Summary: The role of children in the home is that of obedience and honor through Godly submission.


Listen to some statistics regarding family today:

 Every 8 seconds of every school day, a child drops out of school

 Every 26 seconds a child runs away from home

 Every 47 seconds a child is either abused or neglected

 Every 7 minutes a child is arrested for a drug offense

 Every 36 minutes a child is either hurt or killed by a gun


 In Coweta County, did you realize that there are over 270 kids in foster care.

 Reach foster care because of some type of crime

There is a breakdown in the home today. Over the last several weeks, we’ve been looking at the relationships of husband & wife, mothers, and today children. What’s interesting to me, is that of those that commented about what God had to say, not one of them saw the point of the whole passage. Rather than understand what Paul was saying, what I heard was a justification for their setup of family.

We all want to justify our way of living. We want to show we know what’s best when it comes to our marriage, our spouse, or our family. But tell me something, IF WE KNOW WHAT’S BEST, then why are 1 in 2 marriages ending in divorce? IF WE KNOW WHAT’S BEST, then why do we have those statistics?

The truth is WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT’S BEST and the condition of the family is proof of it. We have taken God’s Word and tossed it to justify a life lived without the control of the Spirit. Instead of “Being filled with the Spirit” (wisdom) as Paul says, we are “filled with self”.

OUR problem is that we DON’T LIKE THIS WORD SUBMISSION because it means that WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL.


But if not, if you are like me, and struggle with how to raise a Godly family in this mess of a world, then I challenge you this morning TO DIG WITH ME. SEARCH WITH ME SO THAT OUR FAMILIES WILL NOT BE ONE OF THE STATISTICS.

It was BILLY GRAHAM that said: “Children will invariably talk, eat, walk, think, respond, and act like their parents. Give them a target to shoot at. Give them a goal to work toward. Give them a pattern that they can see clearly, and you give them something that gold and silver cannot buy”.

What are your children taking from your example – Mom and Dad? What do they see? Do they see home the way God set it up? Or do they see one playing the other, cutting, picking, manipulating, arguing, fighting, misery, and everything God would not have them see? Yea man, they have a target!

Q: Mom’s & Dad’s! What voice are you obeying as a parent? Is it pop psychology? Is it the latest videotape series? Is it nothing at all but pure selfishness? Are you flying in life by the seat of your pants?

There is a Book out there that will help you parent. One that will help you not be one of the statistics. It’s the all time best seller – God’s Word. But it’s not the way of the world. It’s different. It’s against society. But it’s proven, tested, and secure IF WE WOULD BE TRUST IT’S VOICE.


Kids, a lot of today’s passage is directed to you giving you 2 Commands in your part of the family. You see, just like Mom and Dad, you too have a part.

I. (6:1) OBEY



The Greek for the word “OBEY” is an interesting one.

It carries the idea of a soldier listening carefully instructions from his commanding officer. It’s a word of action.

c. KIDS, Paul is addressing you directly here.

 Doesn’t say, “Parents, have your kids obey”

 The word “children” comes from the Greek “teknia”.

Doesn’t mean “little ones” as we think. It refers to any person living under the roof of a parent’s home.

APPL: Whether you or 9 or 19, 3 or 23, if you live under your parent’s roof, then you are a ‘teknia’. If you eat their food, use their bathroom, then this is the Word of God for you. OBEY YOUR MOM AND DAD.

2. How is this “obedience” to take place? “IN THE LORD”.

a. 5-18) “Be filled with the Spirit” –

• 19- being kind to each other (respectful)

• 20- being thankful for your parents – they are gifts

• 21- being submissive to them in the reverence of the Lord

3. Parents, think about this a moment:

a. If your kids are to obey you, then I have to ask: Are you obeying the Father as he displayed in verses 22-33. It that the example your kids see?

b. How can you expect them to obey you as in the Lord, if you don’t obey the Lord yourself?

4. “for this is RIGHT”

a. I love the ending. Obedience in the home is proper, it’s good, it’s wholesome, IT’S RIGHT.

APPL: ONE area that I’ve been concerned with the last few years is a wave of kids, not wanting to come to church. But what scares me most, is that PARENTS ALLOW THEM TO STAY OUT OF CHURCH.

They hear your excuses – OR you hear their excuses and give in – We all have excuses not to be in church. WHY SHOULD THEY BE ANY DIFFERENT?

Parents: Your job is to give your child the tools necessary to make the right decisions when they get out on their own. So what tools are you giving them?

Listen to these statistics taken from a University in SC:

 70% of college students admit to having engaged in sexual activity primarily as a result of being under the influence of alcohol, or to having sex they would not have had if they had been sober.

 60% of college women who are infected with a STD (sexually transmitted disease), including herpes and AIDS, report that they were under the influence of alcohol at the time they had intercourse with the infected person.

 According to the CDC, 1 in 1500 college students is HIV positive, and the fastest growing populations of American people infected with HIV are teenagers @ college away from home.

So you tell me parent: Are we giving our children the tools necessary to make the right decision? The faster growing population of American people infected with AIDS are teenagers. Hey, mom and dad, we are doing a great job! They didn’t have the self-discipline to say NO but we know what’s best for our kids!

APPL: Let’s get back to the basics!

 30 years ago, it wasn’t an option. If church was taking place – we were going. We need help teaching Paul’s command of “being filled with wisdom”. We need the church. That why God placed you here! Can’t you see that?

 Why? To help give our kids the tools necessary to make the right decisions when they get on their own.


II. (2-3) HONOR

Paul draws insight from the OT, the 5th Commandment.

READ Deut. 5:16

a. “honor your Father and Mother” – WHY? Because there is a promise attached.

