Clarity or Confusion?
3. Sexual Purity
Feb. 8, 2004
Don Jaques
MAIN IDEA: God’s plan for our lives commands sexual relations be enjoyed in the context of marriage only. This plan is for our best. This plan is difficult, but possible.
Intro: Contrast the rules of Roy Rogers’ riders rules with the teen idols of today. Quite a change.
Where 40 years ago the culture supported the idea that sex was to be reserved for marriage, today quite the opposite is the case.
ILLUS: ABC will be airing a new series called “Doing It” based on the sexual experimentation and exploits of three 16-year old boys.
There is a lot of confusion out there about sexual morality – Today I want to help answer 3 questions.
1. What does the Bible teach about sex? (who it is for and when it can be enjoyed?)
2. Why should you follow God’s plan?
3. How can you follow God’s plan?
TRANS: Let’s jump right in and see what the Bible has to say about this controversial subject.
1. The Bible teaches that sexual relations are to be enjoyed within the context of marriage only. (Deut. 5:18, Matt. 5:27-28, Heb. 13:4, 1 Thess. 4:3-7)
Matt. 5:27-28 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.“
Jesus tells us that sexual purity isn’t just about avoiding intercourse with someone who is married – it goes to the heart of our attitudes toward other people. If we look at them lustfully we have already committed an indecent act in God’s eyes.
What else does God’s word teach us about sex?
1Th. 4:3-7 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality (greek “porneia” which has a broad application to all types of sexual sin); that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.
Does this mean that all sex is condemned by God? Far from it. God created sex. He created men and women with sexual organs designed to enjoy sex. But he teaches that it is to be enjoyed only within the boundaries of a lifelong, committed marriage.
Heb. 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Many other passages could be quoted – but the clear idea of scripture is that God created sex to be enjoyed within the boundaries of marriage.
TRANS: But, the argument goes, why would God fill us with such strong desires, and raging hormones and then command us to keep ourselves sexually pure until we are married?
2. God’s plan for sex is for our benefit. (John 10:10)
The reason for any “law” like this is ultimately our good. God loves us and wants us to experience abundant life – not keep us from “the good stuff”.
John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full.”
God knows the destructive power of sexual relationships when they occur outside of the commitment of a loving marriage. What is interesting is that it is not just Bible believing Christians who understand this, but secular researchers are discovering that sex outside of marriage carries with it a large amount of baggage.
Take for example the findings of Rector, Johnson, and Noyes, at the Center for Data Analysis. I’ll read verbatim from a report dated June 3, 2003.
Sexually Active Teenagers Are More Likely to Be Depressed and to Attempt Suicide
by Robert E. Rector, Kirk A. Johnson, Ph.D., and Lauren R. Noyes
Center for Data Analysis Report #03-04
June 3, 2003
Teenage sexual activity is an issue of wide-spread national concern. Although teen sexual activity has declined in recent years, the overall rate is still high. In 1997, approximately 48 percent of American teenagers of high-school age were or had been sexually active.
The problems associated with teen sexual activity are well-known. (STD’s, teen mothers’ extremely high probability of long-term povery).
Less widely known are the psychological and emotional problems associated with teen_age sexual activity. The present study exam_ines the linkage between teenage sexual activity and emotional health. The findings show that:
When compared to teens who are not sexually active, teenage boys and girls who are sexually active are significantly less likely to be happy and more likely to feel depressed. (25% to 8% for girls, 8% to 3% for boys) For girls who were not sexually active, a full 60% said they were never or rarely depressed, contrasted with only 37% of those who were sexually active.
When compared to teens who are not sexually active, teenage boys and girls who are sexually active are significantly more likely to attempt suicide (14% to 5% for girls, 6% to 1% for boys).
Thus, in addition to its role in promoting teen pregnancy and the current epidemic of STDs, early sexual activity is a substantial factor in undermining the emotional well-being of American teenagers.
Young people – you need to hear this! Your classmates, and in particular the media portrays that sexual activity is great, fun, exciting, mature. The message our culture is pounding into your head is that waiting for sex will make you UNHAPPY. But that is exactly the opposite of what this study discovered.
I’ll say it again – God’s plan for sex being reserved for marriage is for our GOOD!
TRANS: But it’s not just teens who need to hear this message. The practice of cohabitating with a sexual partner prior to marriage also has negative long-term effects.
THE NEGATIVE RESULTS OF COHABITATION
• The risk of divorce after living together is 40 to 85% higher than the risk of divorce after not living together. In other words, those who live together before marriage are almost twice as likely to divorce than those who did not live together (Bumpass & Sweet 1995; Hall & Zhao 1995; Bracher, Santow, Morgan & Russell 1993; DeMaris & Rao 1992 and Glen 1990).
• The U.S. Justice Department found that women are 62 times more likely to be assaulted by a live-in boyfriend than by a husband (Colson 1995).
• Cohabiting women have rates of depression 3 times higher than married women.(National Institute for Mental Health).
• If a couple abstains from sex before marriage, they are 29 to 47% more likely to enjoy sex afterward than those who cohabit.
If you are a single adult who has bought into the culture’s idea that cohabitating is a good way to prepare for marriage – you’ve been lied to.
Let me say it one more time. God loves you and wants you to experience an abundant life – filled with all the best. He instructs us to save sex for marriage because he wants to save us from all the problems that sharing such an intimate relationship outside of the commitment of marriage causes.
TRANS: But let’s be honest. Staying sexually pure in today’s society is extremely difficult. Nearly everything in the media brainwashes us with the ideas that sex is just a physical act, that it can and should be enjoyed by everyone as often as possible, and that there is no reason to reserve sexual relations for your spouse.
