Summary: Commandment #7 - There are lots of myths about how Christians view sex. But what does the Bible really say about it? *HANDOUT INCLUDED*

For a CD of over 100 of sermons by Darrell Stetler II (most complete with handouts), please e-mail darrellstetler2@sbcglobal.net.

Adultery

‘‘You shall not commit adultery.”Exodus 20:14

Now, the word adultery specifically refers to a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse ¨C unfaithfulness once you are married. But the principle is much broader. God is telling us that he has guidelines for the sexual relationship. We’ve got a lot of singles here, and these principles that God has apply to all of us, not just those who are married.

So during this sermon, I’m going to focus on the broader picture of God’s guidelines for the sexual relationship.

Why should I preach on this?

The #1 thing in a large survey of churches that people wished pastors would preach more about is sex. So here we go. Actually, I think this is a very appropriate thing to be addressed by pastors! Never has everyone else been so open in talking about sex.

A father asked his eight-year-old son at dinner one evening, ‘‘What did you learn at school today?” The boy replied, ‘‘We learned how to make babies.” Struggling to keep his composure, Dad asked, ‘‘And how do you make babies?” The boy said, ‘‘Oh, it’s easy, you just drop the Y and add I-E-S.”

Fathers may still feel uncomfortable talking to their children about sex, but it is discussed openly almost everywhere else.

The sexual revolution has affected our country dramatically.

Dave Barry, a humor writer said, ‘‘When I was in high school, I would have killed for reliable information on the things that kids now sit around and discuss in class ¨C and hold up diagrams.”

A few decades ago, the pornography industry was relatively small. Let’s imagine. . . you combine the income of Major league baseball, basketball, football and hockey in the past 12 months. The pornography industry made more money than all of them combined!

In 1999, Cameron Barnes’published a book called, Affair! How to Manage Every Aspect of Your Extramarital Relationship with Passion, Discretion, and Dignity. The publisher described it as "a thoughtful, detailed discussion of every aspect of considering, preparing for, beginning, and conducting a successful and emotionally fulfilling extramarital affair."

Hear me. . . there is no such thing!

Judith E. Brandt has written a book called The 50-Mile Rule: Your Guide to Infidelity and Extramarital Etiquette. An interview with the Chicago Tribune included this interchange with Ms. Brandt:

Q: You say [in your book], don’t feel guilty. That doesn’t seem realistic.

Ms. Brandt: Guilt is basically something built into society to keep you in line. If you are going about your business in a discreet way and you are continuing to take care of your wife and, most importantly, your children, there is no reason to feel guilt.

This is utter baloney. Guilt is not from society, guilt is inner pain from God designed to keep you from further pain!

According to Dr. Lana Staneli, author of a book on marital triangles, ‘‘Of those who break up their marriage to marry someone else, eighty percent are sorry later. Of those who do marry their lover, which is only about ten percent, about seventy percent of them get a divorce. Of that twenty-five to thirty percent that stay married, only half of them are happy. Having an affair is an invitation to an awful lot of pain and tragedy.”

Source: Laura Schlessinger, The Ten Commandments: The Significance of God’s Laws in Everyday Life (New York: HarperCollins, 1998), 223-224.

Consequences of ‘‘free sex”:

Free sex is a myth. There is a price tag on it, and it’s not one that you and I will be glad we paid! Someone said, ‘‘If you sow the seeds of free sex, you better pray for a crop failure.”

Right here in Oklahoma City, several years ago, a group decided to crack down on pornography and adult businesses. During that period, over 100 adult business, video stores, and strip clubs were shut down. During that period of time, rape dropped 20%, while going up 25% nationwide during the same period ¨C a 45 POINT SPREAD!

That tells me and you that there is a direct relationship between ‘‘free sex” and all kinds of things we don’t want. You cannot encourage free sex without promoting things like rape, incest, and sexual abuse. It simply isn’t possible.

I want you to talk back to me for a minute. Let’s list some consequences of having a sexual relationship

¡ñ Missing Heaven

¡ñ Emotional problems

¡ñ Unwanted pregnancy

¡ñ Regret

¡ñ Emotionally disturbed children

¡ñ Bad reputation

¡ñ Sexually Transmitted Diseases

¡ñ Leaving one partner feeling used.

¡ñ increased chance of sexual addiction.

¡ñ bondage to sin.

When you play around sexually, you leave pieces of your soul with this person and with that person.

Satan advertises sexual freedom, and pays off in bondage. When perverted and illicit sex becomes an idol, you will experience Satan’s bondage, rather than the liberty that God has designed for His gift.

