Intimacy
John 11
INTIMACY: Innermost. Marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity. Marked by warm friendship. Suggesting informal warmth or privacy. Of a very personal or private nature.
The greatest underlying truth in the Bible is that God did not create us, nor does He desire us to experience Him in an impersonal way. However, for too many of us, if we were to describe our relationship with God with one word, intimate would be the last word that we would use. We might use words like obedience, service, worship, or fear, but not intimate.
All of the terms are good and should be defining characteristics of our relationship with God, but not as the primary definition. When these terms are the primary description over intimacy, everything else gets out of order.
The main reason that so many Christian’s lives are out of order is because of this mix up in God’s purpose for our lives. We are created to have an intimate relationship with God; we were not created to serve but to love.
Our experience of God is dependent upon our intimacy with God. Everything we do “for” God is secondary to this. God never intended us to find our fulfillment in “doing,” but in “being”. Our doing is only an expression of our being.
Yet, the hardest thing for us to apprehend about God; the greatest mystery in the Bible is that God longs for and desires intimacy with His children. Christian’s have no trouble believing in creation, sea’s being parted, dead being raised to life, or even a donkey speaking. But when it comes to the subject of God desiring intimacy with us, we balk.
Yet, this remains the greatest and most profound fact in all of Scripture. Every doctrine and truth in the Bible is predicated on and built upon this one fundamental mystery. From beginning to end, the Bible declares God’s desire to be intimate with His creation.
I say that this is a “mystery,” but really it’s not; it is one of the most simple and clear truths in the Bible on the surface. But sadly, this is where most of us stay, on the surface. None of us who are Christians would deny the simple truth we learned at our conversion, that God loves us. But the sad fact is that many of us get over it within a few months after our conversion.
We never plunge beneath the surface of this fundamental truth; we never dive off into the mystery of why God loves us. And this is the greatest truth that God desires to reveal to you because the deeper you dive, the more of Himself He is able to reveal to you. And the more of God you see, the greater your love towards will be, and the greater your love is towards Him, the more glory you will give Him, because you will become more like Him.
This is why He desires intimacy with His children, not so you can be more spiritual, or church will be more fun, but that God will be glorified in and through you.
All through the Bible we see God taken the initiative to cultivate this love relationship with us. His desire has always been to show us more of Himself and to give us a greater knowledge of Himself so that we may love Him more. We see this in the text before us, God taking the initiative to give us more of Himself.
Background:
Three portraits of intimacy seen through the lives of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus:
I. Where Intimacy is Born: Mary
A. In Silence: VV1-6 – Oddly enough (seems like an oxy-moron). Describe the scene: Sickness, no Jesus. Death, no Jesus. Funeral, no Jesus. But as soon as he dies Jesus decides to go, why the delay? Why the silence? Two reasons: 1. His love for them (V5). 2. Their familiarity with Him. They knew Jesus could heal, and they knew if He had been there He would have healed Lazarus. And that is why He didn’t come. They would have received an answer to their prayer, but they would have missed a greater revelation of who Jesus is. Jesus’ delay was not a rejection, but an opportunity to reveal more of Himself to His friends. An opportunity for them to become more intimate with Him. The greatest temptation for us is using God rather than loving Him, or following Him for what he can do for us instead of for who He is. Illustration: When Jesus told the many followers in John 6 that, “Unless you eat My flesh and drink My blood, you have no life in you,” many of them deserted Him because the teaching was “too hard”. The truth was that they were following Him because He had just fed them, and they liked it and wanted more of it. Jesus wanted to be more than these people’s caterer; He wanted to give them more than just a meal. He wanted them to know that their expectations of Him were too low. He wanted to do more than just provide sustenance for physical life; He would be their source for eternal life. Jesus’ graphic teaching was meant to shock them into looking beneath the surface of the miraculous meal and see the true meaning. They wanted to trade the “Bread of heaven” for just plain bread. If they had stayed long enough they would have learned that Jesus used this hard teaching to frustrate the impure motives of everyone who tried to be close to Him. This is exactly what we see here with MM&L; Jesus is frustrating their motives for desiring Him to come. They wanted their brother healed, but Jesus wants to show them that He’s much more than just a miracle worker. If your desire is to be more intimate with the Lord, the first sign that He has heard your prayer and is answering it will be silence. That silence is His sign that He is bringing you into a greater understanding of who He is. He wants to do more than just give you an answer to your prayer. We trade to best for the good! His silence will be contagious; it will get into you. We see this in the next thing where intimacy is born.
