Summary: How we deal with the loss of loved ones

Intro: This morning, we want to think about death. We are told that death and taxes are certain. Each one of us must come to the point where we make a decision about what the future holds for us. Each of us needs to be prepared for death. And we prepare for death by the choices we make in life. Supposedly a tombstone in an Indiana cemetery has this inscription on it:

Pause stranger, when you pass me by -- As you are now, so once was I

As I am now, so you will be -- So prepare for death, and follow me

An unknown passerby read those words and underneath scratched this reply:

To follow you, I’m not content, until I know which way you went!”

Each of us must prepare for our death. Yet, often what gives us much concern is not the idea of our own death, but facing up to the deaths of those we love. Grieving for others is a difficult thing. This morning, as we think about the death of those we love, I would remind you that God often takes what looks like a failure in the eyes of the world, and uses it to be a great success. I would say to you that even the death of a loved one can be a great victory in the eyes of God, if we will look at things from his perspective.

This morning, let’s ask God to give us his perspective on death.

PRAY: Pray for God to help us to see the death of those we love from his viewpoint

The first thing for us to remember when we think about death, is to remember that death is not part of God’s original plan. God’s plan is life: yet, because of our sin, death came to be. Romans 5:12 - Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned. Death is only present because we rejected God’s original plan of life offered for obedience. Yet, even in the presence of death, Christ offers eternal life to those who will trust in him. But in this world, as we face death, how do we cope?

Turn with me in your Bibles to John 11.

READ: John 11:1-16, 33-45

Most of us are familiar with the story of Lazarus. In the story of Lazarus we come to see a few things that help us as we consider facing the death of those we love.

I. Embracing Death Does Not Mean a Failure to Show Emotion

Somehow we have allowed ourselves to buy into the idea that we can’t cry; that we have to “get over it and move on”. But here in this passage we see that our emotions play a very central part in the acceptance of death.

Look in verse 5 - Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days.

Jesus loved this family - YET - in spite of his love, he made a decision that was not based upon his emotions, but upon his knowledge of the Father’s will. Facing the death of those we love can be a very emotional time for us. But we always need to make sure that God is top priority in our lives.

Look in verse 33, 35, 38 As Jesus in confronted with the death of his friend Lazarus, he is deeply moved to tears. He doesn’t just let our a small tear, if is greatly moved by his emotions. One of the things I tell people at funerals is to feel free to cry. Our tears are the expression of the emotions of our heart.

Many times people hold back their emotions, and they are not able to grieve in a healthy way. Don’t hold back the emotions that you feel over the death of those you love.

What we are really saying about expressing our emotions is this:

Look how God has worked in the past: He has made you a being filled with emotions.

The expression of those emotions honors God -- when they are expressed in appropriate ways.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 - But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.

We can be filled with sorrow, but we still hold on to hope. That is my next point.

II. Embracing Death Does Not Mean Giving Up Hope

Sometimes we think foolishly. We say we are Christians and that we believe the Bible, but sometimes in our thinking we forget what God says. Look in 11:25 - Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

Jesus reminds Martha that there is hope! For the Christian, there is no such thing as death. Yes, this earthly body that we occupy for a while might cease to function, and we might move on to a new location, but that is not death.

#A Philadelphia legal firm sent flowers to an associate in Baltimore upon the opening of a new office building. Through some mix-up, the banner on the flowers read “Deepest Sympathy.” When the florist was told of his mistake, he let out a shriek, and exclaimed, “Then the flowers that went to the church for the funeral said ‘Congratulations on your new location!’”

That’s what death is for a Christian: simply moving to a new location. When those we love die, if they are Christians, we know that we can see them again.

Not only do we carry the hope of seeing our loved one again; we also carry the hope of how God is going to work through the death. Look is verse 40. Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

Do we look for God to work in the midst of death? Do we look for Gods glory to be revealed. The friends had come to offer comfort, but they were not looking for God to do anything great. I’m not saying that we should look for God to raise our loved ones back to life--although he could-- but let’s look for God to work through the death of those we love.

