THE EMOTION QUOTIENT – PART THREE
“Good Grief”
Psalm 30 - ©Larry L. Thompson (2003)
“I will exalt you, O Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. [2] O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. [3] O Lord, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit. [4] Sing to the Lord, you saints of his; praise his holy name. [5] For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. [6] When I felt secure, I said, "I will never be shaken." [7] O Lord, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed. [8] To you, O Lord, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy: [9] "What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness? [10] Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help." [11] You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, [12] that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.”
Introduction:
I do not believe in accidents when it relates to the things of God and His activity in our life. I had determined to use August as a time when I would preach this series, “THE EMOTION QUOTIENT.” I had also mapped out the four emotions that I wanted to deal with from a biblical perspective. I went so far as to put them into my schedule by date as to which sermon I would preach on the four Sundays in this month. All of this was done several months ago prior to my father’s death. As a matter of record, I was schedule to be out this Sunday on vacation with my family and I had already asked Pastor John to make sure we were covered for this Sunday. Three weeks ago we buried my father after a long battle with Alzheimer’s disease. I had prayed for many months asking the Lord to take Dad home and end his suffering. I have ministered to hundreds of families who have lost loved ones and encouraged them in the word. However, never having a parent die I can honestly say that I was not prepared for the void that filled my heart and the grief that I have been forced to face in the death of my dad.
As I looked at this sermon schedule I felt the leadership of God’s Spirit to delay my vacation in order to preach this message. I tell you today that this sermon is really not so much for you, but it is for me. I don’t mind if you listen in and if the Lord uses it to minister to you then to Him be glory. (Prayer)
Bum Phillips, former coach of the Houston Oilers and Tennessee Titans once made the comment, “There are two types of coaches in the NFL: them that have been fired, and them that are gonna be fired.”
His statement applies to our discussion of dealing with today’s EMOTION QUOTIENT topic, the study of GRIEF. There are two types of people in the world; those who grieve and those who will grieve. We can’t escape it. Neither can we avoid it. At some time or another, we’ll all face a situation—either by the circumstances of life, or by the death of those we love, or by friends or by people we trust, or by a drastic change in our environment, or even by own stupidity. It’s a fact that there will be times in our life when we hurt and grieve. Just because you make a commitment to follow Christ, you don’t receive an exemption from grief. However, our grief doesn’t have to destroy us; Christ offers us hope in dealing with our grief, as a matter of truth, only Jesus can take our hurt and turn it into GOOD GRIEF.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first identified Five Stages of Grief experienced by people going through a significant period of loss. These stages are described as: DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, AND ACCEPTANCE. While I am thankful for the psychological breakdown and definition from the medical perspective I also realize that many times Christians delay their healing by neglecting what God’s word has directed as a biblical process as is beautifully illustrated in David’s Psalm in chapter 30.
In Psalm 30, God teaches us how He wants us to handle the grief and pain in our life. When you are dealing with the emotion of grief there are three biblical principles we must keep in mind. Let’s take a look at each one.
First of all, in order to experience GOOD GRIEF we must…
I. LISTEN FOR THE TRUTH OF GOD
When we are grieving, there are certain lies we tell ourselves or perhaps we are told by others that simply are not true. How does this deception express itself?
• “THIS COULD NEVER HAPPEN TO ME.”
How many times have you heard someone who had just experienced a tragedy say, “How could this happen? This kind of thing doesn’t happen to people like me.” The sad truth is tragedy and grief happens to everyone. We try to fool ourselves into thinking we are immune to death and disaster, but no one has the right to make that claim. The more privileged we think we are, the more difficult it is to deal with the hurts we experience in life. Listen to what King David said,
Psalm 30:6
“When I felt secure, I said, I will never be shaken.”
How many times have you felt that way? Security had made David feel invincible. He had wealth and power, and they had gone to his head. But he was soon to discover that his own self-reliance wasn’t enough to face tragedy in his life. In the very next verse he says...
Psalm 30:7
“O Lord, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed.”
David learned how quickly false security can be shattered. Another person in the Bible who learned this lesson was the Apostle Peter. At one point he told Jesus, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” Yet, within hours of making this statement, Peter denied knowing Christ when faced with fear, suffering and grief.
