A MARRIAGE OF STRENGTH
EPHESIANS 5:21-31
Several years ago, the Saturday Evening Post published an article entitled “The Seven Ages of the Married Cold.” It revealed the reaction of a husband to his wife’s colds during their first seven years of marriage. It went something like this:
ü The first year: “Sugar dumpling, I’m really worried about my baby girl. You’ve got a bad sniffle, and there’s no telling about these things with all this strep throat going around. I’m putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food’s lousy, but I’ll be bringing your meals in from Rosini’s. I’ve already got it all arranged with the floor superintendent.”
ü The second year: “Listen, darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I called Doc Miller and asked him to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, please? Just for Papa.”
ü The third year: “Maybe you’d better lie down, honey: nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I’ll bring you something to eat. Have you got any canned soup?”
ü The fourth year: “Now look, dear, be sensible. After you’ve fed the kids, washed the dishes and finished the floor, you’d better lie down.”
ü The fifth year: “Why don’t you take a couple of aspirin?”
ü The sixth year: “I wish you’d just gargle or something, instead of sitting around all evening barking like a seal!”
ü The seventh year: “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing! Are you trying to give me pneumonia?”
INTRODUCTION: Marriage has been described in many ways:
Marriage is a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing any who comes between them. Sydney Smith
Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst of the bargain. Helen Rowland
In a successful marriage, there is no such thing as one’s way. There is only the way of both, only the bumpy, dusty, difficult, but always mutual path. Phyllis McGinley
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. G.K. Chesterton
How much has our opinion changed about marriage. From a “till death do us part” relationship to “as long as we both shall love”. Marriage has moved from a enduring state to an emotional state, from vows of integrity to vows of suggestion, and from nuclear to extended. Somewhere in all of this marriage has lost the institutional strength God meant it to have. Divorce is easier than working through problems, adultery offers more excitement that a committed relationship, and children have been left to answer the question of who mommy and daddy really are.
Gone are the Cleavers, Petries, and Huxtables. They have been replaced by the Simpsons, the Bundy’s, and the Desperate Houswives.
But before we throw in the towel, so to speak on marriage, I think God would like to weigh in on the issue. He is the author and creator of marriage. He is the final authority on what still makes a strong marriage. And today, the world needs to see strong marriages.
We participated together in a renewal of vows this morning. Planned way back on Super Bowl Sunday. One was surprised, one was thrilled, and all of us were witnesses.
So lets look into God’s Word and see what God has to say about having a strong marriage.
TRANSITION: now as we get started, we need to understand the following principle. Whenever God deals with the relationship of marriage, whether God begins with the man or not, He holds the man accountable for the marriage. He speaks to the man regarding marriage, he confronts the man regarding marriage, and he commands the man regarding marriage.
So we need to view the verse in light of this principle of who God is dealing with. God is dealing with the man first and foremost. Everything hinges on the man. Remember God’s condemnation in the Garden of Eden ………
Genesis 3:17
To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ’You must not eat of it,’
"Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat of it
all the days of your life.
Paul is describing a biblical principle of trickle down obedience. If the man is responding biblically to God, his wife and family will be responding biblically also. And if the man is not responding biblically, then the family is also in danger of not responding biblically.
So when we think about a marriage of strength, we need to understand that ……..
I A MARRIAGE OF STRENGTH INVOLVES A MAN WHO IS FULL COMMITTED TO HIS WIFE
A Marriage is the closet relationship on earth
Genesis 2:23-24
The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ’woman,’
for she was taken out of man."
24For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
1 Closer than our relationship with our parents
2 Closer than our relationship with any other person.
Marriages get into problems when we come into a marriage not fully committed to our wives.
We cannot come into a marriage with relationships placed above the marriage relationship
ü God tells us to break the relationship with our parents.
