Summary: How do I know I have really forgiven someone?

Genesis 45:1-15; 50:15-21

76-year-old Bill Baker of London recently wed Edna Harvey. She happened to be his granddaughter’s husband’s mother. That’s where the confusion began, according to Baker’s granddaughter, Lynn. She said, "My mother-in-law is now my step-grandmother. My grandfather is now my step-father-in-law. My mom is my sister-in-law and by brother is my nephew. But even crazier is that I’m now married to my uncle and my own children are my cousins." From this experience, Lynn should gain profound insight into the theory of relativity. (Campus Life, March, 1981, p. 31) Unfortunately most stories of messed up relationships aren’t so funny.

You may recall the story of Joseph’s brothers’ betrayal. His brothers had conspired to kill him because they were jealous of the attention he got from his father. As Jacob’s favorite child, Joseph strutted around in a richly ornamented robe, a "coat of many colors." Additionally, Joseph dreamed that his eleven brothers would one day bow don before him, which certainly did not set well with them!

Never the less, those dreams were from God. There was nothing wrong with Joseph’s interpretation, but there was a lot wrong with Joseph. God’s hand was upon him, but he needed a serious attitude adjustment. So God allowed Joseph’s brothers to deal with him severely. Instead of killing him, they decided to sell him into slavery instead. In order to cover up their crime, they dipped Joseph’s robe in some goat’s blood and took it to their father. They deceived him into believing that Joseph had been killed by some wild animal. Their plan worked.

So Joseph found himself a slave in Egypt. He was sold to an Egyptian officer named Potiphar. Potiphar’s wife took a liking to Joseph and sought to seduce him, but he resisted her temptations and fled from her when she made advances toward him. Enraged, she accused him of raping her. Potiphar believed his wife and had Joseph thrown into prison.

Joseph had much to be bitter about: He had been betrayed by those closest to him; He had been falsely accused; and God, who had allowed all these things to happen!

Now while he was in prison, Joseph became acquainted with the Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, who had also been sent to jail. He interpreted dreams for each of them, which came to pass. The baker was hanged, but the cupbearer was restored to his position. Joseph begged the cup bearer to put in a good word for him.

"But when all goes well with you, remember me and show me

kindness; mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison. For I was forcibly carried off from the land of the Hebrews, and even here I have done nothing to deserve being put in a dungeon." - Genesis 40:14-15 (NIV)

Most of us would have made the same request. But God was not through carrying out His purposes and preparation in Joseph’s life. Delays are often a part of God’s working in our lives. The cup bearer forgot his Joseph’s plea, until two whole years later.

"The worst thing that can happen to a man is to succeed before he is ready." - Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Joseph wasn’t quite ready yet for the success God wanted to bring to and through his life. Part of the preparation for his success would require Joseph’s learning to forgive fully and completely.

When Pharaoh had disturbing dreams that no one could interpret, the cup bearer remembered Joseph and he was summoned before Pharaoh. Joseph gave the interpretation of the dreams-there would be seven years of plenty followed by seven years of famine. Egypt needed to take advantage of the first seven years to prepare for the last seven.

Pharaoh was so impressed with Joseph that he made him second in command in Egypt only to himself, and appointed Joseph the one in charge of making preparations for the seven years of famine.

Joseph did such a good job, that not only did Egypt have plenty during those seven years of famine, but people in neighboring lands also came and found help in Egypt. Which brings us to our passage for today. Joseph’s brothers came to Egypt for help. By the time God brought all this about, He had be able to do the work in Joseph’s life to enable him to forgive his brothers. (READ TEXT)

From the way Joseph went about demonstrating forgiveness toward his brothers, we can discover how we can know we have forgiven a brother who has offended us.

1. You will not be angry with God - vs. 7-8

Joseph had learned to trust God with his circumstances. As a result, he learned the lesson that God specializes in taking what others intended for harm and uses it for good. He learned that God is more interested in building our character than He is in providing for our comfort. That sometimes, He allows others to do hurtful things to us in order to work out His purposes in and through us.

