Overcoming Pornography
I mentioned last week
that today is Porn Sunday,
when hundreds of churches across our nation are going to be talking about how to overcome the problems of pornography.
So this morning I want to talk about the dangers of and how to get free from pornography.
I know its an uncomfortable topic.
That’s the whole reason that hundreds of churches this morning are setting aside a day to talk about it.
Because we’d really rather not,
we’d really rather ignore it,
but its an increasingly important issue,
that families and churches and Christians
cannot ignore.
Men, I’m talking primarily to you this morning,
because though pornography does have a huge impact on women,
women are usually the victims and not the users.
To start with, did you know that some of the best business minds in the country are working really hard to get you and your sons hooked on pornography,
because there’s huge money to be made.
60 Minutes did a story on this recently.
and brought out some interesting facts:
From 1973 - 1999 the revenue generated by the pornography industry increased 1000 fold.
The sex business in America has revenues of more than $10 billion/yr.
which is more than the combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises or the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC
Also more than all the movie revenue generated in the U.S.
Two of the biggest distributors of pornography, are
DirecTV Satellite network sells more graphic sex films than does Hustler pornographer Larry Flynt.
EchoStar Communications, the No. 2 satellite provider, makes more money selling sex films than Playboy does.
Every night, between the peak hours of 9 p.m. and 1 a.m., about 250,000 Americans pick up the phone and dial a number for commercial phone sex.
Of course, the Internet is the number one source of Porn.
About 25% of all search engine requests are for porn of some level!
and Americans will spend about $320 million this year at fee-based pornography web sites.
Average age of first exposure to porn is 11,
and the 12-17 age group is one of the highest consumers of internet porn.
Playboy’s web site alone now averages about five million hits a day. And these aren’t just at night-time.
This has become a big problem for businesses.
A study by Nielsen Media Research showed -
In just one month, employees from IBM, Apple and AT&T visited the Penthouse website 12,823 times.
Compaq Computer dismissed 20 employees, each of whom had accessed sex-related Web sites more than 1,000 times.
What impact is all this having?
Psychologists and Counselors see a direct link between this increased use of pornography,
and their increased caseloads of marriages affected by pornography,
and increased caseloads of victims of pedophilia and rape.
Make no mistake,
we are in the middle of a battle,
one that very much impacts Christian families and churches.
This is spiritual warfare. Satan wants to keep people in slavery and bondage
because he knows that if he can get you addicted to pornography,
that God will never be able to use you fully,
and you will miss out on God’s purpose for your life.
So lets look at some steps to overcome
the temptation of pornography.
The first step,
1) CONFESS TO ANOTHER PERSON THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
James 5:16 NIV
Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.
Confessing that you’ve got a problem is the first step,
and its also the hardest step.
You see, pornography is a secret sin.
If it wasn’t secret, it would have little power.
Take for example a Christian man,
a loving father,
trying to be a good husband,
and he sits down at his computer,
and is tempted to visit a porn website.
If he knew that his wife and kids
would instantly know what he was doing,
he wouldn’t go there,
and those websites would go out of business.
The power of pornography is its secret,
and so the first step to destroying its power,
is to confess to another person,
so that its not a secret any more.
Now before you confess something,
you need to understand what the sin is.
And there are
3 Common Myths About Lust
The first myth is that
a) Simply thinking or looking is not a sin
When I was younger I had a friend who had a real problem with checking out every woman that walked by,
and he’d tell me,
It doesn’t hurt anything if I window shop,
as long as I don’t try on the merchandise.
Believe it or not,
the men in Jesus’ day had the same excuses.
Even the religious leaders.
The Pharisees thought that as long as they didn’t commit adultery, they could think about it all they wanted to.
But Jesus told them, Matt 5:27-29
"You have heard that it was said, ’Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. What is he saying?
Jesus is telling us,
there can only be one legitimate object of your sexual affection,
and that is your spouse.
It doesn’t matter if you’re looking lustfully,
or thinking thoughts,
or acting on those thoughts,
the object or your sexual attraction must be your wife,
and if its not, its sin.
You see,
Jesus knew that
men are primarily tempted through their eyes.
Women can also be tempted that way,
but not to nearly the same extent as men.
