Introduction
I want to begin our time together today by telling you the true story of a duke who lived during the fourteenth century named Raynald III. Raynald III lived a life of indulgence and was obese. His Latin nickname was Crassus, which means, “fat.”
One day Raynald and his younger brother, Edward, got into a vicious fight and Edward planned and executed a triumphant revolt against Raynald. Edward took his older brother into custody but did not take his life. Edward decided to construct a room around Raynald in the Nieuwkerk Castle and promised his brother that he would enjoy freedom once again when he was able to leave the room.
Now for the average Joe this wouldn’t have been much of a challenge, because the room Edward built had a number of windows and a door of near-normal size. Neither the door nor the windows were locked - - they weren’t barricaded. So you’re getting the picture by now: In order to experience his freedom again Raynald needed to loose weight. But his brother Edward was no dummy, because he knew just how to keep Raynald imprisoned. Every day he would send Raynald an assortment of tasty foods. And what took place is just sad: Instead of dieting his way to freedom, Raynald grew more overweight and he stayed in that room for ten years until his brother died. But by that time his health was so awful that he kicked the bucket within a year. We can say that Raynald III was a prisoner of his own appetite for food.
So many people today are prisoners to their appetite for lust. Like good ole’ Raynald they may appear to be free, maybe even on cloud nine. They know what they like and they know how to get it. They are doing what feels good to them. But the fact is that every bite they take into the tastiness of lust only makes them more of a prisoner. When you and I indulge in a life of sin and do whatever feels good, we are anything but free. We are, according to God’s Word, slaves to sin.
During our last time together we were reminded of what true love looks like as we beheld the amazing love of God in Christ that forgives us of our deepest sins. Paul’s tells us in Ephesians 5:2 that Christ’s giving of himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God was a sacrifice that demonstrated in the fullest and most ultimate way God’s kind of love. Now Paul moves the subject of self-sacrifice to its’ very opposite, self-indulgence. From genuine love to that perversion of love which is really a false love - - lust.
And as we approach today’s passage we are reminded of a very important truth: Whatever God creates Satan will counterfeit. Where God creates true love, Satan fabricates false love. False love typifies Satan’s children, those who are of the world, just as true love typifies God’s children, those who are citizens of heaven.
In Ephesians 5:3-7, the apostle Paul is contrasting two types of love. He has already given us the specifics of true love by pointed to the sacrificial death of Jesus. Now he is going to give us the specifics of false love by pointing out the conduct and conversation that is the opposite of true love. He deals with false love in the passage before us today. Let’s look first of all at...
1. The Portrait of False Love (3-4)
A. The Conduct of False Love (v.3)
(3) But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
There is no coincidence that sexual sins tend to dominate this passage because the opposite of true love, of sacrificial love, is a self-indulgent sexuality that is nothing like God’s love. The misguided pursuit for false love leads inevitably to sexual immorality and any kind of impurity because that kind of love is selfish and destructive, a deceptive counterfeit of God’s love. It is always conditional and is always self-centered. It is not concerned about commitment but only satisfaction; it is not concerned about giving but only getting. It has no basis for permanence because its purpose is to use and to exploit rather than to serve and to help. It lasts until the one loved no longer satisfies or until he or she disappears for someone else.
Worldly love is a give-and-take type love, giving little in the expectation of getting back a lot. Jesus talked about this false love when he said in Matthew 5:46-47: If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. (NLT)
In the sexual domain there are at least six different vices we need to stay clear of . . .
* Sexual immorality – This is taken from the Greek word “porneia” from which we get the word “pornography” and it covers a wide range of sexual evils. The Bible says that we must stay away from any sexual activity outside of the permanent relationship of marriage. To live a life of “porneia” is to live a life that is out of control.
* Impurity – The original word that is used here is an even more general term than the word Paul uses for immorality. It refers to anything that is unclean and here in Ephesians 5 represents immoral thoughts, passions, ideas, fantasies and every other form of sexual corruption. When combined with Sexual immorality we get the picture of the immorality that can dominate someone’s life before Christ becomes their Lord. This is a person whose actions are controlled by their dedication to lust. And just as it was easy for the people in Asia Minor to slip back into practices that defined their life before Christ, so it is for every one of us today if we aren’t real alert and careful.