B. In Stillness: VV17-20 – We see the contrast between Mary and Martha. Martha is all about action, but Mary goes back to the place where she last heard from the Lord (Story of Mary sitting at His feet). Mary had learned to be still because she had sat at His feet and listened to Him. Her stillness now was a result of the intimacy she had already experienced with Jesus. She may not have understood why Jesus hadn’t come, but she remembered the things He said to her before, and so she rested in that. She had learned to be still when He was near, and the result was she could now be still when He was seemingly far away. For many of us this is the hardest thing to do, just be still, because we equate our own busyness with action from God (if we’re moving He’s moving – God helps those who help themselves). Either that, or decide that God just needs a little help to get going. Intimacy requires stillness!! Stillness comes from the next thing:
C. In Surrender: VV28-32 – Mary stillness came from a heart that was surrendered to the Lord. Her surrender came from a passion for Jesus. Jesus had captured Mary’s heart and she was consumed by His love for her. She admits her feelings (V32), she falls at His feet (which is where she is every time we read about her) and pours her heart out to Him in front of everyone. A surrendered heart is one that doesn’t mind being transparent before the Lord. She doesn’t hide her emotions, she cries! She’s confessing her weakness. Jesus responds by weeping with her; that’s intimacy!! This could be why some of us fear intimacy. We really have no desire to bear all before the Lord; it’s too painful. We don’t want to let Him dig too deep into our lives because He may bring up some things that are too painful for us to deal with. And besides that, emotions and feelings play no part in Christianity, right? We’re not supposed to listen to our feelings because they are subjective. I would love to argue how wrong this belief is, but for times sake I won’t. Losing the ability to be moved emotionally in the presence of God is not a sign of being spiritually mature or doctrinally sound; it could be a sign of hardness and lack of surrender. Jesus wept!!!!!! If you have lost the ability to weep in the presence of the Lord something may be wrong (this is not a gauge however to determine whether you have been in the presence of the Lord).
II. When Intimacy is Barred: Martha
A. In Disappointment: VV20-22 – Jesus didn’t do what Martha had expected Him to do, and now she’s upset with Him. She doesn’t even wait for Him to get to the house she goes to meet Him. Martha’s words to Jesus declare what is in her heart (V21). What she was really saying was, “Why didn’t You leave when You got our message? And now You have come and it’s too late. Martha’s disappointment has put her in a place between reproach and faith. She’s disappointed with Jesus for being late, but her faith allows Him to make up for His mistake (V22). Her statement was the exact same as Mary’s, but Mary’s was from a heart that was intimate and surrendered to the Lord. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your feelings to the Lord, that’s apart of being intimate with Him. But Martha’s statement was not from intimacy, it was from disappointment. Mary’s statement was a declaration of her belief in what Jesus could have done if He were there; Martha’s was a rebuke for what He didn’t do because He wasn’t there. It’s hard to be intimate with someone that you feel has disappointed you; when they don’t live up to your expectations of what they should be or do (husbands and wives – most affairs happen for this very reason). Martha’s disappointment in the Lord leads to the next thing that bars intimacy.
B. In Disbelief: VV23-27 – I think it’s interesting to see how Jesus responds to Martha. Her statement was the exact same as Mary’s, but they received different responses. Martha got theology, Mary got compassion. And it is in this theological truth that we see Martha’s disbelief exposed. I don’t think that Martha’s disbelief was in Jesus personally, nor in His power to heal. Her problem with disbelief was not from bad theology, but from lack of intimacy. Jesus’ statement in verse 25 is one of the greatest declarations in the Bible concerning who He is. But Martha, like us, misses the significance of what he states (Explain: He says’ “I am the resurrection, not will be. We consign Jesus to some historical event. Jesus is saying I am the resurrection to anything that is dead in your life; right now!!!). We may not disbelieve in Jesus, or for that matter, in His power to do miracles. But we show our disbelief by not allowing this truth to affect our daily lives in the present. Jesus has just given her the purpose for His delay; in fact, she is experiencing the purpose at that moment. He’s giving her a greater revelation of who He is; He’s opening the door for Martha to move into a greater intimacy with Him, but her disbelief bars the way. Jesus asks her a very direct question, “Do you believe this?” Her answer in verse 27 seems to be the right answer, but it’s merely a theologically statement. Martha’s answer is the same that any church member could give; it comes from a familiarity with Scripture, not from intimate knowledge. Martha proves that her belief is mainly head knowledge by her next action.
