave you a tremendous treasure when he gave you your wife. PR 31:10 “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Only God himself can occupy a greater place in your heart than your wife. She is more important than your job, your hunting, your softball, your friends. It doesn’t mean that you can’t hunt or fish or play ball once in a while. But none of these activities can take priority over your wife’s well being. With every decision you make in your life, you will ask yourself first, “How does this affect my wife?” Before you turn on that television set, or take that drink, or buy a new toy for the garage, you should ask, “How will this affect my wife?” And if you don’t know, you better ask!
Paul said it this way. ‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- for we are members of his body.” Wow, that’s a tall order! “As Christ loved the church and gave himself for her!” And you know how he loved us. Even when we weren’t very agreeable. Even when we were down right nasty. Even when we were still sinners, Christ died for us! Husbands, do you love your wives that much? That’s what it means for a husband to submit himself to his wife.
And what does it mean for the wife to submit to her husband? If I take my five million dollar ming dynasty vase and put it in your hands for safe keeping, it must mean that I trust you very much, that I respect you highly. This is what I believe it means for a wife to submit to her husband. It’s when a wife says in her heart, “Dear, I am going to let you hold me. It’s a scary thing for me to do this, because I don’t want to let go of the reins of my heart. But I’m going to let you be the leader in our family. I’m going to trust that you won’t make any decision without thinking of me and talking to me and letting us agree together. I’m going to trust that you won’t be selfish, and that you won’t use your power to hurt me in any way.” But if you husband isn’t the most spiritual man in the world, or the most caring, that’s hard to do, isn’t it? So sometimes you just took hold and took charge and took over – because you didn’t give your husband the respect that you owe him.
Only God didn’t say, “Wives, respect your husband when they are respectable.” God didn’t say, “Love your wives when they are loveable.” Husbands, God didn’t give you a flawless vase to hold, only a precious one. And wives, God didn’t give you a husband with clean hands to hold you, but they are hands nevertheless. And a good marriage doesn’t happen when we wait for the other person to do his part, or her part. It takes two, doesn’t it?
I don’t know about you, and I cannot speak for my wife, but I think that I sin against my wife more often every day than any other person on the face of this earth. She’s the person I interact with the most, and so it is easy for my sinful flesh to get in between us. If she hasn’t given me enough attention, I get crabby and ornery. If she spends more time with the children than with me, I get jealous. I should join her at the sink more often and help with dishes, but it’s easier to catch a nap or watch the news. I jump on something she says instead of taking her words and actions in the kindest possible way. I love her dearly with my heart, but I don’t show it with my mouth and hands. In my thoughts, I think about things that she could be doing better to make me happy, when instead my thoughts should dwell on what I could do to make her happy.
I think it is for this reason that Paul inserts this wonderful good news of the gospel in this section for husbands and wives. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Aren’t these the most wonderful words in the world to hear? Jesus is the bridegroom, and we are his bride. He loved us with a love that was willing to die for us. He died to make us holy and pure and clean. When we were baptized, he gave us his robes of righteousness to wear so that we are fit to be his bride! Even though we are flawed in every way, sinful in our thoughts and words and actions, yet we are at the same time a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or blemish. When you read these words, you just know you’re going to go to heaven!
And it is just this that makes a Christian marriage better than just a good marriage. Even two atheists can have a good marriage. But will they ever know the joy of sharing Christ in their lives? Will they ever have such love for each other and be so committed to each other as those who know Jesus? It takes two to make a marriage, but it is better if there is three, when that third partner in a marriage is Jesus!
II. but three is better!
What does it mean when Christ stands with husband and wife in a marriage? For the wife, it means that she has a reason to respect her husband and entrust herself into his hands even when her husband may not deserve that trust and respect. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” I think it would be hard for me to be a woman and a wife and read these words. How do you find it in yourself to respect your husband when he doesn’t deserve it? How do you find it in yourself to entrust yourself into his hands, when he hasn’t always proven himself to be trustworthy? The answer is that you do it “as to the Lord.” You do it because you know that this is how you can serve your Savior best. You do it because you know that your Savior will stand by you and support you and give you strength each day. And if your husband fails you, or disappoints you, you will forgive him for Jesus’ sake. You will respect him still, for Jesus’ sake.
And what of the husband? His charge is greater still. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Men, this is a tall order. These are big shoes to fill – giant shoes to fill! It means that you will take this treasure that God has given you and make her the center of your attention. You will love her and care for her as your own body. You will love her with a Christ – like love. That means when she’s crabby, you will be gentle. When she doesn’t pay you attention, you will give her yours. When she isn’t very loveable [and, excuse me, ladies, but that does happen sometimes], you will love her with word and action so that she feels loved. You will do this, not for your own sake, and not even for her sake. You will do this because you are a man of God, a man redeemed by Christ, and man who has experience from Jesus the kind of love that your wife deserves and yearns for.
For most marriages, it only takes two, a husband and a wife. But for a Christian marriage, it takes three. It takes a husband, and a wife, and it takes Jesus. Who else can forgive all wrongs we do to each other every day? Who else can give us the strength to forgive each other, as he has forgiven us? Who else can put respect in the heart of woman, so that she submits to her husband, as the church submits to Christ? Who else can put love in a man’s heart and on his mind and in his actions than Jesus, who loved us and gave himself for us and made us holy and radiant without wrinkle or blemish?
It takes two to make a marriage. But three are better, when that third person is Jesus. May God bless our congregation with loving husbands and trusting wives who keep Jesus close to their hearts. Amen.