Now notice how Paul makes a distinction between two classes of sins: He’s not going to just deal with external sins of the flesh but also with general sins of attitude. He next lists for us…
* Greed – The word that Paul uses is also the word he uses for being covetous. Why would Paul use greed in the same context with sexual sins? Really, if you think about it, greed is inseparable from impurity. Every form of sexual immorality is an expression of the self-gratification and self-centeredness of greed. It is by nature contrary to love, which is self-giving. Immorality and impurity are but forms of greed in the realm of sexual sin. This is the insatiable desire to have more…even the coveting of someone else’s body…for selfish satisfaction.
Because those sins seem so attractive and promising, spouses are forsaken, children are neglected, homes are destroyed, friends are ignored as there is this all out effort to have what one wants - - what one has lusted after – all in the name of “love.”
Look at how high God’s standard is for His children. He’s not just interested in our being freed from the sins of adultery and sex before or outside of marriage. He desires that every kind of impurity, even greed be removed from our thoughts and actions.
Now, I need to remind each of here today of something so basic and yet so neglected in our thinking - - especially in the Church: sex was god’s idea. Contrary to what may be implied in movies and TV shows, sex is not a big No-No to God. God wasn’t exactly surprised that men and would want it. In fact, He invented the idea! God is pro-sex! Passionate sex was is not the world’s idea, it is God’s!
God gave man and woman the command to multiply in Genesis 9:7 and then to make sure we wouldn’t get off track he made us sexual creatures and wired us with this incredible thing called a sex drive that does just that - - it drives us toward something that is wholesome and good.
And God’s plan was that this powerful drive be acted upon within the context of marriage. One man--one woman--committed to each other for a lifetime. Together they are able to experience an intimacy that can be truly enjoyed in no other way.
But so often people confuse their God-given sex-drive with lust. John Piper defines lust this way: Lust is a sexual desire minus honor and holiness. It covets that which God says is off-limits. Friends, lust wants nothing more than to highjack God’s perfect plan for sexuality. And when God’s plan is high jacked and sex is engaged in outside of marriage, all kinds of consequences can occur.
ü Unplanned pregnancies
ü Sexually-transmitted diseases
ü Loss of innocence
ü Loss of self-respect
ü Loss of others’ respect
ü Shame
ü Loss of trust
ü Difficulty in staying faithful to your future husband or wife
Now some here today might be sitting there thinking, “Why is God’s standard so high?” What is God up to by insisting that not even a hint of lust can be found in us when he knows that we all have sex drives? You want to know why? Because God knows that lust never stays at the level of “just a hint.”
You see, when lust longs for an object or a person, at the end of the day that object or that person is not the goal. The goal of lust is the very act of desiring. So you know what that means? It means that lust can never be satisfied because as soon as the object of lust is gotten hold of it wants something more. And so lust is what gets hold of us in the end.
In the words of Josh Harris, in his wonderful book titled, “Not Even A Hint” - - “God says not even a hint because you can’t give in to lust’s demands and hope to pacify it. It always grows. And as it does, lust will rob you of your ability to enjoy true, godly pleasure. You can’t bargain with lust and come out a winner.” (Josh Harris, “Not Even A Hint” - - Multnomah Publishers, Sisters, Oregon, p.41).
Transition: So that is the conduct of false love. Now let’s examine Ephesians 5:4 and see…
B. The Conversation of False Love (v.4)
Paul says, “Not only should our lives have any hint of by sexual immorality, impurity or greed” (4) Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
Story~ One day after a church picnic, a new friend of mine in a church where we were serving as pastor asked me if I’d like to join some other couples from the church over at his house that evening for a night of games and fun. Lisa and I agreed. We were excited to get to know some of them even better than we had been able to in the year previous that we had been attending this church. We gathered that evening and began to have a wonderful time playing a game called Balderdash. The object of Balderdash is to listen to a word that is not normally familiar and then allow everyone a chance to give a definition that they think the others would believe is the true one. The winner of the game is the one who fools the most people into believing that their bogus definitions are the right ones.
