Raising Little Rascals
Pastor Glenn Newton May 16, 2004
“COL 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
“ EPH 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord.”
“ PR 3:11 My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke,
PR 3:12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
PR 3:13 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding,”
This morning I want to encourage you as you are raising your children, as you are doing
all that you know to bring them up in the knowledge of God.... don’t give up, don’t ever
think that you can’t do it. The truth is this morning you, as the parent have more influence
over your child than anyone else in the world.....that’s a great responsiblility we need to
allow God to teach us how to handle that responsibility.
PR 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is
stupid.” King Soloman, the writer of Proverbs, and acknowledged as one of the wisest
men ever to live has some strong words for us this morning doesn’t he? Parents, we need
to be disciplined by God, and learn what it means to be a good parent, so then we can pass
this knowledge down to our kids, and we do that through training and discipline... it’s
called loving our kids.
The Apostle Paul has given us some instructions on what not to do as parents, we read in
Eph. and Colossians about the same thing, listen to his words...
“COL 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
“ EPH 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the
training and instruction of the Lord.”
That word exasperate comes from the root word in the Greek which literally means “to
make one hostile towards something”. Obviously thats not the goal of good parenting.
How we go about training and teaching our children has a profound impact on them...
How many of you here this morning would say that your parents style of discipline, their
way of raising you has impacted how you raised your kids? Anyone?
When our kids make a mistake, how do you treat that mistake? We are going to talk
about that in a few minutes... let me share a story I read...
One Saturday morning, 6 year old Brandon decided to fix his parents pancakes. He found
a big bowl and spoon, pulled the chair to the counter, opened a cabinet and pulled out the
flour, spilling it on the floor. He scooped some of the flour into a bowl with his hands,
mixed in most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on the floor
which by now he had a few tracks left by the kitten.
Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this to be something
very special for Mom and Dad, but it was going from bad to worse. He didn’t know what
to do next, whether to put it all into the oven or on the stove... and he didn’t know how
either of them worked!
Suddenly he saw his kitten licking from a bowl of mix and reached to push her away,
knocking the egg carton to the floor. Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental
mess but slipped on the eggs, getting his pj’s all white and sticky. Just then he saw Dad
standing at the door. (What would your kids think if they were caught in this situation?)
Big tears welled up in Brandon’s eyes. All he’d wanted to do was something good, but
he’d made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding was coming, maybe even a spanking.
But his Father just watched him. Then, walking over through the mess, he picked up his
crying son, hugged him and loved him, getting his own pj’s all white and sticky in the
process.
Life is full of teachable moments.... this morning I want to share with you some guidelines
on how to discipline your children... really how to shape your child’s will, so that they can
make good choices.
How many parents here this morning understand what I mean when I say that kids have a
strong will? Maybe you have been blessed with a strong willed child... let me tell you
something, you have a great treasure... it may not feel like it, but that strong willed child
could become one of our next great leaders, one of our next great Preachers, Doctor’s,
Teachers...... but the key to becoming great at anything is discipline, that will must be
shaped and molded by God, and that happens through careful discipline from Mom’s and
Dad’s.
This morning I want to share 6 keys to helping you raise your Children God’s Way.
1. “Define the Boundaries before they are Enforced.”
One of the easiest ways to exasperate your children is to not be clear on what you expect
from them, and then scold them or spank them for crossing some line that they don’t even
know where it is.
Nola and I have through trial and many errors, have narrowed down our rules for our
house to 3. We want it to be simple, we want it to be clear to the girls what we expect
from them. You want to know what the rules are?
a. Direct disobedience will not be tolerated. The kind of behavior that we are talking
about is when I ask my kids to do something... and they say NO. Direct disobedience,
where your authority as a parent is challenged... that challenge must be met if our kids are
going to learn what it means to be under authority, and if they are going to learn what it
means to obey. For us direct disobedience is an automatic spankin.. everytime.. it has to
be consistent... the kids need to know that the consequences are the same no matter how
Mom or Dad may be feeling.
b. No lying.