Myths about Christians and sex:

Myth #1: Christians think sex is dirty.

We do not.

Sex is one of the most powerful things God ever created. That’s right ¨C God created sex. It was his idea all along.

Sex is not something like God created men and women and then walked away, and then looked back and went, ‘‘HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!! GET OFF HER!!!”

You have ravished my heart, my treasure, my bride. I am overcome by one glance of your eyes, by a single bead of your necklace. How sweet is your love, my treasure, my bride! How much better it is than wine! Your perfume is more fragrant than the richest of spices. Your lips, my bride, are as sweet as honey. Yes, honey and cream are under your tongue. . . You are like a private garden, my treasure, my bride! You are like a spring that no one else can drink from, a fountain of my own.” Song of Solomon 4:9-12 (NLT)

Solomon was the most unrepressed brother you’ve seen. . . This doesn’t sound like someone who thinks what he’s talking about is dirty or shameful. He sounds like he’s pretty into it!

Myth #2: Christians think sex is only for having children.

If I had a good buzzer sound effect, I’d use it here! WRONG!

‘‘Now about the questions you asked in your letter. . . because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband.”

1 Corinthians 7:1-3 (NLT)

"Oh, how delightful you are, my beloved; how pleasant for utter delight! You are tall and slim like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of dates. I said, ’I will climb up into the palm tree and take hold of its branches.’ Now may your breasts be like grape clusters, and the scent of your breath like apples. May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine, smooth and sweet, flowing gently over lips and teeth." Song of Solomon 7:6-9 (NLT)

WOOOOOW!! What is stuff like this doing in the Bible?

Do you get the feeling that Solomon was looking at his bride and saying, ‘‘Let’s get this over with so the human race can go on”???????

He was doing the righteous response as a married man who looks at his wife! It was right and holy to say what he was saying ¨C and to do what he was about to do!

You know why? Because he was doing it in God’s framework!

What DO Christians believe about Sex?

I want you to write any questions you may have on your extra piece of paper your received. Next Sunday, I may be doing something very different. I want you to write down any questions you may have, and if I can answer them in public, I will next Sunday. If I can’t, we’ll work something else out. So write down questions:

* What about this. . .

* What does God’s word say about this aspect of sex. . .

* What if I’ve been the victim. . .

* What can I do about my mental sexual addiction.

That will help guide what I talk about next Sunday. ***I will not share any names!!!!****

Sex is a beautiful and wonderful gift of God when used in the right framework. What is the right framework?

‘‘God established guidelines, not because He’s down on sex, but because He’s up on life.” ~ Doug Fields

1. Sex in the context of real relationship.

‘‘His mouth is most sweet, Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my love, And this is my friend...” Song of Solomon 5:16 (NKJV)

Sex goes way beyond the physical.

After a person who has been molested or raped heals physically there are wounds. . . They’ll tell you. I have a close friend who was molested as a child. My friend will tell you today that there wounds that go far deeper than physical damage.

We have only one word: LOVE. And it gets so tired. We love coffee. We love our favorite TV show. We love the Sooners or the Cowboys. (Or Texas.) We love . . . . our wife too! :-)

In Hebrew, the language the Old Testament was written in

Hebrew: Three words for Love:

Rayah - companionship (‘‘I know you, both good and bad. And I still love you.”)

2. Sex in the context of marriage commitment.

Marriage should be honored by everyone, and the marriage bed must be kept pure; but sexually immoral people and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4

‘‘...I found him whom my soul loves; I held on to him and would not let him go...” Song of Solomon 3:4 (NLT)

Ahavah - total commitment (‘‘I’m not going anywhere.”)

Notice that I didn’t say ‘‘commitment.”Even people and books that teach abstinence today are saying that sex should be saved until you are in a ‘‘committed relationship.”

There is only ONE relationship God considers committed enough to access this awesome and powerful privilege of sex -- a marriage relationship.

Rarely has sex been so divorced from relationship and commitment.

When sex is divorced from relationship and commitment, all that is left is technique.

Go through the checkout line. . . what do you see? Magazines: Cosmo, etc. etc. What’s the big article feature that’s talked about on the cover? ‘‘Men Tell what they Really Love” ‘‘Touch Him Here” ‘‘7 Hot Tricks to Make Him Scream for Mercy”. . . Go to the bookstore: Shelves and shelves of ‘‘How to Be a Great Lover” etc. etc.

You know why? Because when we remove sex from relationship and commitment of marriage, there’s nothing left but technique.

