Desperate Households
Dealing with Stress and Tension
Prov. 15:13-25
You will notice in this passage some negative words…
v. 13 sorrow
15 afflicted
16 trouble
17 hatred
18 strife
22 disappointed
These are all synonyms for stress and tension. They represent those times when the string gets too tight…and then it snaps!
Ill—guitar string can snap if too tight/balloon seems fine, it can take a little more, then boom!/volcano: beneath surface…fire! Pressure cooker boils over!
These are stressful times in which we live. And almost everyday you hear about another home where the string has snapped.
For example: did you know that an act of domestic violence is committed every 15 seconds in America? Scary, isn’t it? In 1/4th of all marriages, violence occurs at least occasionally. 20% of all murders take place w/in the family! Of those, 13% are committed against a spouse!
We used to say it’s a jungle out there. Now we’d have to say, it’s a jungle in here!
Stress in a home is like sand to machinery, and a marriage which should be smooth and efficient, instead begins to slowly grind away!
So, how do we reduce stress and tension in the home?
1. Learn to Laugh
15:13, 15
17:22 What is a broken spirit? Well, the spirit of a man is the wellspring of life, and when the spirit is broken, it means you’ve lost your zest, your enthusiasm, and you’re tempted to give up.
Laughter is a gift God has given to us, to release tension, and to keep our spirits from being broken in this sin-cursed earth. Acc’d to this verse, it’s one of God’s ways of keeping us healthy, emotionally and physically.
Medical science has proven that when you laugh, chemicals and enzymes are released in the brain which are extremely imp’t to the health of our vital organs.
Listen to part of an article from a secular magazine called Executive Digest: “Scientists have been studying the effects of laughter on human beings and have found, among other things, that laughter has a profound and instantaneous effect on virtually every imp’t organ of the human body. Laughter reduces unhealthy tensions, and relaxes the tissues, as well as exercising the most vital organs. Laughter, even when forced, results in beneficial effect on us, both mentally and physically. So, the next time you feel nervous and jittery, indulge in a good laugh.”
I don’t think I could ever possibly deal w/ the stresses and pressures of the ministry, if home were not a fun place to be. Kimberly will vouch for the fact that most of the time our home just rings w/ laughter…once in a while there are other sounds! But there’s just something wonderful in the air there…
This girl [my wife] gets giddy every night at 9! You say, I thought she was giddy at church! No, at church, she’s a “Goth” compared to home!
And the kids pick up on our spirits and join right in…they don’t even know what they’re doing sometimes, but they love the spirit! And our home is a place of laughter, a place of “playing”, games, chasing, walks, piles of leaves, etc.!
3 things you ought to give your children:
• Life
• Love
• Laughter
3 rules you ought to have for your home:
• Be fair
• Be firm
• Be fun
Learn to laugh…don’t take things so seriously…lighten up!
2. Cultivate Contentment
15:16, 17
vegetable plate/filet mignon
ill.—dad pulls up to little frame house in old car/kids run to meet him/enters: smells aroma of fried chicken, ocre, etc./no tablecloth, just placemats, no china, just mismatched dishes…some chipped, stainless steel silverware, paper napkins/dad reaches out and they all hold hands, he thanks God for their love and the food/amen…and dig in!/not in a dining room, just kitchen, but it rings w/ laughter/they tell about their day: hit homerun, dog chewed hair off my dolly.
--mansion w/ white columns out front, dad pulls up in BMW, kicks cat out of the way. No one comes out to meet him, they’re all in their rooms watching their private TV’s, playing on their X-Box or Nintendo/time to eat…long formal dining room, china, crystal, cloth/servants bring out ors d oeuvre’s, appetizers, soup du jour, salad, smoking roast./Dad eats as fast as he can, preoccupied, thinking about work/Mom has a face like a hatchet, she just knows he’s messin’ around w/ that secretary/surly, rebellious teenagers say nothing unless it’s sarcastic and cutting…
Which of these homes would you like to have? The first!
Not saying it’s impossible to have both, although it’s not common to have both.
