OPEN: Years ago there was a great show called “Kids Say the Darndest Things” and it featured Art Linkletter asking several children their views on life. What was intriguing was the way in which the children saw life. Recently somebody interviewed a number of young children asking them what they believed about marriage and love and families
1. Asked about their idea of love, Kenny - age 7 - It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.
2. Diana, age 10 - I’m not rushing into love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.
3. Ava, age 8 - One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.
4. Manuel, age 8 - I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be painful.
5. Derrick, age 8 was asked: “How can a stranger tell if two people are married?”
Answer: “You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.”
6. Lori, age 8 was asked: “What do you think your mom and dad have in common?”
Answer: “Both don’t want no more kids.”
7. And Ricky age 7 answered the following question: “What would you suggest to make a
marriage work?”
Answer: “Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!” (Ricky, 7)
The beauty of children is that they often understand life better than many adults and what the answer of these kids reveal is that they’ve understood just how hard love can be. And they’ve understood that creating an atmosphere of love inside of families can be difficult and complicated. NOT IMPOSSIBLE… just complicated.
As one child once prayed to God: “I bet it is very hard for you to love everybody in the whole world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.” -Nan
APPLY: People get married all the time. They have kids and raise a family. And in their heart of hearts they hold forth the dream that their family/home will be a place where love and honor and respect create a shelter of protection against a world that is often cruel and harsh.
They want to come home and relax and know they are safe.
How can we create that kind of family? How can we fashion our homes so that places where love and respect are the rule… and anger and yelling are the exception?
I. The Bible tells us that the place we should start is with God
Ephesians 5:1-2 says “Be imitators of God… and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
We learn by imitation. And it is a hard and fast rule that if a child’s parents resolve their problems by yelling at each other that’s how they’ll deal with their family when conflicts arise
If a child is raised in a home where one parent is abusive (verbally or physically) - when they become parents they too are likely to become abusive.
But God tell us: “I don’t want you to be like that. I don’t want you to be harsh, cruel or abusive with the people around you. I want you to live a life of love.”
That’s true not just when we’re at church… not just when we’re at work… not just when we’re interacting with the people in our neighborhood… but it should especially be true when you and I are at home with our families.
Whenever we show the love of Christ to our husbands/ wives/ children/ parents - we are offering up a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. God is pleased with us because that shows that we’ve understood His priority in our lives
As 1 John 4:11-12 declares: “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”
II. But, how did He love us???
1st - God loved us by taking 1st step
1 John 4:10 “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”
Indeed Romans 5:10 tells us that “…when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son…”
God loved us before we ever did anything to deserve it.
God loved us when we weren’t all that attractive
SO, what does that teach us???
It teaches us that love in my family has got to begin with ME.
I Corinthians 1 3 – that great chapter about “love” in the Bible declares:
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
Paul was declaring that love had to start with HIM… not somebody else.
And as far as God is concerned… if we’re going to have love in our families it has got to start with us. If we wait till our spouse/ child/ parent DESERVES love from us we might have to wait an awful long time.
ILLUS: Doctor Bernie S. Siegel, in his book: Prescriptions For Living told the following story:
I saw a woman with breast cancer learn about the power of love. She’d grown up in an abusive, alcoholic family and felt bitterness toward her parents. When this young woman developed cancer, she decided to change her attitude and love her parents in spite of the harm they had done to her. Her mother moved into her home (to help around the house), and every morning
as the young woman left for work she’d tell her mother she loved her. But, the mother never answered.
One morning, after about 3 months, the daughter was late for work and rushed out of the house. Her mother went to the door and yelled out: “You forgot something,”.
“What?” the woman asked.
“You forgot to say I love you.”
The woman and her mother embraced and cried. At that moment, they both began to heal.
2ndly – God loved us by finding a way to COVER our sins
1 John 4:10 tells us: “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”
Now, what does that word: “Atoning” mean?
One scholar I read said that the Greek word used here is “the equivalent for the Hebrew _kapporeth_, which means ‘covering,’ and is used (in the Old Testament) of the lid of the ark of the covenant”
In the Old Testament, the ark of the Covenant was kept in the Holy of Holies. Once a year, the High Priest would make a sacrifice for the sins of the people and he’d take the blood of that sacrifice and go inside holy of holies. There, he would sprinkle that blood on the “mercy seat” or the cover of the ark. When that was done, God considered the sins of the people to be “covered”. He wouldn’t look on their sins again.
When I John tells us that God loved us by sending his Son as an atoning sacrifice what He was declaring was that when we belong to Jesus
· When we believe that Jesus is the Son of God
· When we accept that we are sinners in need of forgiveness
· When we repent of our sins
· AND accept Jesus as the master of our lives
· AND are buried in the waters of Christian baptism
At that point, our sins are covered. God won’t ever look on our past sins ever again.
AND now in I Peter 4, God tells us that we get the chance to do the same for others
LOOK WITH ME to 1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
If you want to show God’s kind of love in your family you need to learn to find a way to “cover over a multitude of sins”.
Proverbs 17:9 says this a little differently: “He who covers over an offense promotes love…”
ILLUS: Grady Nutt used to tell the story of a family that invited a new preacher and his wife for Sunday dinner. The woman was uptight hoping that everything would go smoothly with the meal she had prepared. They had coached the kids on being on their best behavior.
But just after the prayer for the food, their 7 year old daughter accidentally spilled her tea all over the beautiful tablecloth. The girl was terrified, and the mother tried to hide her frustration.