ILLUSTRATION: DIVORCE RECOVERY CLASSES
If we go through life thinking “it could never happen to me” we are setting ourselves up for disaster. Several years ago I was in the lobby of our church and we were offering “Christian’s Divorce Recovery Support Group Classes.” Some ladies came in and saw the poster announcing the starting of the Divorce Recovery classes and one said to the other, “The Divorced Christian, that’s a contradiction in terms, wouldn’t you say?” Her friend agreed with her and they continued on discussing how if you are a Christian you should never have to face divorce. I felt empathy for each of these women, because I realized if the husband of either one ever went off the deep end, the woman’s hurt would be compounded by her belief that in the midst of grief and personal crisis God had turned his back on her.
No matter how secure you may feel, don’t believe the lie that says “Grief can never overtake me and even if I must face grief, I will be fine because I am a Christian!”
Don’t deceive yourself. No one is exempt from the pain that grief brings to your heart. Don’t say “My marriage is immune. My kids will never rebel. My job is secure. I’m as healthy as a horse. I will never fall into sin. We’ll never have a death. I cannot be shaken.” The fact is, you can be shaken in the face grief. Don’t deceive yourself about it.
Another lie we tell ourselves is...
• "THIS WILL HAUNT ME FOREVER."
Whether the grief in our life is caused by circumstances we can’t control, or by our own sin or by the actions of others, we often tend to see ourselves as “marked.” People who have been divorced sometimes think, "I cannot be in a loving relationship now." People who have been fired think, "No company would hire me now." Women who have been raped think, "No one will want me now." People who have serious health problems think, "There’s no contribution that I could possibly make now." People who have failed morally think, "God could never love me now...or use me now." People who have been hurt sometimes think, "I can never be happy again." Those who have loved ones die sometimes feel, “I will never again be able to feel the joy that I knew when they were alive.” These statements simply are not true.
If you’re grieving right now I want you to know that you will not grieve forever. That is God’s promise. Take a look at the next verse...
Psalm 30:5
“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. The hurt you are feeling will not last forever. It may hurt now, but God promises that you will experience again a time of rejoicing. Some of you may say, “Wait a minute. The grief in my life have been caused by own sin. I have made a wreck of things and it’s my fault. God has every right to be mad at me.” That may be true, and if it is, this verse was written especially for you. It says...
“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime.”
Does God get angry at our sin? Yes, he does, because sin is foolish. Does God hold it against us forever? No, he doesn’t, because he forgives us. And when he forgives, He forgets. That’s his promise.
If you are grieving right now don’t lie to yourself about your situation. The grief will NOT last forever. God will restore you and fill your life with joy. But, in order for Him to do this, there is an application we must understand in the scripture.
II. LEARN HOW TO TRANSFER TO GOD
What is the transfer? It is what I call the turning point. It is turning away from self-reliance and turning to God as your source of strength. The turning point is transferring your faith and trust from yourself in dealing with your grief to the Lord. David’s transfer was obvious in Psalm 30:8:
“To you, O Lord, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy.”
God does not want you to try to handle your grief on your own; He wants you to turn to Him. If you are facing problems in your marriage, He doesn’t want you to try to fix things on your own; He wants you to turn to him. God is offering His hand of mercy. He is offering relief from the pain and grief in your life. He is offering to help you with the pain and fill your life joy. But before He can do anything, you must reach a turning point in your life, a point where you turn away from self-reliance and learn to transfer your trust to Him. It’s as simple as saying, “Lord, I can’t handle this on my own. I need your help.”
This is what David said to God...
Psalm 30:10
“Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help.”
Many times God will use others in your life to help you in the midst of your grieving.
Here is some advice for getting through times of grief when you trusting God:
• Spend time with other people. Coping with grief is easier others support you.
• Talk about how you are feeling. Be willing to listen to others.
• Get back to your everyday routines. Familiar habits can be very comforting.
• Take time to grieve and cry.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for support and help from your family and friends.
• Eat healthy food and take time to exercise and relax and plenty of sleep.