 You think you have it tough listening and obeying your parents today? In that day, if a kid messed up, they could and would stone him right there! There was the Roman law called the “patria potestas” and it referred to the Father’s power. Under the patria potestas, a Roman father had absolute power over his family.

He could sell them as slaves, he could make them work in the fields (even in chains), he could punish as he liked, and could even inflict death.

When a child was born, it was placed before its father’s feet, and if the father stooped and lifted the child, that meant that he acknowledged it and wished that it be kept. IF he turned and walked away, it mean the he refused to acknowledge it and the child could quite literally be thrown out.

In that light: the word “honor” literally means “to give value”

 So kids, you are to “honor” to “give value” to “cherish” your parents.

 They are God’s gift to you – to equip you – to prepare you for a world that you may think you understand – BUT the reality is that you don’t have a clue what you are in for.

 So Honor your parents – so that your days may be long – (Ephesians) so that “it may be well with you”.


Paul closes this section addressing the Dad.

a. He says “Fathers, do not provoke your children”

b. Some say this is referring to both parents and honestly, it can.

But here in context with the entire passage of submission, I see it referenced to the fathers.

 Follow the Entire Passage:

1. He began with wives directly, then husbands directly, then to children directly, and finally to DADS – to FATHERS.

2. It’s natural for moms to care about their kids – to do whatever the kids need done, to mend, support, and love them.

 There’s something about that 9-month head start.

 There’s something about the Mom birthing that child. A natural bond.

A Mom as we discussed last week also has that tender loving caring side of her. I believe that’s also proof that while the husband may be the head, it’s team work that God’s after because they each bring a lot to the table.

 But not so with Dad. Not so natural – not a natural bond – We have to work a little harder.

That being said, I think the application of the verse applies to BOTH PARENTS.

c. There are a lot of ways that we can provoke our children to a disastrous finish:

 Smother them. Never give them a chance to take chances.

 Favoritism – Favoring one child over another.

 Comparison – Always comparing another child in front of each other

 Expectations – Pushing their achievement beyond reasonable bounds.

 Discouragement – Always knocking down – Raising by intimidation.

 Maturity – Failing to let them grow up in a normal life.

 Abuse – Physical and verbal

d. Paul says that instead we are to  “bring them up in training and admonition”

 Paul ends this section with a positive command: TRAIN and NURTURE

1. Instead of provoking them, “TRAIN and NURTURE THEM”

 You may be surprised at the root of both words. It literally means to discipline them.

 It’s the same word found in Hebrews 12.5b & 6

Correction, reproof, and encouragement.

a. Parents, we need to realize that a lack of discipline can actually serve to “provoke” our children in the long run. They get confused pictures.

b. Yes, discipline (not abuse) your children – Because you love them.

c. I know. Some of you are saying, “but pastor we are in a different world today”. To that I say, “You are right. My gosh are you right. And it’s not working.

• 52-62% of all first marriages will eventually end in legal

divorce. Untold others will experience emotional divorce and unsatisfying relationships.

• 60% of all remarriages eventually end in legal divorce.

• 43% of all marriages are remarriages for at least one of the adults.

• 65% of remarriages involve children from the prior marriage and form stepfamilies

We need to get back to God’s way of raising our children, of building the home.


Family is tough today. And hey DADS, MOMS – We blow it sometimes don’t we. We make mistakes.

 We get married thinking it’s going to be heaven to find out….

 We think our spouse is perfect until we wake up that next morning to find they are human

 We think having children is going to be great – Nothing hard about it.

1. Husbands/Wives/Parents - We make mistakes. What’s important is to realize that it’s never to late in God’s eyes.

 Yes, love your children, Nurture them, Train them – BUT DON’T FORSAKE YOUR MARRIAGE. You became one with your spouse. You can’t ignore that gift – That, if anything, shows your children a UGLY and WRONG picture of marriage – They will be the same – They will follow your example.

 I heard another pastor say that many divorces come when the children are up and gone. Because the parent placed so much attention to the children, they forgot their spouse and when the children were gone, they found themselves to be living with a stranger – because they neglected God’s order of the home.

 Oh yes, it’s a hard assignment to find that happy medium. But if you want a happy, joyful, peaceful home, set it up God’s way!


 You think it’s all about you. You think life is going to be great.

 Man, being popular – being accepted – it’s awesome isn’t it?

 “why can’t mom or dad understand?” Why won’t they let me…

Obey – Because they have been where you are. They have learned that life is not the bed of roses you think it is. Yes obey your parents – as in the Lord - because it is right

Honor – Because they’ve earned it. Yes, times are different than the days of the Israelites. God for you – times are different.

They deserve your Honor and Respect for what they have sacrificed for you! DON’T THEY?

A few years ago a Mother, because of her addiction to drugs, took her 3 children and dropped them off on the front porch of her divorced husband. After a few days, the husband gathered them up, and took them to DFAC and told the counselor, I don’t want them. They are too much trouble.

 One child today is living in a foster home.

 Second child is living in a girls shelter.

 Third child is living in a boys group home and has been moved 4 times in the last 6 months.

 Neither child has seen either of their parents in over 2 years and neither has seen their brother/sister since their father dropped them off at DFAC.

You see, NOT ALL parents determine that their children are worth the sacrifices that have to be made. So what do you think – Do they deserve your honor, respect, and love for what they’ve given up for you? Do they deserve your attention when they say they know what’s best for you?

Submission – Godly submission. To love a wife, a husband, a parent, the way God intended, one must be filled with the Spirit - through submission. Submission that shows that another is more important than we are.


It’s all about Submission!