But before the mother could do anything, her father sized up the situation and spilled his tea and started laughing. Slowly the preacher, his wife and finally the mother followed suit and did the same amidst the laughter.
The girl looked up at her father knowing that he had saved her from an embarrassing moment. He winked at her, and as she smiled and winked back at him, a tear slid down her face.
What had the father done?
He had “covered” that little girl’s “sin” by taking her guilt upon himself.
He deflected her shame by sharing it with her.
Isaiah 53:5 tells us that Jesus did the same for us: “He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”
That is what God wants to train us to do with others.
III. Now… how do I know if I have “covered” the sins of others?
I Peter says that we can know we have learned this by what are able to do for those in our family we have a hard time loving.
LOOK AGAIN at 1 Peter 4:9-10 “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”
You know you’ve covered the sins of your family when you can find a way to minister to them. But now, the key phrase here is: “WITHOUT GRUMBLING”
(Make grumbling and mumbling sounds that depict someone who is doing something under protest).
ILLUS: A man named Mike shared how he learned to put this kind of love into practice as a boy.
Apparently, he and his brother had a hard time getting along. Mike was deeply resentful of his brother because HE liked keeping things neat and his brother didn’t. It wasn’t that his brother was a pig…but he always seemed to leave his bed unmade. And left his clothing all over the floor.
Now, Mike struggled with this because it made him so angry and so he went to his youth minister who asked him a number of questions:
1. Are you a Christian? (Yes)
2. Did you realize that the Bible tells you - you should love your brother? (Yes)
3. How can you show your brother you love him?
Mike answered this last question by admitting he had no idea how to show his brother he loved him.
“What annoys you about your brother?” the Youth minister asked.
“He leaves his clothes all over the place” replied Mike.
“Well then… you can show love to your brother by picking up his clothes”
“OH NO” moaned Mike. “You can’t be serious.”
“Oh yes” he replied. “Now, what else annoys you about your brother?”
“He doesn’t make his bed” Mike replied.
“Well then… make his bed for him.”
Mike wasn’t happy with what they’d discussed, but he did have to acknowledge that this was the most obvious way he could show love to his brother. And in the back of his mind, he hoped that after he had done this for him long enough, his brother would get the hint, change his ways and begin to pick up his own clothes and make his own bed.
But he didn’t.
After about a week of this seemingly fruitless effort, Mike went back to his youth minister to complain that his brother wasn’t changing.
“This isn’t about your brother changing his habits” replied the youth minister. “This is about you changing your attitude towards your brother.”
“But how long will I have to keep doing this?” Mike asked”
“How long will he be your brother?” the youth minister responded.
At that point, Mike realized the lesson he was meant to learn. In order for him to create an atmosphere of love toward his brother… the love had to start with him. And the love had to involved “covering over a multitude of sins.”
God calls us to do unto others as He has done for us. It isn’t easy but once we learn this part of God’s will for our lives… it can begin to get easier.
CLOSE: Seminar speaker Bill Gothard told of a college student who asked him for help. He couldn’t seem to control his anger. And for 3 years Bill tried to help - with no apparent results.
Finally, Bill asked the boy to bring his family along with him to see if they could help in resolving this boy’s anger problem. When they arrived, it became apparent that the entire family had a problem with anger and they ALL needed help. It seemed they bickered and argued from the moment they entered his office. Bill said he’d never seen anything like it. This was a “Christian” family but they were the most argumentative people he’d ever met.
Gothard asked the family to go into his conference room and sit around a round table. Stalling for time until he could figure out how to deal with their argumentative spirit, Bill had them take several pieces of paper and list the following:
1. List what it would take to have a successful family.
2. List the last times you got angry
3. List the rights they felt they had as members of the family
As they wrote down their complaints, it suddenly dawned on him what was wrong in their lives. He read to them from Philippians 2:5ff and he pointed out that when Jesus saved us from our sins, He literally gave up His rights. He was God… and yet He set aside the rights of His Godhood in order to become mortal and die for our sins.
In Philippians 2 it tell us that we need to have this “same mind” in ourselves.
Did the family want to be like Christ?
They answered that they did, but they didn’t know how.
Bill pointed out that the complaints they had listed on their papers were actually declarations of the “Rights” in the family.
The mother had a RIGHT to have the kids pick up their clothes.
The father had a RIGHT to come home to an orderly home and a well cooked meal.
The kids had a RIGHT to have others respect their own “space” and privacy.
He then pointed out that if they were going to deal with their anger, they first had to deal with their “rights.” He suggested a 4 step plan:
1. They were to transfer their rights to God (these rights did have value so they weren’t “throwing them away.”)
2. They were to fulfill their responsibilities - teaching the children to be respecting of authority, but give away right to be “respected” and concentrate on earning that response.
3. Give Up rights and personal ownership.
4. Use further anger to detect unyielded rights. (Luke 9:23)
They then put their papers in the center of the table and dedicated the pile as an “altar” to God -offered up to Him for Him to use as He saw fit. Over the next few weeks the family was to have weekly meetings where they would discuss their problems in the home and use any anger as a red flag to unyielded rights… and after a several weeks, the anger and bickering began to flow away to be replaced with an atmosphere of love and respect that they all really wanted.
OTHER SERMONS IN THIS SERIES
Building a LOVE foundation - 1 Peter 4:7-4:11
One Simple Rule For Protecting Your Family - 1 Kings 11:1-11:13
Committing Family - Deuteronomy 6:4-6:13
Thanking Your Way to a Strong Family - Colossians 3:12-3:17
