Ephesians 6:1-4 Father’s Day - 2004 June 20, 2004
*Intro: I read something this week entitled 50 Reasons Why It’s Good To Be a Man.
-I won’t read all of them but I did put together my own top-10 list:
10. You know stuff about tanks.
9. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
8. If someone forgets to invite you to something he can still be your friend.
7. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
6. If another guy shows up at the same party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
5. One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
4. There is always a game on somewhere.
3. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, “So…notice anything different?”
2. If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
1. You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
ILL.- Someone wrote these humorous word entitled, "The World According to Dad." These are words that most dads have said at some time or another to their children.
- This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.
- Quiet. I’m watching the ball game.
- Don’t forget to check the oil.
- Bring back all the change.
- How should I know? Ask your mother.
- I’m not made out of money!
- When I was your age I walked 5 miles to and from school each day and it was uphill both ways.
- You are going and you will have fun!
- Who’s paying the bills around here, anyway?
- If you break your leg don’t come running to me.
- Don’t put your feet on the furniture. Your mother will kill you.
- Get down before you kill yourself. On second thought, go ahead.
- Quit playing with your food.
- Be quiet! Can’t you see I’m trying to think!
- Why? Because I said so!
- If you don’t quit that I’m going to call your mother.
- You better get that junk picked up before your mother comes in here.
- Just wait till you have kids of your own.
- I was not asleep. I was just resting my eyes.
Well, happy Father’s Day, Dad’s! I hope you are glad you’re a father - I certainly am!
-Being a Dad is one of the greatest privileges and blessings of my life - I really mean that.
-But it hasn’t always been fun. In fact, I wouldn’t describe any job that is so filled with the potential dangers of fathering, as fun.
-But when you learn the rules, and do your best at following them, it is the most rewarding assignment you can be given.
-I want to talk about a few of those rules this morning, from Eph. 6:1-4
I. Children: obey your parent’s v.1-3 (read)
I want us to notice two observations about these verses:
1. Your responsibility is to teach them this concept - especially as they are growing up.
-If you don’t teach them quick obedience to your commands, who will?
-If you don’t teach them obedience to their God-given authorities, how will they survive?
-Obedience is not a natural response, it is a learned habit! Where is it learned?
-It is learned at the knees of Dad and Mom.
-You may have the good fortune of having a child who is basically compliant and easy to train to follow your directions, but that is not typically what happens.
Every child needs instruction and guidance, some children need constant discipline enforced to get them to obey, but nearly all children need to have their will broken.
-I say that because Scripture says that!
Prov. 22:15 - Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;
The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.
-Please notice here what is ’bound up” in the heart of a child - it is ’foolishness.’
-That does not mean that children are silly, or childish, or absent-minded.
-It means that children are sinners; they are selfish; they are convicts and perverts in miniature form. Basically, it means people are not good by nature, they’re evil!
-I say that because of the way Proverbs defines the fool and the wise.
Prov. 1:7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge;
Fools despise wisdom and instruction.
-The very first place to discover any true knowledge is in fearing God.
-Fearing God keeps you in line with what He says is right and wrong.
-Fearing God is to be afraid of what He might do to you if you don’t follow Him.
-To fear God is to revere and respect Him and hate what disobedience can do to you.
-This is what wisdom is. Wisdom is where the temptation to sin and your will collide in a set of circumstances, and you chose to do what God says, instead of what you want. (see Bailey)
-Wisdom is making godly choices instead of ungodly choices.
Prov. 10:23 Doing wickedness is like sport to a fool,
And so is wisdom to a man of understanding.
-Fools love to play the game of being wicked, ie, seeing how much they can disobey.
-But the wise love to obey - see how wisdom is contrasted to wickedness in this verse?
-Fools want to see what they can get by with; the wise want to do what is right.
Prov. 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.
-Fools always think their way is the right way. Sounds like a toddler to me!
-But those who seek wisdom will listen to the counsel and advise of others, esp. parents!
-By the way, here’s a glimpse into ’’The Property Laws of a Toddler’’ (Found in a hospital):
If I like it, it’s mine.
If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
If it’s mine, it must not ever appear to be yours in any way.
If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
If I saw it first, it’s mine.
If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
If you’re playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If it’s broken, it’s yours.
Prov. 14:8 The wisdom of the sensible is to understand his way,
But the foolishness of fools is deceit.
-Fools are foolish because the best they can do is deceive themselves - fool themselves!
