Surviving Conflict Series (Part 2 of 3)
(Sermon concept & some content from Rick Stacy)
Surviving Conflict in Your Tribe
Col. 3:1-10, 12-13, 18-21, 25
Sept. 24, 2006 FBC, Chester Mike Fogerson, Pastor
Introduction:
A Survivor is all about building relationship within a tribe, which for 40 days is a family of sorts.
1 Pain is seen . . . real.
a The pain/conflict within our families often creates the deepest wounds in our souls.
b Can’t be explained, only understood by those who have felt it.
aa Relate to the memories of a man (now husband/dad) of being lifted off the ground by his shirt by his alcoholic dad. Only told 2x’s he was loved.
bb Relate to the woman to who recalls years of sitting @ home w/ toddlers, cruddy pots in sink, 1k’s of toys in floor, husband comes home, criticizes supper, flops on couch and never offers encouragement/affectionate touch.
cc These memories go WAY beyond their moment.
2 Being called stupid, unwanted, loser, any other name that hurts your feelings, heart, and self-esteem. FAMILY CONFLICT HURTS.
a We’ve all got conflict in our families. (Some are better @ not talking about it:)
b (IL) One Sunday a minister was finishing up a series on marriage. At the end of the service he was giving out small wooden crosses to each married couple. He said, "Place
this cross in the room in which you fight the most and you will be reminded of God’s commands and you won’t argue
as much."One woman came up after the service and said, "You’d better give me five."
B Col. 3:1-10, 12-13, 18-21, 25
1 Paul told the early believers that with their new relationship with Christ came new ways to relate to others (essence of the text in a sentence).
a Healthy familial relationships are more likely to happen when people are in a healthy relationship with Jesus (essence of the sermon in a sentence).
b I pray my listeners will have the basic strategy to dealing with family conflict (objective).
2 What are you going to do with the strategy you learned? (Probing question)
a Let’s look at two parts of a biblical strategy to dealing with family conflict (transitional sentence).
b Pray
I The first part of the biblical strategy to dealing with family conflict has to do with our hearts.
A Paul taught that there should have been funerals for many dead parts of the believer’s former way of living (v. 5 & 8)
1 He gave three categories of these former ways of living:
a Perverted passions (v. 5)
aa Immorality (illicit sexual behavior), impurity (unclean thought/deed), passion (lust), evil desire (consumes you), greed (want more pleasure/possessions).
b Hot tempers (v. 8) (G. Campbell Morgan called them "sins in good standing")
aa Anger (nursed), wrath (blow up), malice (want someone to suffer), slander (gossip, tear down), abusive speech (bad language, course, obscene).
bb Good standing? We’d be shocked if a church member committed a sexual sin, but we watch him lose his temper at a business meeting and call it "righteous indignation".
c Sharp tongues (v. 9) The devil is the father of lies, & when we lie we’re cooperating/working with the devil; when you speak the truth in love you’re cooperating with the Spirit of God.
2 These former ways must go!
a (IL) A doctor can talk to me all day about my burst appendix, but to cure me, he must remove it, a gardener can talk about the necessity of weeding to have a beautiful garden, but in order to have the beautiful garden he’s going to have to pull some weeds.
b We can talk about sin all day long, but ultimately it must be removed.
B As these dead parts are removed, they are to be replaced with what Jesus gave (v. 12-14).
1 If the previous list was one of "don’ts", then this is one of "dos".
a Do put on a heart of...
aa Compassion (sympathy for those in need), kindness (compassion with hands/feet), humility (humble people don’t think less of themselves, they just think of themselves less)
bb Gentleness (gentleness is not weakness, it is power under control, also refusing to demand your rights).
cc As Americans, we demand our rights! (Unfair, unjust, uncivil). The Bible is telling us sometimes unfair, unjust, uncivil things will happen to us.
dd It means we don’t have to go for blood every time we’re treated less-than-fair. I have the right to, but it doesn’t mean it’s the right things to do.
• Not talking about criminal injustice done toward you (rape, etc)
• Not treated fairly, not taken seriously, not heard...doesn’t mean you always have to go to war.
ee Patience (long fuse), bearing with one another (look for the best in people/no rush to judgment), forgiveness (the forgiven are obligated to become forgivers).
ff Love (love is the virtue that sucks all these virtues together).