ü The term leave is actually present tense word – declaring that a leaving needs to take place, in other words for the marriage to work a man needs to leave one relationship and build another relationship.
o Establishing three things
§ A leaving
§ A uniting
§ A public declaration
ü The terms leave and cling are words commonly associated with covenants, and involve a new promise superseding the promises of the old covenant
o Marriage is viewed as something new.
o Marriage is viewed as something higher
o Marriage requires a new priority on the couple – esp. the husband
3 Marriage is a “one flesh” relationship
ü We miss the thought that since husband and wife are “one flesh”, that the actions of one directly affect the actions of the other!
ü Marriage was initially an institution that was
o Without fear of exploitation
o Without the potential for evil
o This would all change with the entrance of sin
As the spiritual leader of the home, a man has the responsibility to make sure that personal sin does not affect the stability of the relationship.
The whole context of Genesis 2 is the partnership – oneness between a man and a woman
THE HUSBAND HAS A BIBLICAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE SPIRITUAL PROTECTION AND DEVELOPMENT OF HIS FAMILY. Families run into problems because the husband do not fulfill their biblical mandates for the spiritual health of their families!
4 A man’s love for his wife should be equal to his love for himself.
ü We all take care of our bodies, even though they are imperfect.
ü We have a wrong idea of care, but we do care. Many of the issues we have today dealing with our bodies maybe wrong as a whole, but the person involved thinks they are right.
5 A man’s love for his wife should be as sacrificial as Christ love is for the church
ü Our model for loving our wives should be the model Jesus gave us
o The word for love here is the word we get from the root of agapao
§ it is the kind of love that seeks the highest good for another
§ It is an unselfish love
§ Most love is based on affection and feeling
§ This love goes beyond these to mind will and heart
ü Jesus loved the church enough to die for it.
o Christ’s love for the church is still beyond the ability of the church to comprehend it
ü Christ loves the church to assure the health of the church
ü Christ loves the church to maintain the vitality of the church
ü Christ loves the church to personally present the church
Now as we move from the husband to the wife, there are a couple of points to be made:
ü Marriages are dependent on the love of the husband. He is commanded to love, to love biblically, modeled after Christ.
ü The husband carries the responsibility for the spiritual health, and hence the health in every other aspect of family life
ü God never gives instruction for our detriment.
And as we turn to this area of submission, we need to point out a couple of things ………..
ü Submission is God’s command
ü Submission establishes order not rank
ü Submission is first based on our mutual submission to Christ
II A MARRIAGE OF STRENGTH INVOLVES A WIFE WHO IS FULL COMMITTED TO HER HUSBAND
A Submission comes from understanding the difference between equality and responsibility.
Genesis 2:20-23 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ’woman,’
for she was taken out of man."
ü The whole issue here is equality and partnership. “The point of this passage is not to declare some supposed superiority of man over woman. The point is to declare that God created a partner for man, a partner who was desperately needed in order to carry out the will of God for the earth. The partnership is between two equal persons and beings, but their functions and purposes upon earth differ.—Preacher’s Outline and Sermon Bible – Commentary
B Submission comes from understanding the connection between love and submission
ü Since man is always dealt with as the responsible partner in the marriage union, his activity in the marriage is always first.
o Jesus laid out the principle of love
§ John 15:12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
§ 1 John 4:19 We love because he first loved us.
§ Submission comes after love, not before it.
C Submission comes from understanding the connection between leadership and submission
ü Jesus laid out the principle of leadership
o John 13:12-15 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13"You call me ’Teacher’ and ’Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.
D Submission comes from the understanding the meaning of woman and wife
ü This means that woman had God as the builder
ü This means that her creation was a special separate creative act of God – a creative act to be distinguished from all others
ü With the creation of woman, the garden is now complete
PRACTICAL THOUGHTS REGARDING STRONG MARRIAGES:
ü Strong marriages have to core values – love and submission
ü Love is revealed in a husband imitation of Christ love and leadership
ü Submission flows from a sense of overwhelming love and protection
ü Biblical husbands produce biblical marriages
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