-Therefore, Solomon says repeatedly in Proverbs:…
Prov. 17:21 He who sires a fool does so to his sorrow,
And the father of a fool has no joy.
Prov. 17:25 A foolish son is a grief to his father
And bitterness to her who bore him.
-That is why a Dad (and Mom) need to use the rod of correction with their little fools!
-It is God’s remedy for driving the foolishness (self-centeredness, deceitfulness) out of the heart of their child.
-This is the responsibility of the parents.
-But the child him/herself also has a responsibility to God, regardless of what the parents do.
2. Their responsibility is to follow this command - especially when they are old enough to understand it.
-If you are a child with a living parent, or parent in-law, this verse is written to us.
-At whatever age you are, there is a way for you to honor your mother and/or father.
-If you are still under their roof, you honor them by obeying what they say.
-As long as it doesn’t make you disobey Scripture, if it’s a command or expectation, your only right response before God is to do it. AND with an honoring, good attitude!!
-If you are out on your own, supporting yourself, you need to still honor your parents.
-Otherwise, this verse, this Commandment with a promise does not apply in your situation.
-I find that to be an unacceptable conclusion.
-So, if you can find nothing to honor them for, please ask God in what practical way(s) you can show them how you value them, how you highly regard them.
-Why? Because this is right before the Lord (v.1) and you will be blessed (v.3).
So, children have been addressed here, both indirectly (parents teach them to obey),
and directly (children obey, and honor your parents).
-The very next person in the family that Paul addresses is the father.
-Isn’t it interesting here that he doesn’t address the mother?
-Isn’t it also interesting that he speaks to the father about a common weakness in dads?
-Father’s tend to fit into the pattern that Paul tells them to avoid.
1. Don’t provoke your kids to the point of making them angry & bitter with you.
2. Don’t neglect them by failing to train them the way God would.
II. Father’s: teach your children- vs. 4 (read)
A. Don’t Provoke Your Children to Anger.
-Children will get angry when you cross their will and enforce obedience as they are growing up. That is not provoking.
-To provoke means to push or drive a child into a perpetual state of resentment.
-It is to make unreasonable demands, to overcorrect them to the point of exasperating them into a constant state of bitter anger toward you, and usually also to God.
“The gospel introduced a fresh element into parental responsibility by insisting that the feelings of the child must be taken into consideration. In a society where the father’s authority was absolute, this represented a revolutionary concept.” (Expos. Bible Comm.)
-We don’t think of this as revolutionary today because we are so used to seeing fathers who are wimpy. Dad’s who are passive, uninvolved and irresponsible.
-Not so with Greek and Roman dads - the culture to which Paul spoke.
-If anything, they were over-involved, controlling, domineering. And that’s putting it mildly!
In the first century, when this passage was written, families were presided over by fathers who could do whatever they pleased in their homes.
-Rome had a law called patria potestas, which meant “the father’s power.”
-Men who were Roman citizens were given absolute property rights over their families.
-By law, the children and the wife were regarded as the patriarch’s personal property, and he could do with them what he wished.
-A displeased father could disown his children, sell them into slavery, or even kill them.
-When a child was born, the baby was placed between the father’s feet.
-If the father picked up the baby, the child stayed in the home.
-If he turned and walked away, the child was either left to die or sold at auction.
-Seneca, a contemporary of the apostle Paul, described Roman policy with regard to unwanted animals: “We slaughter a fierce ox; we strangle a mad dog; we plunge a knife into a sick cow. Children born weak or deformed we drown.” Sounds barbaric, doesn’t it?
-So Paul was commanding the fathers to have a radically new approach to raising their children and to take a more tender, caring approach with them.
-But he wasn’t telling the men to go to the opposite extreme we see portrayed on sitcoms.
-The out-of-touch father with out-of-control children. There must be a balance here.
-The father is to be the leader of the home, but not a tyrant, ruling with an iron fist.
In the everyday tensions of family life, fathers must not make unreasonable demands.
-Otherwise children, being overcorrected, may lose heart and quit trying (Col 3:21).
-"Fathers, don’t aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying." (NLT)
Children are a heritage from the Lord; they are to be raised for Him.
-The verb translated “bring up” has the meaning of bodily nourishment (Eph 5:29) and also with their entire education. In other words, children are to be treated with tenderness.
-Father’s are not the caregivers that mothers are by nature, so we have to be told to be.
-By nature, men are more aggressive and tend to be more harsh and severe, less gentle.
-Children need to see that at times - in control - but still present in the male leader.