Look at the results in 41-45 - Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, put their faith in him. This is how God worked - not just in bringing Lazarus back to life, but in bringing many to believe.

When we face the death of those we love, look at what God will work for you in the future.

Jesus told his disciples, In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

III. Embracing Death Realizes that Death Does What Life Often Cannot

Often it takes a death for God to get hold of people’s hearts and change them to be the people he wants them to be. A certain family in a southern church had been inactive for years. The family simply never went to church any more and every effort to get them to attend had failed. One day one of the sons, name John, was bitten by a rattlesnake The father immediately sent for the pastor that he might come and pray for John. The pastor went and this was his prayer:

“Oh wise and gracious Father, we thank You that You have in Your wisdom sent this rattlesnake to bite John in order to bring him to his senses. He has not been to church for years. It is doubtful if he has ever before in all his life felt the need of prayer. Now we pray that this will prove a valuable lesson for him, and that it will lead to his repentance.

“And we also pray, O father, that You would send another snake to bite Sam, and another to bite Jim, and another to bite the old man. We have been doing everything we could for many years, but all our efforts could not accomplish what this snake has done.

“We thus conclude that the only thing that will do this family any good is rattlesnakes. So, please, Lord, send them bigger and better rattlesnakes. Amen.”

Look in 11:49-52 - Then one of them, named Caiaphas, who was high priest that year, spoke up, "You know nothing at all! You do not realize that it is better for you that one man die for the people than that the whole nation perish." He did not say this on his own, but as high priest that year he prophesied that Jesus would die for the Jewish nation, and not only for that nation but also for the scattered children of God, to bring them together and make them one.

It was prophesied, unknowingly, that the death of one man, Jesus, would bring together the children of God. Without the death of Christ, where would we be today? The disciples loved Jesus, but it was for their good that he died. Often God brings good through death.

In verse 45 we see that through the death and resurrection of Lazarus, many placed their faith in Christ.

In verse 42 we see Jesus praying. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me." Jesus knew that others were watching him to see how he would respond. Let’s remember that others are watching our lives, to see how we face death. We profess that Christ can meet every need in our life: when we face the death of one we love, our unsaved friends, neighbors, co-workers are watching to see if this is true or if it just sounds good.

In times of death, we need to look for God at work around us. What is God trying to do in our life and in the life of others through the circumstances of this death?

IV. Other Responses to the Death of One We Love

There are some other passages I would have us quickly consider this morning as we think about facing death.

*Look to go on with your life - 2 Samuel 12:19-24 - David conceives a son our of wedlock by Bathsheba, and the son is taken sick. As he is dying, David abases himself before God. When he finally dies, David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshipped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate. His servants asked him, "Why are you acting in this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!" He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, `Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."

There is nothing wrong with praying for those we love to be healed and spared. Yet, when God answers NO and the one we love dies, let’s go on with our life. I don’t mean we fail to grieve, but we know they are not coming back. We will see them again, but God wants us to go on with our lives and the ministries he has in store for us.

*Look to praise God in everything - we see David went to the house of the LORD and worshipped. So should we. When Job loses all his family, his response is to worship God. Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

At Prince Chapman’s funeral, they started by reciting the verses, I WILL enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise. Do we have the commitment that whatever happens we will give God praise?

*Look to be an example - In Ezekiel 24, Ezekiel’s wife dies, and God tells him he will be an example to the nation of Israel. Remember that others look at us to see how we respond to death. #Rosa Chapman - down front - standing, praising God - carrying on ministry

*Look for a ministry - In Luke 2:36-38 we see Anna, married for 7 years then widowed til 84. How does she spend her days? At the temple, in prayer, fasting, worship, and witnessing. Let’s all look to minister for the Lord, even through difficult days. He ministers to our needs so we can minister to the needs of others.

Concl: How do you handle death? What we do during death, especially the death of the one we love, shows a lot about how we live our life. Let’s be committed to embracing death, knowing that God CAN use death for his purposes. The verse in Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. - may not be the first verse to share with someone who has lost a loved one - but it is true nevertheless.

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.

May we approach our death and the death of others with a new remembrance of the power of God at work in that situation.

Shall we pray!