• Invest in others. Volunteer at church, help a neighbor, donate time, etc.
• Stay away from the stressful situations. Turn off the TV news reports and distract yourself by doing something you enjoy.
God wants to heal the hurts in your life. In order for him to do that, you must first reach a turning point. This takes you to the next step in the process of healing.
Once you have reached a turning point...
III. LOOK FOR THE TOUCH OF GOD
I have good news for you: If in your grief you feel you have reached rock bottom in your life, He can turn your life around with His touch. I have even better news for you: You don’t have to wait until you reach rock bottom. At whatever stage in the process of your grief you are willing to turn to God, He will hear your prayer and His gentle touch will begin the process of healing in your life. David said...
Psalm 30:2
“O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.”
This is the formula for handling the grief from life’s hurts: When you take your pain to God and transfer your trust to Him, He begins to turn your mourning into joy by the loving leadership of His gentle touch. You can count on it. Listen to what David says...
Psalm 30:1-3
“I will exalt you, O Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. [2] O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. [3] O Lord, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit.”
Then David goes on to say...
Psalm 30:11
“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.”
Right now you may still be in the "wailing" stage of your grief, but once you turn your situation over to God, you may as well put on your dancing shoes, because he has promised to give you something to dance about. He has promised to take away your sackcloth--the clothes they used to wear during a time of mourning--and will clothe you with joy. Expect it to happen.
Speak about some of dad’s funniest sayings…Now, there are some hurts in your life that have been the cause of grief that you will never laugh about. You’ll never look back at a divorce and laugh, or look back at a tragic death of a loved one and laugh, or look back at being abused and laugh. There’s nothing funny about any of those things. But I want you to understand that the hurt you experience from your grief today will not prevent you from laughing tomorrow. God will take the pain and anger and frustration you’re going through now, and replace it with his joy. He will give you something to dance about. And, in a sense, you will be able to look back and laugh—because the hurt no longer hurts. The setback that produced the grief in your life could have destroyed you but the grief has been overcome by God’s mercy, and he has filled your life with joy.
CONCLUSION
Do you know what the end result of this study is? David says...
Psalm 30:11-12
“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, [12] that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.”
God wants us to:
• LISTEN FOR THE TRUTH OF GOD
• LEARN HOW TO TRANSFER TO GOD
• LOOK FOR THE TOUCH OF GOD
Illustration of Horatio C. Spafford
Few stories of someone’s grief are as touching as the one John shared with us last week prior to our Worship Team sharing their special music. It was the story of Horatio C. Spafford, who lived from 1828-1888.
Spafford had known peaceful and happy days as a successful attorney in Chicago. He was the father of four daughters, an active member of the Presbyterian Church, and a loyal friend and supporter of the evangelical leader of this day, D. L. Moody. The great Chicago fire of 1871 wiped out the family’s extensive real estate investments. When D.L. Moody, left for Great Britain for an evangelistic campaign, Spafford decided to lift the spirits of his family by taking them on a vacation to Europe to assist Moody in the meetings.
In November, 1873, Spafford was detained by urgent business, but he sent his wife and four daughters as scheduled, planning to join them soon. Halfway across the Atlantic, the ship was struck by another vessel and sank in 12 minutes. All four of Spafford’s daughters were among the 226 who drowned. Mrs. Spafford was miraculously saved. Horatio Spafford boarded a ship carrying him to rejoin his grieving wife in Wales. When the ship passed the approximate place where his precious daughters had drowned, Spafford received sustaining comfort from God that enabled him to write:
“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll-Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well with my soul.
Tho Satan should buffet, tho trials should come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ hath regarded my helpless estate and shed His own blood for my soul.
And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll: The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend, "Even so" it is well with my soul.”
If your heart has been silenced by grief God wants to give you something to sing about.
David ends the psalm by saying...
Psalm 30:12
“That my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.”
Today, as you look at the pain in your life that is result of grief, realize there is only one way you can overcome that hurt. Whether you have been a Christian for thirty years or whether you have just begun to follow Christ, the prescription is the same: Take your grief to the Lord. Transfer your trust to Him, and allow Christ to turn your sorrow into joy.