If you want to have a happy home, you have to cultivate contentment. Live w/in your means. Financial stress will kill the spirit of a home…you don’t need that.
“Better is a dinner of herbs…”
Don’t even get on the treadmill of materialism, it doesn’t take you anywhere! (if only we had a bigger, nicer house, newer car…no, if you’re not happy w/ what you’ve got now, you wouldn’t be then, it has nothing to do w/ it.)
Phil. 4:11
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
I Tim. 6:8
And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.
Heb. 13:5
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have
We are blessed w/ a nice house, and some nice things…modest, but nice…but you know, we’re no happier than we were in that 2 room apartment, driving that little Cavalier with 180,000 miles on it! Now each of our cars are upgraded [only 140k miles on each!] We’re thankful for what we now have, but we know it doesn’t bring happiness w/ it…it’s all wood, hay, and stubble!
In Luke 12:15, Jesus said:
Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.
I Tim. 6
6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. 8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. 9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.
Cultivate contentment!
I know many people today have to work 2 jobs, and many hours, just to make ends meet…that’s ok, I’m not talking about making a living, and providing the basics…I’m talking about the tyranny of things, that prompts some people to go out seeking more money to buy more things, or to pay off what they already bought on credit, when they should be out in the yard teaching that boy to throw a baseball, or reading that book to that girl.
But many have to keep up w/ the Joneses’…we buy things we don’t need, w/ money we don’t have, to impress people that we don’t like!
So, learn to laugh, cultivate contentment…
3. Alleviate Anger
15:18
14:17
18:13 put mouth in gear before brain
29:20
The clear lesson here: the way to control anger is to control your mouth…your tongue!
Joke—I always get the last word…yes dear!
Last argument: I had her on her hands and knees…come out from under that bed and fight like a man!
Nothing will reduce stress and tension in the home like getting control of your words.
When you are mad, angry, upset (and those times will come) keep your mouth shut! “Be angry, and sin not!”
What we think: “maybe I will make my point better if I say it a little louder” (then they get louder) “or if I add some sarcasm or a cutting insult…then they’ll get the point!”
You say, but in the heat of that moment, I can’t control my mouth…oh yes you can!
Ill—argument (simulate)/phone rings/ (sweetly) hello!
You can control it if you want to!
Key:
15:1
Don’t take the bait! “I’m not biting” It ends there!
So, learn to laugh/cultivate contentment/alleviate anger…
4. Walk in Wisdom
15:21, 22, 33
The Bible says that God is not the author of confusion…if your home is characterized by confusion, understand that God is not in that! Strife and tension result when there’s confusion, when we’re not on the same page, when the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing…the result isn’t unity and harmony, it’s division, strife, tension, and stress!
Problems WILL arise on a daily basis, that’s normal, but wisdom begs us to start attacking the problem, together, in unity, and stop attacking each other.
Listen to Mt. 7
24 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: 25 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. 26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: 27 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
You can build your home on 1 of 2 foundations: rock or sand
The difference is whether or not you put Christ first in your life/marriage…that building on The Rock…and when the winds of adversity blow, and the waves of disappointment roll in, your house will be able to weather the storm.
That’s walking in wisdom!
And then you can build something beautiful together! On the foundation of Christ, if your salvation is anything more than just fire insurance to you, or a tradition, or a duty, if there’s any depth to your salvation at all, then on top of that rock foundation, you will build walls of worship, w/ studs of Sunday school and siding of Sunday night, windows of wed. night attendance. Paint the interior w/ peace, and carpet w/ contentment. Build a kitchen of kindness, and stock the shelves well in the pantry of purity…then hang a chandelier of charity. A hallway of holiness will often lead you back to a bedroom of bliss! And make sure and have that special room where the whole family can bathe in the lather of laughter. That fireplace of forgiveness will warm the atmosphere, and leads right up to the roof of repentance which will keep your whole family sheltered from the storms of sin. The blessings are right in your own backyard if you want them! And if you’ll build your house on the rock!
learn to laugh/cultivate contentment/alleviate anger/walk in wisdom
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http://gbcdecatur.org/sermons/DesperateHouseholds.html