That’s why Job took a strong stand in order to live in purity:
Job 31:1 NIV
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.”
That’s the only way to defeat sexual temptation,
is you refuse to even take a second look.
In our society today,
we are surrounded by sexual images.
Its nearly impossible to shelter your eyes
from sexual images.
We see it on the TV screen,
In the supermarket checkout line,
Billboards,
lingerie ads,
emails on our computer,
you name it,
You cannot prevent yourself from being tempted.
But you can prevent yourself
from taking a second look,
and from dwelling on it.
Job said, I made a covenant.
When I see a woman,
and I’m tempted,
I’ve got a contract with my eyes,
that I immediately look away,
and I don’t look back,
I don’t look lustfully.
Remember temptation isn’t a sin,
but dwelling on it is.
Its when you take the 2nd look and start to imagine things,
and the lust kicks in,
then its got you.
Martin Luther said, “You can’t keep a bird from flying over your head, but you can keep him from building a nest in your hair”.
The 2nd Myth,
b) Sexual lust is an essential part of being a man The enemy, Satan, would love for you to think that,
because if he can keep you thinking its normal,
then he can keep you defeated,
discouraged and powerless in your Christian life,
full of guilt and shame,
and unable to be the real man that your wife and family needs.
The 3rd Myth:
c) Sexual lust is harmless as long as it is kept under control.
Its not harmless.
It is devastating to your life,
and to your family.
Let me read you one woman’s story about how harmless this is:
"My husband began using porn as a teenager. What was once an adolescent hobby became the “other woman” in our marriage. At first it was our intimacy that suffered. Then, his pastime grew into an addiction which then started to include more serious forms like strip bars. He was often late coming home, with poor excuses. I noticed our money disappearing and never suspected he was spending hundreds of dollars a month to feed his addiction.
Me? I felt responsible, ugly, ashamed, alone and hopeless. Why would he look at another woman unless I wasn’t pretty or sexy enough? Friends rejected my idea that his porn use was ruining our relationship. They told me to be sexier, more sexually responsive and available so that he wouldn’t look elsewhere. I tried all these things only to find they didn’t work. I ended up feeling like a failure, as a wife and a lover. Now I know, it wasn’t me.
When we got help I found out his pornography use began before our marriage, as far back as his youth. Not only was it not my fault -- it had nothing to do with me at all. After much counseling, we both understand that he entered our marriage thinking I would cure all his sex problems. No wonder he was so disappointed and angry.
We’re still together. We are living proof that a pornography or sex addiction does not have to mean the end of your relationship."
Pornography is not harmless.
It is devastating to you,
It is devastating to your wife (and if you’re not married now, to your future wife)
and its devastating to your relationship with God.
So the first step is to confess it to someone,
and then take steps to work on it.
And I’m going to give you some steps today.
The next step is,
2) ASK AND THANK GOD FOR FORGIVENESS
1 John 1:9 says
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
We need to be forgiven and we need to be cleansed.
God will do both of those for us.
Because guilt and shame have only one purpose,
and that is to draw us back to God,
where we can be forgiven and cleansed.
Now on the other hand,
if we stubbornly refuse to admit our sin,
and refuse to confess it to God,
and ask for forgiveness,
then there are ramifications.
First, unconfessed sin:
1) Brings discipline from God
Heb 12:6 NLT
For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes those he accepts as his children."
God sees everything we do in secret and He will bring discipline and hardship into our lives,
if we continue in sin.
I am not saying that every time we have a problem or a hardship that God is disciplining us –
but if we know that we’re disappointing God,
and we rebel and go ahead and continue in sin anyway,
then we can fully expect discipline from God.
For the Lord disciplines those he loves
Don’t just assume that the problems and trials you’re having in other areas of your life,
are totally unrelated to your sin.
They might be,
but they might be part of God’s discipline.
Unconfessed sin: brings discipline, it also
2) Creates crippling guilt
Ps 38:4 NIV
My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.
Unconfessed sin produces ongoing guilt and shame that are not healthy,
and that can become a heavy burden
that destroys your joy and happiness.
But when we immediately ask for God’s forgiveness,
and ask him to cleanse us,
that guilt is dealt with once and for all.