Why do people become angry with God? Because they see something that God has allowed to enter their lives as not being consistent with what THEY had in mind for their life.

But God calls us to learn to trust that what He has in mind for our life is far superior than anything we might ask for or imagine. We may not see it now, but eventually, even if it isn’t until eternity, the good God had in mind will be revealed.

2. You will not want your brother to fear you - vs. 3-4a

When we are harboring a grudge, we want the offending party to be afraid of us. We might even say things like, "He or she had better stay away from me!" or "They will regret bumping into me any time soon." We say things like that to others in the hope that the word will get around to the person who has offended us so that they will feel some sense of remorse about having "crossed" us.

But forgiveness does not want the offender to be afraid of us. Instead, forgiveness wants the relationship to be restored if at all possible.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment."

- 1 John 4:18 (NIV)

When I hold a grudge, I want to punish the person who has offended me in any way I can. If I cannot actually punishment them in some tangible way, I will at least try to do so in an intangible way, and intimidation and fear is one way we try to punish.

But forgiveness trusts God with bringing about justice, and says, if possible, I want this relationship to be restored. The last thing I want is for them to be afraid to be in my presence and I am no longer afraid of how I will behave when I am in theirs.

3. You will not want your brother to feel guilty - v. 5

You will want the offender to be able to forgive themselves for their offense and be able to move beyond the offending incident just like you are able to do because of your trusting it over to God and choosing to forgive.

Often, we have a hard time forgiving someone because we are afraid that if we do, they will somehow "get off" too lightly. As 1 John 4:18 tells us, "fear has to do with punishment." We are refuse to trust god with the offense and forgive because we are afraid that God will not do the right thing with respect to the offender.

But when we choose to forgive, we trust punishment over to God. And one of the evidences that I have truly trusted God with the offense is that my attitude toward the offender is changed.

I do not want the offending incident to hold them back in life any more than I want to let it hold me back.

4. You will not want your brother to be humiliated - v. 1

As we said last time, when we approach someone about an offense to extend forgiveness to them, we should do so privately. That’s what Joseph did. And he did it in private so as to help his brothers save face.

After all, Joseph knew that he wanted to make provision for his brothers to live in the region. Joseph was a popular man, since he was largely responsible for delivering Egypt from famine.

Imagine how things would have been for his brothers should people find out what they had done to Joseph!

Likewise, if I have truly forgiven someone who has offended me, I will not want to talk to others about the offense. I will drop it and not mention it to anyone else, because I want them to "save face."

5. You will want to see your brother blessed - vs. 9-10

Joseph wanted to bless his brothers. Some say it was only because he wanted to bless his father and his little brother, Benjamin. But in Genesis 50:15-21, it is made clear that his desire was for his brother’s blessing, as well (READ PASSAGE).

A few years ago a young Korean, after graduating from the Seoul National University, came to the United State to study at the University of Pennsylvania. On his way to mail a letter one evening he was stopped by a gang of eleven delinquent teenagers, looking for some money. They wanted sixty-five cents each to get into a dance. The Korean boy had no money so the teenagers beat him to death. The murder shocked Philadelphia. Most citizens felt that the severest punishment would be too good for the culprits. But on the other side of the world the parents of the Korean lad viewed the tragedy differently. Their letter to Philadelphia authorities stirred hearts everywhere. In it they said they were establishing a fund to be used for the religious, educational, vocational, and social guidance of the teenagers who killed their son.

Practical Point: Pray daily for you offender!

6. You will make forgiveness a lifelong commitment - 50:15-21

Conclusion: Bible students often point out the similarities between Joseph and Jesus. (Refer To handout)

The comparison between Joseph and Jesus is, no doubt, divinely inspired in Scripture. But as we think of being compared to Jesus, isn’t that what the Bible said should also be said of us as believers today?

"Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did." - 1 John 2:6 (NIV)

There is one parallel between Jesus and Joseph that needs to also be found in us. We are to forgive even as Christ forgave us.

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you." - Colossians 3:12-13 (The Message)