Reconciling Relationships
Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
Stir = with a view to incitement, irritate, spur e.g. irritate and provoke for love and good works
1 Corinthians 12:25 that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another
Schism = a split or gap, division, rent
Relationships exist in three main areas
1. Family Those family reunions were a place where you were supposed to learn how to get along with one another
2. Marriage In this relationship God teaches us to die to self and live for someone else
3. Church To learn about relationships – being part of a body – appreciating one another
Relationships exist at three levels
1. Fellowship - daily
2. Partnership – connected by some thing
3. Friendships - acquaintances – core - intimate
The biggest attack by the Devil is against these three areas because the Devil knows that if we can ever work this out – watch out!
Only 1 out of 7 Christians are in any relationship where there is accountability where someone can look you in the eye and speak into your life
Acts 2:42-47 And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Then fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need. So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.
Coming together for Doctrine – Fellowship – Communion/ Covenant (Breaking bread was a time of blessing) – Prayer, this is God’s desire and plan for believers
What keeps us from intimacy with other believers?
• There is a social trend of isolationism and disengagement
Home – work – home – drive through – home delivery – internet – dating online – self fulfillment
• The fear of becoming vulnerable – the original sin factor
• Offences - Matthew 18:7 “Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!
Skandalon = trap-stick (bent sapling), i.e. snare, occasion to fall (of stumbling), offence, thing that offends, stumbling block.
Wholeness comes from whole relationship
Benefits to Proper Relationship
1. They defeat the Devil
John 8:12 Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”
1 John 2:11 But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.
Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Darkness = means misery – the reason why most of us are miserable is because we have broken relationships – Is it possible for believers to walk in darkness? Yes if we believe this scripture!
Acts 3:21 God is a God of Restoration. The Bible is a book about restoration. From beginning to end we see God moving touching and restoring those things that have been lost particularly man.
The Bible opens with the account of a Creator God who is brooding over the loss of a perfect state. He is concerned, the Holy Spirit moves, God is near ready to accomplish His work. He does and we see the account of His work in Genesis Chapter 1. Genesis meaning beginnings it is the seed plot of the whole Bible. It shows us the seed from which all things grow.
DAY ONE LIGHT AND DARKNESS - John 1:5 “the light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it”. Two conflicting powers are striving to control the day, causing a continually shifting but ceaseless battlefield.
LIGHT DARKNESS
Day Night
“movement” a motion “deviation” to wind or turn
to illuminate to hide from view
to reveal to conceal
John 12:35-36 Then Jesus said to them, “A little while longer the light is with you. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you; he who walks in darkness does not know where he is going. “While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light.” These things Jesus spoke, and departed, and was hidden from them.
Ephesians 4:17-18 This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind, having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart;
Walk =to regulate ones life, to conduct ones life, to make ones way
The futility of their mind = the understanding, the reasoning, the intellect that leads to no purpose.
Alienated from the life of God = zoe, life from breath
Understanding darkened = their way of thinking is not illuminated.
Blindness of their heart = the seat of spiritual life is blunted or dulled.
John 12:46 “I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness.
1 John 1:5 This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.
Light is the perfection of conduct that results from the perfection of knowledge and motive.
When God moves He divides the Light and Darkness, spiritually this represents the revelation of God in our lives, for God is Light and in Him is no darkness. How do we know God is moving? Revelation, exposure repentance and order
2 Cor. 4:6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
1 Thessalonians 5:5 You are all sons of light and sons of the day. We are not of the night nor of darkness.
Light is the first thing bestowed, without it, we are blind and it ignorant to the hope we have in Christ. Let’s understand that the greatest thing that breaks a curse in our life is obedience! And that the only place that demonic activity can take place is in darkness – the Devil can’t abide in the light. Simply restoring and building relationships defeats the Devil in our lives.
2. They bring out God’s purposes in our lives
1 Samuel 14:6-7 Then Jonathan said to the young man who bore his armor, “Come, let us go over to the garrison of these uncircumcised; it may be that the LORD will work for us. For nothing restrains the LORD from saving by many or by few.” So his armor bearer said to him, “Do all that is in your heart. Go then; here I am with you, according to your heart.”
You need someone in your life to spur you on to great exploits – to encourage you - “Do all that is in your heart. Go then; here I am with you, according to your heart.”
3. They empower you to victory
The Philistines were defeated – because they believed God was on their side and because they did it together
Deuteronomy 32:30 How could one chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight, unless their Rock had sold them, and the LORD had surrendered them?
Ecclesiastes 4:12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”
Whenever they came together in the name of the Lord, He would be with them. And if two or three would agree together about anything it would be done for them by the Father in heaven, Binding and loosing
First then be reconciled
Matthew 5:24-25 “leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. “Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison.
– the law of the first – not second or third – priority – problem – deep emotional issues but understand one of the most important issues in life – truth from restored relationship
Proverbs 17:17, 19 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. He who loves transgression loves strife, and he who exalts his gate seeks destruction.
Proverbs 18:19 A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle.
The pattern of un-reconciled relationship = no entry – moat – gate – bars
Reconciled = The word “reconcile” means to change, to change thoroughly; to exchange; to change from enmity to friendship; to bring together, restore.
Christ brings us reconciliation. The idea is that two persons who should have been
together all along are brought together; two persons who had something between them
are restored and reunited.
Leave your gift – represents what we usually want to do first but a gift cannot satisfy like right relationships
Philippians 2:3, 4 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Reconciliation begins by:
Examining yourself
This includes not only your actions but also your attitudes, motives, acts and omissions, because it helps us to see where we need to change.
Psalm 32:3-5 When I kept silent, my bones grew old Through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was turned into the drought of summer. I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” And You forgave the iniquity of my sin.
Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.
Matthew 7:5 “Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Look for steps you personally can take
Few things in the Bible are as clear as the steps we are to follow when seeking to resolve conflict, particularly within the body of believers. Each of us is commanded to make the first move when in disagreement with another Matthew 5:24. Accordingly, if someone is angry with you, go to them immediately, even if you believe the other’s anger is unjustified. If you are angry with someone else, first ask yourself if the issue really is worth fighting about and check your attitude if an offense cannot be overlooked, go privately and express your concerns. But do not assume that the other knows or understands your feelings; Be sure to affirm the relationship and your desire to work things out lovingly before launching into a discussion of the issues – Joshua 22:10-34
Making the first move does not mean that someone else has done something wrong or bad. An otherwise innocent word or act can cause an unexpected negative reaction in another, leading to serious disagreement. One can apologize for the trouble such miscommunication has caused simply because one regrets the result. Too often, however, our own sins have played a part either in creating the conflict or in escalating it.
Call on the church for help if necessary
Private meetings are a preferable first step, so long as we can speak the truth in love (Ephes. 4:15). But if after sincere good-faith efforts to work things out you are unable to resolve the issue or mutually forgive each other (Proverbs 19:11; 1 John 3:16-20), then seek out the assistance of a few “witnesses” (Matthew 18:16). These are present not to provide evidence or accuse the parties but to act as supportive advisers to both sides and help restore peace (Phil. 4:3). This can be done informally with a respected friend or other adviser trusted by both parties or more formally with a pastor, church-appointed person.
If someone will not listen to you and the witnesses, then, as we are instructed, “tell it to the church” and allow it to decide the matter for the parties (Matthew 18:17) as a matter of church discipline. Today, as in Paul’s time, our churches (and most believers) have abdicated this authority to the legal system, yet the courts do not focus on restoration of personal relationships, only on the disposition of tangible assets and liabilities. The church should model God’s view that discipline is an act of love and shepherding (Hebrews 12:6).