C. In Dispute: VV38-40 – Martha is contradicting the very thing that she just declared she believed. Jesus said, “I am the resurrection, do you believe this?” Martha answers yes Lord! Then why, Martha, are you standing in the way of Jesus proving what He has just stated? He’s just opened the way for a greater knowledge of who He is; He’s just given Martha a greater and more intimate knowledge of Himself, and she is barring that intimacy by disputing His actions, why? Why the dispute? My opinion; Martha didn’t really desire the intimacy that Jesus was offering. The greater knowledge you have of Jesus; the greater intimacy you share with Him, the more your life gets disturbed. It’s easier to preach a truth, or amen a truth, or believe a truth than it is to live a truth. Greater intimacy with the Lord means that you cross a threshold that ushers you into a life that will never be predictable again, or as comfortable as before. The life that you have lived under your own supervision and guidance gets tossed in the trash, and Jesus takes over. And the truth is that many of like our life being predictable and comfortable; we don’t like things getting disturbed. This is what’s going on with Martha; Lord comfort me in my grief, but don’t disturb the situation. Illustration: Fifteen years ago I went to the dentist because about once a year my wisdom teeth start pushing through my gums and causing me a great deal of pain. The dentist gave me some antibiotics to get rid of the infection and swelling and told me to be back in one week so that he could cut them out. I haven’t seen him since. I would rather live with the occasional pain, and moan about my misfortune, than to deal with the problem. I’ve become comfortable with it. This is where many Christians live, in comfort zone of misery. They even like preaching that makes them feel awful and unworthy because it hits right in the middle of their comfort zone. The only problem with this line of thought is that it doesn’t line up with how God feels about you. The Holy Spirit was not sent to beat you over the head for your failures, He’s the Comforter, not the condemner, He’s the Helper. But when we dispute with the Lord taking control of the situation we forfeit intimacy with Him.
III. What Intimacy Begets: Lazarus
A. Life: VV38-43 – It seems strange to talk about intimacy while using a dead man to illustrate it. But it took Lazarus dying before he would ever experience Jesus the way Jesus desired him to. Before Paul could say, “Nevertheless I Live” he first had to say, “I have been crucified”. That’s what Jesus being the “resurrection” means for us; it means that He is the imparter of life wherever life is missing. And that’s why intimacy with Him is so vital. He takes a personal interest in our lifeless circumstances. We can bring to Him whatever is dead and lifeless and He can resurrect it. Your marriage, your spiritual life, other relationships.
B. Liberty: V44 – Lazarus is still dressed in his grave close. Jesus has given him life, and now He’s going to set him free (V44). Intimacy frees us from bondage and captivity. The bondage of fear, shame, sin, religion, anything else that holds you captive. Why? Because bondage keeps you from intimacy.
C. Love: 12:1-2: - Jesus comes to where Lazarus is. Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you.
One of the most misused sayings of Jesus in Scripture is, “If you love Me, you will obey Me”. We use it to guilt people, and ourselves, into obedience. Guilt was never Jesus’ intention when He made this statement; He was merely stating a fact. He was saying that your obedience to Me will spring from your love for Me. In other words, Jesus was teaching that the first priority in the relationship should be to love Him, and when that’s the priority, it will express itself in obedience to Him.
We have it all backwards; it works like this: We pray, read our Bible, tithe, and serve in order to have a relationship (that is the If you love Me ……). But Jesus says, you don’t do these things in order to have a relationship; you do them “because” you have a relationship.
We bypass the “knowing” and go straight to the “doing”. And this is why so many of us struggle with being obedient, and why so many of us conclude that we must not love Jesus enough; it is because we really don’t know the One we are trying so hard to obey.
This is why Jesus put the relationship in this order, “If you love Me”. That is, if you take the time to become intimately familiar with Me, “You will obey Me”. Because it will be an expression of your knowledge of Me, and your love for Me.
We turn it around and put the obedience before the love, and the result is that many spend their Christian lives miserably trying to please someone that they don’t know, or worse, they give up.