So the first 2 steps are:
You confess to someone else,
Ask God for forgiveness,
Then the 3rd Step to Overcoming Pornography,
3) FLEE THE TEMPTATION
2 Timothy 2:22
Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
Timothy was a young man
Paul tells him how to handle the temptation of lust
and he makes it real simple.
Flee!
He says, get away,
run full speed,
don’t look back.
Flee.
One of the most dangerous and naive beliefs on this planet is that we can take words and images into our hearts and minds without being affected by them!
Why do you think that advertiser’s will spend billions of dollars on commercials?
They know that if they can put an image in your mind,
not only will that image stay there,
but it will affect your behavior.
Look at Matt 5:27-30 We read the first part part of this verse already.
but I want to continue on this time.
"You have heard that it was said, ’Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Then Jesus continues:
If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
Now Jesus isn’t telling us literally,
that we need to mutilate ourselves,
and cut off body parts.
But he is telling us to cut out any part of our life,
that’s leading us into sin.
I had a Christian friend in Chicago who used to walk home from work everyday,
and every day he’d walk by this adult bookstore,
with all type of pornography.
At first he hardly noticed it,
but then he’d start to glance in the window,
and eventually he started slowing down as he walked by,
and looking in the window.
And then one day without even planning it,
or thinking about it in advance,
his feet took him right inside,
to look at the pornography.
He didn’t flee.
What should have happened is,
the first time he noticed he was tempted,
he should have started walking home a different way.
Flee, get away from it.
If your cable TV has sex channels,
and you’re being tempted to watch them,
get rid of the cable.
Who cares if you can’t get ESPN anymore.
Don’t mess around,
That’s what it means to Flee.
Get it out of your life.
If you’re going places you shouldn’t on the internet,
do whatever it takes to flee that.
Get rid of your internet connection if you have to.
At the very least,
Don’t put your computer in a private room.
Put it out where everyone can see what’s on the screen.
If you’ve got teenage boys,
don’t even think about letting them have a computer in their room,
you are begging for trouble.
Install a filtering program, like Cyber Patrol.
Don’t rent the R rated movies that are going to cause you to lust.
If you you’re being tempted,
then have your wife filter the mail.
I told Kathy a few years ago,
you need to call Victorias Secret
and have them stop sending catalogues to our house.
You can shop there,
but I don’t want that stuff coming in the mail,
where I have to see it,
or my teenage boys see it.
For every temptation, there is a way to flee.
Don’t mess around with it,
cut it off, cut it out of your life.
Jesus said:
if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
SHOW VIDEO
1) Confess your sin to another person
2) Ask for God’s forgiveness
3) Flee the temptation
4) WALK IN GOD’S POWER
Galatians 5:16
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.
We need power to overcome sin.
Where does that power come from?
It comes from listening to God,
obeying God,
and then staying close to God.
I know that
God is speaking to many of you right now,
telling you that you need to change some things,
and your next step is to obey what he tells you,
and make the decision to do it,
not just to walk out of here and forget it.
You need to make a decision,
to fight and not give up.
One of my favorite books of all time, is
The Endurance.
The true story about Ernest Shackleton and his crew, who in 1914 set out to cross the continent of Antarctica:
But instead their ship, the Endurance,
became trapped in frozen ice off Antarctica –
They spent 10 months trapped on the ship – and then the ship was crushed by the ice,
so the crew had to abandon ship,
and set up tents on the floating ice.
After camping on the ice for five months, Shackletons crew made two journeys, in an open lifeboat
in freezing weather
across 800 miles of ocean.
They faced incredible problems and hardships,
but they refused to give up, they kept on fighting and fighting against incredible odds,
and ultimately every man in the crew survived,
not one was lost.
But they had to keep fighting,
and they did keep on fighting,
because the alternative was to quit, and die.
My choice, and your choice in the battle for purity,
is you can fight,
or you can quit fighting, give in, and die spiritually.
Your choice.
If you’re not sure you’re ready to make that choice,
to change, and fight,
then let me simply ask you, how long will it be?
How long are you going to stay trapped?
How long does your family have to wait?
How long before you can look God in the eye?
Is it going to take 10 years? Why 10, why not 5?
And if you can change in 5, why not 1?
Why not right now, today?
The longer you put it off, the harder it’ll be,
and the more of your life you’ll have wasted.