I’m not saying these books are wrong ¨C I own a couple myself.

I’m saying that without a marriage commitment, it doesn’t satisfy. It has utterly failed to quench the thirst that people have for love. . . despite the articles and books and manuals... it hasn’t cured our loneliness.

If you’re into pain, and shame, and disappointment, and loneliness . . . then get into sex without the right framework ¨C the marriage commitment.

If you’re into more shame and pain, then just cheat on your spouse!

Here’s my goal for every one of you today (and God’s goal):

I want you to view sex like God does. It’s very wrong outside of the right framework, but it’s SO VERY RIGHT inside the right framework.

3. Sex in the context of complete, tender sharing.

‘‘How fair is your love, My treasure, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love.” Song of Solomon 4:10

The Hebrew word for love here is the 3rd one: DOD. (Doad) Say that with me: DOD.

This word means ‘‘to caress, to fondle, to mingle souls.”

This means that total sharing, total mingling is right and good for those who are following God’s way.

‘‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:7 (NKJV)

There’s no guilt.

There are no consequences.

Nothing’s off-limits.

Nothing’s illegal, as long as both husband and wife want it.

Total sharing. Complete openness.

Wow.

If that sounds good to you, you need to get on God’s bandwagon. Because you never get there following your own path ¨C it’s only found in the framework God designed to support this awesome gift.

__________________________________--

Now, I need to take a few minutes here and address another set of you.

Some of you are saying ‘‘Oh, no. I’ve blown it. I’ve been off God’s path for so long. . . I’m dealing with consequences BIG-TIME!”

You’ve got serious questions. Does God even have a plan for me now? How can I get rid of the regret and guilt? What

I am here to talk to you today. I want to tell you this:

There is forgiveness. There is a fresh start.

You can’t go back and undo what’s been done. But you can start over with God. I want to share with you a story from Scripture to close with.

John 8:3 Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst,

4 they said to Him, "Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act.

5 "Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?"

6 This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear.

7 So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first."

8 And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, "Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?"

11 She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said to her, "Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more."

I know I’m talking to some who (though no one else caught you) God saw you in the act of adultery.

__________________

HANDOUT

__________________

Sex

Putting God’s gift in the framework He designed...

”You shall not commit adultery.”Exodus 20:14

Consequences of sexual relationships outside of marriage:

Myths about Christians and sex:

Myth #1: Christians think sex is _____________.

You have ravished my heart, my treasure, my bride. I am overcome by one glance of your eyes, by a single bead of your necklace. How sweet is your love, my treasure, my bride! How much better it is than wine! Your perfume is more fragrant than the richest of spices. Your lips, my bride, are as sweet as honey. Yes, honey and cream are under your tongue. . . You are like a private garden, my treasure, my bride! You are like a spring that no one else can drink from, a fountain of my own.” Song of Solomon 4:9-12 (NLT)

Myth #2: Christians think sex is only for ____________ _______________.

‘‘Now about the questions you asked in your letter. . . because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband.”

1 Corinthians 7:1-3 (NLT)

"Oh, how delightful you are, my beloved; how pleasant for utter delight! You are tall and slim like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of dates. I said, ’I will climb up into the palm tree and take hold of its branches.’ Now may your breasts be like grape clusters, and the scent of your breath like apples. May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine, smooth and sweet, flowing gently over lips and teeth." Song of Solomon 7:6-9 (NLT)

Solomon’s words are good, because they are in the right ______________.

‘‘God established guidelines, not because He’s down on sex, but because He’s up on life.” ~ Doug Fields

Sex is a beautiful and wonderful gift of God when used in the right framework. What is the right framework?

1. Sex in the context of real _________________.

“His mouth is most sweet, Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my love, And this is my friend...” Song of Solomon 5:16 (NKJV)

Hebrew: Rayah - _____________________ (“I know you, both good and bad.”)

2. Sex in the context of ____________ ________________.

Marriage should be honored by everyone, and the marriage bed must be kept pure; but sexually immoral people and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4

“...I found him whom my soul loves; I held on to him and would not let him go...” Song of Solomon 3:4 (NLT)

Hebrew: Ahavah - total ___________________ (“I’m not going anywhere.”)

When sex is divorced from relationship and commitment, all that is left is technique.

3. Sex in the context of ____________, tender __________.

“How fair is your love, My treasure, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love.” Song of Solomon 4:10

Hebrew: Dode. - “to __________, to fondle, to mingle _____________.”

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:7 (NKJV)