Sticks and Stones
How to Build Somebody Up
8/6/03
I. Introduction
When Cheryl Prewitt was four years old, she hung around her father’s small country grocery store. Almost daily, the milkman would come into the store and greet her with the words, “How’s my little Miss America?” At first she giggled, but eventually she became comfortable with it…and even liked it a little. Soon the milkman’s greeting became a childhood fantasy…then a teenage dream. Finally, it became a goal…and in 1980, she stood on a stage in Atlantic City and was crowned…Miss America.
Tonight we’re talking about Sticks and Stones: How to Build Somebody Up. Have you ever heard the phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”? Well, you can say that all you want, but the truth is that life and death is in the power of your tongue, in the words of your mouth. We can go on and on about the power of your words and how you have what you say, and you need to call it like you want it, but tonight we’re going to talk about our words in the context of how we talk to other people. And in that context, you choose whether you want those words to build somebody up or tear somebody down.
II. Build Me Up Buttercup
Play clip from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. (26:00 – 28:15)
King Arthur and his knights approach a castle and ask for information about the Holy Grail. The guard starts calling them all sorts of silly names and refuses to let them in.
Have you ever insulted someone before? What happened?
Have you ever been insulted? How did it make you feel?
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (MSG) “11So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you’re already doing this; just keep on doing it.”
Why is it so hard to speak only encouraging words?
How does encouragement affect other people?
What are some practical ways you can learn restraint when you’re tempted to say rude or mean things?
What will you have to do to change your put-downs into words of encouragement?
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) “29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
A lot of us have been letting unwholesome talk come out of our mouths. Nobody likes to be called a name. Nobody likes to be discouraged. That’s why the Bible makes it plain that you should only speak encouraging words, words that build others up according to their needs, for their benefit. When you put somebody down, for whatever reason, you’re not benefiting anybody. But when you say something nice to somebody and see his/her face light up, now that’s a benefit not only to the person who received the compliment, but also to anybody that hears you say it.
Robert Schuller tells a story about a banker who always tossed a coin in the cup of a legless beggar who sat on the street outside the bank. But, unlike most people, the banker would always insist on getting one of the pencils the man had beside him. "You are a merchant," the banker would say, "and I always expect to receive good value from merchants I do business with." One day the legless man was not on the sidewalk. Time passed and the banker forgot about him, until he walked into a public building and there in the concessions stand sat the former beggar. He was obviously the owner of his own small business now. "I have always hoped you might come by someday," the man said. “You are largely responsible for me being here. You kept telling me that I was a ’merchant’. I started thinking of myself that way, instead of a beggar receiving gifts. I started selling pencils -- lots of them. You gave me self-respect, and caused me to look at myself differently.”
Don’t you want to have a beneficial impact on someone’s life? Don’t you want to be the one to build people up so much that they start believing in themselves and accomplish their dreams? Don’t you want people to build you up?
III. Just Kidding
You know, we’re talking about how to build somebody up, and you can learn a lot about how to do something by seeing how NOT to do it. You obviously know by now that calling people names isn’t building them up, but did you know that jokingly calling people names or cutting them down isn’t building them up. You can say, “Well, I know I called him a poopyhead, but he knows I was just kidding.” Whether he knows you were kidding or not makes no difference. The bottom line is it’s not encouraging and it didn’t build him up.
Ephesians 5:3-4 (NIV) “3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.”
Obscenity, foolish talk and coarse joking are out of place and are definitely not the type of things Christians should be doing.
Proverbs 26:18-19 “18Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows 19is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking!’”
It’s very dangerous to lie to someone, call someone a name, or do anything deceptive to him/her and then say, “I was just kidding.”
The proverb says that if you do that, you’re like a madman shooting deadly arrows. Picture that. A crazed killer has his arrow drawn back, releases the string on his bow by saying, “You’re such a fat cow.” The “fat cow” arrow flies through the air and pierces the victim right in the heart, causing enormous pain and suffering. The madman then walks over to the victim and pulls out the arrow by saying, “I was just kidding,” but the wound is open, the heart has been punctured, and the very life of the victim spills out onto the ground. The deadly arrow has done its job stealing the victim’s every breath. And by the time the madman covers it up with “I was only joking,” the damage has already been done.
I’ve been a madman before. Certainly, you have, too. But it’s time to stop. Everybody say ‘Stop the Madness.’ It’s time to keep our arrows to ourselves. It’s time to give the gift of encouragement, rather than stealing someone’s life with hurtful words.
IV. Give it Away Now
Proverbs 12:25 “25 An anxious heart weighs a man down,
but a kind word cheers him up.”
In a sermon entitled The Gift of Encouragement, Michael Gibney recounts this story by Alfred Kolatch in Guideposts, August 1974:
When I decided to meet Babe Ruth and obtain an autograph from him, I couldn’t have selected a more inappropriate time.
It was a balmy evening in May 1935. Earlier that day, the great home-run slugger had struck out three times while playing for the Boston Braves against the Pittsburgh Pirates. The fans had booed him unmercifully. As I was to learn, he was feeling pretty low.
I went to the Babe’s hotel in Pittsburgh that night and phoned him from the lobby.
"I collect autographs," I told him.
"Are you sure you want my autograph after I made such a butt of myself today?" he grunted. I assured him I most definitely did. So the Babe gave me his room number and invited me up. He told me the door was open and I was just to walk in.
When I entered the room I was saddened to see the "king of swat" wearing an old blue robe, lying on the davenport, the picture of dejection. He was then 40 years old, and his career was just about over.
He signed his autograph beneath his picture in my book, then looked up and said, "I feel terrible. Not only did the fans boo me, but some idiot spat on me. I guess the cheap blankety-blank was mad because he paid to see me hit a home run."
I tried to console the big slugger by saying, "Forget today. Tomorrow’s another day. I have enough confidence in you to predict that tomorrow you’ll be the hero of the game."
"Do you really mean that, kid?" he said, sitting up. When I said that I did, he went on, "Well, I’ll be! I’m going to autograph this baseball, too. It was used in batting practice."
I went home that evening thinking about the Babe and hoping that my prediction would come true. The next afternoon I anxiously tuned in the game. Babe Ruth was making a comeback. He hit three home runs, his second being the only ball ever hit over the right field grandstand at Forbes’ Field. He was the hero once again.
Those three homers (numbers 712, 713, and 714) turned out to be the last in Babe Ruth’s illustrious career. He retired from baseball just eight days later.
That’s how you build somebody up. A kind word goes a long way.
V. Never Speaking Again?
John Mayer sings a song called “My Stupid Mouth.” The song goes a little something like this:
My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see
She was offended
She said "well anyway..."
Just dying for a subject change
Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what’s a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon
I’m never speaking up again It only hurts me
I’d rather be a mystery Than she desert me
Oh I’m never speaking up again
Starting now
Is that the answer? I’m never speaking up again? Mama may have said, “think before speaking,” and she may have also said, “if you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all.” Well, maybe that’s the answer. Speak only good things about other people. Speak only good things to other people. And if you can’t say anything good about somebody, it truly is better to not say anything at all.
Let’s pray.