But even with all this pressure, you’ve got to understand that…
3. Although staying pure in our society is difficult, it is possible. (Matt. 5:8, 1 Cor. 10:13)
How can we stay pure in this oversexed culture? It starts with a desire to please God and dedicating yourself to following His word and not the culture or your emotions.
But I can tell you from experience that though this is a good starting place – we’re going to need to learn how to defend ourselves from the attacks against our desire to please God that come relentlessly.
Sexual activity is like a freight train. It make take a long time to get started, but once its moving it is extremely hard to put on the brakes and stop. The key is in setting boundaries for yourself BEFORE you get in a tempting situation. As any full-blooded person can tell you – it can be very difficult to make good choices about sexual behavior in the heat of the moment. That’s why I want to help you think through a set of questions that any of us should answer BEFORE we go on a date, or even consider dating someone!
Who will I date? Who will I not date?
2Cor. 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Paul’s context was probably not a marriage relationship here, but a business contract. Don’t get stuck in a contractual relationship with someone whose way of life is so different than your own. But if that is true in business, how much more true is it in a marriage?
Missionary dating (or dating someone who is not a disciple of Jesus Christ) is a bad idea. Missionary friendships can be good – if limits are set – but missionary dating will nearly always lead to problems (either between the 2 in the relationship or between God and the one who is trying to be the “missionary”)
We tell BJ: when you get older and some boy wants to take you out he’s going to have to meet 2 conditions if he ever wants a chance at your heart: 1 – he has to love Jesus with all his heart 2 – he must treat you like a princess.
Similarly, we’re already teaching Ryan that when that day comes he needs to understand two things about a girl before he asks her out. 1- does she love Jesus with all her heart, and 2 – will she honor and respect him.
What will I wear? (ladies)
This is mostly for the women and young women out there. By “What will I wear?” I don’t mean will I wear the blue shirt or the green shirt. I mean – what principles will guide my choices of what clothes I’ll even purchase.
Let’s be honest. The trend in fashion today is for women to dress in ways that show more skin than ever before. It’s not in fashion, it seems, if the midriff is not exposed and the pants aren’t hanging lowly on the hips. And tops and dresses seem to show more and more of women’s chests and shoulders than ever.
What you’ve got to understand is that such clothes send a message. “Look at my body.” And when that message is sent to young men – guess what they are going to do? Yeah…they’ll look – and they’ll begin thinking about how they can do a lot more than look.
At the risk of sounding prudish, I want to read St Paul’s advice regarding clothing to you women:
1Tim. 2:9 I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety...
When you choose what to wear – go ahead and be fashionable – but dress modestly. If you do you’ll help keep the freight train from getting started.
TRANS: Now I’ve got a question mostly for the guys…
What will I allow my eyes to see?
It’s no secret that guys get their freight train started by what comes into their minds visually. The very existence of the pornography industry bears testimony to that. What we need to do guys, if we are striving to follow God’s laws regarding sexuality, is determine that we will not allow our eyes to take in images (whether in the media or in real life) that lead our mind to impure places.
Psa. 101:3 I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me.
Job 31:1 ¶ “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.
ILLUS: I watched nearly the entire Super Bowl last week, but didn’t see Janet Jackson exposed. Why? Because as the MTV produced show got started I did a very simple thing. I went into the kitchen and ate some chips. Why? It’s because I’ve made the decision long ago not to set before my eyes any vile thing.
Guys – One of the best way to stay sexually pure is to make the covenant with your eyes!
TRANS: The third question that everyone needs to ask themselves BEFORE they get in a sexually heated situation is this
How far is too far?
As a teenager I always wished someone could give me a quick answer to this question. “OK I know that going all the way is wrong…but what about…?”
What I discovered as I grew up was that if I wanted to make sure not to cross the line into areas that were clearly detrimental to my relationship with God, I needed to draw the line a few steps back from where I needed to stop.
ILLUS: The tile semicircle around the wood stove.
That’s why I developed a few “boundaries” in my relationship with Ann when we were dating.
Nothing good happens after 11:00 pm
Bedroom is off limits.
Each person has to take a look at whatever situations cause them to be tempted – and create a boundary that will keep them far from it.
A couple other questions, that I won’t go into detail about but that you might want to think about are as follows:
What music will I listen to?
What role will alcohol or other drugs play in my life?
The last question you need to answer ahead of time is this…
What will I do when temptation is too strong? (not if, but when)
1Cor. 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
God will always provide a way out – but it takes a lot of strength and integrity to take it!
What did Joseph do when he was tempted by Potiphar’s wife? She had grabbed him and said – “Come to bed with me!” (A fairly direct temptation!)
What did he do? He ran. He got out of that situation.
ILLUS: There were plenty of nights, especially as we neared our wedding date, that our dates came to an abrupt ending. Things started getting a little too romantic, if you know what I mean, and I learned that at those times I had to just stand up and say “Goodnight – gotta go – see you tomorrow!”
I did this because it was sincere desire to please God in our relationship. And we knew that his word said if we wanted him to bless us – the best thing was for us to abstain until we were married. And let me tell you – that is a decision we have never regretted.
Application: What change is the Holy Spirit prompting you to make? (Ps. 139:23-24)
Psa. 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Search your heart – is there anything you need to change? A current relationship? Get rid of some immodest clothing? Trash some videos or music that corrupts your thinking? Set some ground rules for future dating relationships? Find a different living situation that will encourage and promote abstinence until marriage?
Closing: Good news is that God can restore your purity through repentance.
Is. 1:18-20 “Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.
Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” My prayer for you is that you give God this area of your life, and allow Him to work in you to purify you from past sin, and to keep you Holy today and into the future.