However as the night progressed the language regressed. As the false definitions were read throughout the evening they became more and more inappropriate. The people that I worshipped with on a weekly basis were using language that you would not normally expect at a church gathering or from Christians in general at any time. My wife and I were really embarrassed. I later felt it necessary to approach each man in those families and process what went wrong that evening.
Paul tells us that believers must not only stay away from the practice of these sins, but also from talking about them. But what’s the big deal? Why are words so important? Words are important because thinking and talking about sexual sin creates an atmosphere in which they are tolerated and which can indirectly even encourage their practice. In the words of the Church Father, Chrysostom, “Words are roads to deed.”
* Obscenity – This word was originally used to depict something that was ugly or deformed and in classical times it referred to something that caused shame or dishonor. Here Paul is using it in connection with general obscenity. It is any talk that is degrading and disgraceful. It is related to the term in Colossians 3:8, meaning “dirty speech.”
* Foolish talk – This word comes from the Greek word, “moros” (from which we get the word, “moron”) and it means dull, silly or stupid. It is stupid talk, not because it is the talk of someone intellectually deficient but because it is the talk of someone morally deficient.
* Course joking – This word, on the other hand, refers to talk that is more pointed and determined. It carries the idea of quickly turning something that is said and done – no matter how innocent – into that which is obscene and suggestive. It is the filthy talk of a person who uses every word and circumstance to be suggestive. You’ve met people like this who are seemingly never at a loss for sexual innuendo.
All three of the terms that Paul uses here describe a dirty mind expressing itself in dirty conversation.
Now, interestingly enough, Paul says that instead of having a conduct that is sexually immoral and impure and greedy and conversation that is peppered with obscenities, foolish talk or course joking, we should rather be thankful.
"...but rather thanksgiving" –This word thanksgiving appears like an oasis in the desert of filth. Now, we might find it kind of weird that Paul would use the idea of thanksgiving at this point, but we shouldn’t. Paul’s point is that all God’s gifts, including sex, are subjects for thanksgiving, rather than for joking. To joke about them is bound to degrade them; to thank God for them is the way to preserve their worth as the blessings of a loving Creator.
Transition: Now let’s move from the portrait of false love to…
2. The Punishment For False Love (5-7)
And the first thing we notice in verse five is that…
A. Those That Practice False Love Have No Inheritance In God’s Kingdom (5)
(5) For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person--such a man is an idolater--has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Most immoral people might seem to get away with their lifestyle while on this earth (Ps. 73), but don’t forget that that they will not escape being discovered, convicted and sentenced forever. For of this you can be sure, because there is no uncertainty about it, that anyone whose life is characterized by the sins of verses 3 and 4 will have no inheritance in the kingdom of God.
We must be cautious, however, in our application of this severe statement. It should not be understood that even a single immoral thought, word or deed is enough to disqualify us from heaven; for if that were the case, not a single person here today would ever get in. No. For those who fall into such sins through weakness, but afterwards repent in shame and humility, there is forgiveness. The immoral or impure person here is the one who has given himself up without shame or sorrow to this way of life. This is one who is greedy, namely sexually greedy (4:19; 5:3). That is, as Paul adds in parenthesis, an idolater. Such people, whose lust has become an idolatrous obsession, and they have given themselves up without shame or repentance to this way of life. These people will not inherit the kingdom of Christ and of God.
Paul writes to a Church that was filled with folks who were indulging in these types of sin in 1 Cor 6:9-11, 9 Don’t you know that those who do wrong will have no share in the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, who are idol worshipers, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, 10 thieves, greedy people, drunkards, abusers, and swindlers — none of these will have a share in the Kingdom of God. (NLT)
Doesn’t this seem a bit harsh? Is Paul writing with an angry pen? No, because even in the book of 1 John we find that God’s children have God’s nature, and the habitually sinful person proves that he does not have God’s nature - - Turn over to 1 John 3:9-10
“No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother.” (I John 3:9-10)
I thought at one point that I was a Christian until I reflected honestly upon what 1 John 3:9-10 meant. I realized that I was not.