Preacher Steve Hill tells about his past:
I was a junkie. Cocaine up my nose, in my arm, I did it all. And God never delivered me from the desire and the love of drugs. He never did. What happened is that I DECIDED to never touch the stuff again.
Those of you who are into pornography may be asking God to take away your lustful desires. You are a man with hormones. You feel things. You have since you were a teenager, and you will until the day you die. You are attracted to the opposite sex.
I’m not saying that God cannot take the desire from you. He can. He’s just never done it in my life or the tens of thousands of people I’ve worked with over the years. They had to make a decision to not walk by magazine racks of adult magazines. They had to make a decision not to get on the internet. They had to make a decision to stay faithful to their wives and to their family.
All of us have to make that same decision.
There’s a story in 2 Samuel about Eleazar, who was one of King David’s top 3 warriors in his army.
It says
Then the men of Israel retreated, but Eleazar stood his ground, and struck down the Philistines till his hand grew tired and froze to the sword. The Lord brought about a great victory that day.
Eleazar refused to be defeated and enslaved.
Everybody else is running from the enemy,
but He made a decision, and said, I have had it with this running,
I am going to fight, until I either drop dead, or until I drop to the field in victorious exhaustion.
This is my moment to live or die.
I will not give up.
I’m going to win this battle.
2 Tim 1:6-7 NIV
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
Some of you might say,
well Ken, I want to be self-disciplined,
of course I want to be free from impurity.
In fact I’ve prayed about it 1000 times.
It just doesn’t seem to be God’s will to set me free.
Not God’s will.
Are you kidding?
Don’t blame God.
God’s will is for you and I to have sexual purity.
But he’s not going to magically fix it so we’re never tempted,
no matter how many thousands of times we pray.
What he wants is
at the moment I’m tempted to lust,
He wants you me take a stand,
and make the decision,
I am not going to give in,
I refuse to be a slave,
I have had it with this lust and guilt, and impurity,
and I am going to fight,
and I am going to win the victory,
and I will never give up.
But you can’t just make that decision at church on Sunday morning.
You have to make that decision,
over and over again,
every single time you’re tempted,
no matter if it’s a hundred times a day.
Now before we close,
I’m going to give you some tools to help.
Pull out your blue flyer, that says “Accountability Partner Commitment.
(READ)
If you fill this out,
we will match you up with someone else
(random, but somewhere close in age)
If you fill one of these out,
Doesn’t necessarily mean you have a problem with pornography.
It means you’re willing to help someone else.
I’d love to have some of you who’ve conquered this thing,
and who are living pure lives fill this out,
so you can help others in our church.
Fill this out right now,
and on the way out this morning,
drop it in the table at the back of the sanctuary
Here’s what your commitment will be.
You pray for the person you’re assigned.
You periodically communicate with them, by email, phone, whatever you want.
You maintain strict confidentiality about anything they share.
Install a program called X3 watch on your computer.
X3Watch is a free program created by the same organization that made the video we watched.
Download it from their website.
It simply monitors where your computer goes on the internet, and once a month it will automatically send an email to your accountability partner with any suspicious sites.
When you install this software, you don’t put in your name, or any info about you at all, you put in a password you make up,
there’s no way any third party can track this information, and you can uninstall it at any time. All it will do is monthly send that email to your accountability partner.
Let me give you a hint, parents,
I put this on our computers at home, that my 3 teenage boys use,
and have that monthly email sent to me,
because I want to know where they’re going on the internet.
Now I also installed CyberPatrol (internet filter)
(doesn’t eliminate it all, but gets all the worst stuff)
Not because I don’t trust them,
but I’m protecting them from stumbling across junk on the internet,
when they’re doing their homework.
Guys, if you’ve got a problem with the internet, you have your wife install this so that she’s the only one who knows the password that can override it.
Costs $40 a year per computer, which is well worth it.
Books:
Every Mans Battle
The absolute best book on the subject… In the bookstore.
Teens: Every Young Mans Battle
Rom 6:12-13 NLT
Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to its lustful desires. Do not let any part of your body become a tool of wickedness, to be used for sinning. Instead, give yourselves completely to God since you have been given new life. And use your whole body as a tool to do what is right for the glory of God.