-A father who cannot be stern, firm, and sometimes unbending is not being a leader.
But a father needs to realize how important he is to the well being of his children as well.
-Not just as a provider - which is extremely important and to be commended in good dads.
-But dads are also critically important to the healthy development of a child’s life.
-Even non-religious studies have shown how necessary the father’s active presence in the life of his child is to their emotional wellbeing. Some authorities would even say critical!
-So, whether we feel like it or not, dads, we are essential to our children’s lives.
Paul goes on to mention two aspects of a father’s influence in their upbringing.
-“Discipline” (Training-NIV) in the Greco-Roman world meant strict discipline.
-“Nurture” (KJV) is too weak a word.
-The root verb means, “to chasten” but can also be used in the wider context of “instruction.”
-Paul is saying to train children with firm boundaries for their behavior.
-What Paul is referring to here is training in righteousness.
-A dad’s responsibility is to see that his children are trained to be righteous, honest, obedient to God’s standards, which he models as an example in the home.
“Instruction” is correction by word of mouth. Sometimes translated, admonish.
-Displeasure and reproof are implied, but also advice and encouragement.
-So, children not only need to hear what they are doing wrong, but praised for doing right.
-What we see here are the beginnings of Christian education in the home.
-The Christian father is responsible for seeing that his children understand and live the Christian faith. No one else to whom we may delegate part of this is as responsible.
-Nor is anyone else going to be as accountable as the leader in the home, ... Dad!
-This means, of course, that a dad needs to be growing in his faith and love for God first!
-Then, he needs to lead out of the overflow of his life of walking faithfully with God.
-Children can see your hypocrisy quicker than anyone, and teenagers will often be quick to point out your inconsistencies. Be honest about your weaknesses, but work on them.
-A child will usually be honest in observing how you are growing and changing.
This kind of disciplined instruction presupposes correction or punishment.
-There will be times, because of the sinful nature of your little darlings, that you must correct and punish their disobedience - which is what Proverbs told us earlier.
-Think about two or three year olds who act totally out of control in public.
-They run up and down church aisles, climb all over the pews or chairs, throw food around the table at a restaurant or friends home, seem oblivious to their parents’ command to “come here,” or “stop”, or “be quiet.”
-What you see in public, or course, only reflects what is going on at home.
-These children are being raised in a world without fences.
-Their parents have not committed themselves yet to erecting boundaries for behavior and letting punishment follow discipline/instruction when & where it must.
-And the person God holds most responsible is … you guessed it, Dad!
III. Biblical Illustrations and Applications
-From Kenn and Jeff Gangle’s book, Fathering Like the Father, several practical ways a dad can apply what we’ve learned this morning:
1. Never lose sight of sin as the ultimate culprit in a child’s negative behavior. Don’t exasperate your children by ignoring their sin; love them enough to correct it.
2. Remember that the key is not perpetual success, but faithful effort.
3. Expect pain at the moment of punishment and look for righteousness & peace later.
4. Tell your kids about the way your parents disciplined you and why it was effective or ineffective. Be sure to do it w/o putting Grandma & Grandpa in a bad light.
5. When you deal with sin and disobedience in your children, don’t just react. Consider the response that would be too harsh & the one that would be too permissive, and balance it.
6. Pray daily that God will help you develop holiness in your children as you recognize their weaknesses, deal with their sin, and move toward spiritual growth.
7. If you have a wandering older child, ask the heavenly Father to bring him/her back home to His fellowship again. Pray for them everyday.
8. Forgive your children quickly. Don’t hold grudges. Initiate reconciliation & celebrate it.
9. Never be guilty of favoritism or broken promises, which can provoke deep-seated anger.
10. Always keep God’s balanced love in mind. When you discipline, communicate complete acceptance. When you forgive, communicate the seriousness of sin.
Take the leadership of your home seriously
-Dad, you are the point man in your home. You are the coach of your team.
-You are the captain and your barracks is boot camp for training young soldiers for the greatest combat in the world.
-Your home is a launching pad for missiles of missionary zeal aimed at the unreached peoples of the world.
-Our goal is not merely to get our kids to outwardly conform to a list of rules.
-Our mandate is to develop children who seek to love and glorify God with their lives.
-It is not enough to teach them to do good things; our job is to teach our children how to develop a lifestyle of kingdom servanthood.
-One of the best ways to make your family God-saturated is by having a regular time of family devotions.
-Dads, you’re the leader. Lead on!
-Your kids are waiting for you to step up to the plate!