So how do I live a life of love? Titus 2:11-12 reads “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.”
The verdict of God is that, no matter what may be the claim, a life dominated by sin like this is on the road to eternal destruction. People will try to tell you that that is “old school” kind of a Puritanical misunderstanding of a loving God. But Paul warns not to listen to them. Notice Ephesians 5:5: Let no one deceive you with empty words, telling you that sin is tolerable and that God will not exclude unrepentant sinners from his kingdom. These empty words are full of error, devoid of the truth and therefore they deceive.
Transition: But what’s the big deal Mike? What is going to happen to those who live these kinds of lives? Well, not only will those that practice false love have no inheritance in God’s kingdom, but…
B. Those That Practice False Love Receive God’s Wrath (6-7)
"Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient." As I read the flow of this passage, I think that Paul is probably addressing this warning to both believers and unbelievers - - anyone who would falsely think that worldly living is no big deal and has no lasting consequences. Possibly in the churches of Asia Minor that Paul is writing there were some who didn’t take these sins seriously. There is the strong possibility, also, that there were those in these churches who were trying to convince believers that everyone has an inheritance and that there is no judgment on those who practice evil.
But don’t be deceived, friends, for God’s wrath not only will come on those who are disobedient. Notice that Paul uses the present tense here, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. I think that people whose lives are characterized by such conduct and conversation experience something of God’s wrath now. This wrath of God being poured on them is a process that will be experienced in its full expression at the end of this world as we know it.
Transition: So, (7) Therefore do not be partners with them – Because God’s wrath will overtake the unrighteous, don’t associate with them.
Now we have to be careful to understand that Paul is not prohibiting all contact or association with such people. Otherwise we could not bring them the good news or call them to walk away from their life of sin. And we would need to go out of the world altogether, which Christ has already forbidden in John 17:15 (And I think it is sad that many times we’ve treated this pagan nation as a battleground for morality, rather than a mission field of lost souls).
The Greek word here refers to participation, not just association, and the prohibition means ‘do not be partners with them’ as the NIV translates. We as followers of Christ are in a new relationship with our Lord and his people. For that reason we are not to be participants with sinners who are going in the opposite direction.
Conclusion
Some here might say, "What if it’s too late? I’ve already gone too far. My life is just filled with false love." Well, I have some good news for you: It’s never too late. Jesus told the woman caught in adultery that he did not condemn her. He told her to go and leave her life of sin (John 8:11). Confess your sin and determine that with God’s help you will follow the advice Paul gave a young man called Timothy in 2 Tim 2:22 “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust. Follow anything that makes you want to do right. Pursue faith and love and peace, and enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” (NLT)
In his book “The Great Divorce,” C.S. Lewis gives an allegorical story about a ghost of a man consumed by lust. And in this story lust is depicted as a red lizard that sits on his shoulder and whispers seductively in his ear. When the man is bothered by this lizard on his shoulder, an angel volunteers to destroy it for him. But the man is conflicted because he wants to hold on to his lust but also wants the lizard gone. What he is afraid of is that the death of his lust will be the death of him. He offers all these excuses to the angel because he wants to keep the lizard (even though he doesn’t want it).
After much discussion the man finally lets the angel kill the lizard. The angel grabs the lizard, breaks its neck and hurls it to the ground. Now that the spell of lust is broken the man who once ghostly is wonderfully remade into a real and solid person. And what’s so cool is that instead of dying, the lizard is changed into a spectacular stallion. With great tears of joy and appreciation the man gets on the horse and rides off into the heavens.
What was Lewis trying to help us imagine? Lewis is drawing us to the bond between killing our lust and finding life. We who have given into lust so much that it feels like we are going to die without it to die, it feels as if we are going to die right along with it will find that instead of destroying us, we find a new life we never imagined. Instead of giving into desires that are off limits, we begin to experience a pure desire - - a God centered desire, which is birthed in us to experience the greatest joy possible. The joy that comes from knowing that God isn’t just saving us from our sin, but that He is up to something far more profound: God is saving us for a life of love and joy and faith and peace and self-control.
I call us to that life today.