Lying flat out is not tolerated, my kids know if they lie to me, it will be one of the worst
things that they can do. Lying deals with Character, it deals with honesty, it deals with
integrity. The world your kids are growing up in, lying is everyday practice, but in our
homes.. it’s against the law, it’s against God’s law and we need to make sure this is
taught.
c. No backtalk.
This basically is a issue of respect and honor. Bad attitudes, mumbling under your breath
when we ask you to do something.. or just plain talking back is the 3rd and final rule. It’s
dealt with immediately. And can I tell you something, it took me a while to remember this
rule because we have hardly ever had this problem, and I know that can change, but the
girls understand what the rules are, and there not willing to pay the consequences so they
don’t break the rule.
Everything else we deal with as it comes, if it doesn’t fall under direct disobedience, lying,
or backtalk... then we handle diffrerently... not everything qualifies for a spanking... but I
encourage you... Define in your home the boundaries before they are Enforced.
One of the best things I ever heard of was having a family meeting, if your kids are old
enough, and talk about these things, and have the kids talk about what the punishment
should be for certain things, and if the parent agrees, then you make that your family
“Commandments”... Write them down and post them in your house.... here’s the
infraction.. “thou shalt not”....and then write down the agreed consequence... grounded
for a day... or whatever it is you decide on....
Remember, consistency is very important, one child phychologist says, “Perhaps the
greatest cause of an exasperated child is inconsistency -- “Do as I say, not as I do.” Our
best means of learning is by following an example. Long lectures, stern warnings,
spankings, and hours of church services will not replace what our own hypocrisy removes.
If we want our children to grow up like Christ, we must first be what what we want them
to be..”
2. When Defiantly Challenged, respond with Confident Decisiveness.
James Dobson says, “Nothing is more destructive to parental leadership than for a mother
or father to disintegrate during a struggle.” Stay strong. Your the leader.... lead your
kids.
Illustration... Karinda..... 30 minutes... I don’t even remember why she was getting a
spanking, but I remember the struggle..... I almost gave up...
Remember what we are doing is a life lesson about obedience and authority, if you won’t
teach them, who will? And at what cost will they have to learn the hard way if you won’t
teach them in the home?
3. Distinguish between willful Defiance and childish Irresponsibility.”
James Dobson, who we have followed his advice quite a bit, says, “Children should not be
spanked for behavior that is not willfully defiant. Childish Irresponsibility is very different
from willful defiance and should be handled more patiently.”
Kids attention spans are short. Kids forget. They chase butterflies during softball games,
or draw in the dirt.... Things will get spilled... our motto... It’s not a meal unless there’s a
spill. Things will get broken.... we need to understand the difference between accidents
and difiance.
4. Reassure and Teach after the confrontation is over.
After the conflict, during which the parent has demonstrated his or her right to lead, the
kids... want to be loved and reassured.” Give them a hug. Show them that you love
them... You can teach them that you are doing this not because your angry with them, but
because you love them..... By the way, don’t punish them if you are angry...
You can be mad at the behavior, not your child.... everything can be learned from.
5. Avoid Impossible Demands.
James Dobson says, “Be absolutely sure that your children are cabable of delivering what
you require.” Professor Taylor observed, “Disobedience of children can destroy the peace
of a Christian home, but on the other hand, parental insensitivity and harsness can be just
as devastating.”
With this idea comes the concept of Freedom, as kids grow older, Trust what you have
taught them... If they blow it, reassure them, and give them freedom later.
6. Let Love be your Guide.
The bottom line in parenting is love. Dobson says, “A relationship that is characterized by
geniune love and affection is likely to be a healthy one, even though some parental
mistakes and errors are going to happen.” Love your kids, Get involved with your kids,
Respect them as people.
How do I know that things are good? We can talk about anything.. Example...
Close with prayer for our families and our parents