2 These virtues must replace the old ways of life! (Not enough to stop doing the former things).
a In London a few centuries back, a man caught pickpocketing had his hand lopped off, 2nd offense had his other hand lopped off, & got arrested the 3rd time trying to pickpocket with his teeth!
b The surgery changed him physically, but it did not change his heart.
c It’s not enough to stop sinning, we must also start doing right.
3 What does this have to do with dealing with conflict in my family?
a If you change your heart, you’ll change your home.
b Let’s look at the second strategy to dealing with family conflict (transitional sentence).
II The 2nd part of the biblical strategy to dealing with family conflict has to do with our homes.
A Paul gave two sets of relationships that were affected by a godly heart.
1 Husband/wife Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
a The wife whose heart is right with God will submit to the call to recognize & respond to the God-ordained authority (fitting in the Lord) of her husband.
aa Submission does not diminish the equality or destroy the dignity of the wife-he’s not better than you. (IL) Jesus, equal to the Father, submitted. (1 Cor. 11:3, 15:28; Phil. 2)
bb The man has the responsibility of leadership & headship in the home.
cc Headship is not dictatorship or lordship; headship is loving leadership.
b The husband has been given a lot of responsibility, yet is not to treat wife like a "subject."
aa The husband is to show agape love & tenderness to his wife (regardless of what it costs to you).
bb He is not to harbor ill feelings toward her for something she did or did not do (responsible for home, yes! Also responsible not to be overbearing, critical, or bitter).
2 Children/parents Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.
a Obedience is the simple process of: 1) hearing, 2) understanding, 3) responding,
aa When children obey mom & dad, Jesus is pleased.
bb It is sad when children who are professing Christians rebel against their parents, because they rebel against the Lord at the same time.
cc The child that does not learn to obey his/her parents is not likely to grow up obeying any authority (teachers, police, employers-anyone else).
b Dads, just as your responsibility doesn’t mean you can be harsh with your wife, it carries over to your kids.
aa Embittered, when we "overcorrect" or "harass" to the point where we break their spirit.
bb Embittered kid thinks, "I’ll never get it right, all he does is criticize" or, "He’ll never leave me alone."
cc Christian parents should be sure their children are as sure of their love as they are of their authority.
3 How do we build happy marriages/homes?
a It starts with you!
aa There is a reason Paul told us to put off & put on.
bb Only then can we be a godly husband, wife, child
b Easy to put the blame, burden on them-what if we put it on us?
c What if the way we are to diminish the conflict in our families IS us sowing the sin conflicts in our own heart?
aa It’s hard for us to be in conflict if we are living in v. 12-14. So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
bb All we can be is faithful, steadfast...obedient.
d Consequences (scars) For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.
aa Scars are on my body because of: 1) my mistakes 2) other people’s mistakes
bb Scars are my consequences; healed (over them), numb
cc All we can do is the best we can do & the best we can do is the will of God.
dd What’s the will of God? So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
Conclusion
A Paul told the early believers that with their new relationship with Christ came new ways to relate to others (essence of the text in a sentence). Healthy familial relationships are more likely to happen when people are in a healthy relationship with Jesus (essence of the sermon in a sentence).
1 We’ve looked at two parts of a biblical strategy to dealing with family conflict.
a Pt. 1 Hearts
b Pt. 2 Homes
2 I pray my listeners will have the basic strategy to dealing with family conflict (objective).
a Choice 1: Jesus is Lord of all, or Jesus is not Lord at all.
b Choice 2: You’re either at the beginning or the end of the conflict in your family, either way...you’re right.
B What are you going to do with the strategy you learned? (Probing question)
1 Just before the outbreak of the First World War, a small ship named the Endurance set sail from Briton with a crew intent on being the first to cross the South Pole.
a The ship reached Antarctica, but became ice bound in the Weddle Sea. Soon they had to abandon their ship and the 28-man crew took to their lifeboats. They were trapped on the ice for over a year.
b A desperate decision was made to take four men in a 20-foot lifeboat across the roughest sea in the world to a whaling station on South Georgia Island some 800 miles away. At the helm was a man named Worsely.
c All he had to guide them that 800 miles to South Georgia Island was a map, a watch, a sexton, and a compass, but it was all he needed if he used them well. A mistake as minor as being off by only one degree would have proved disastrous.
d The four men in that boat endured seas that raged higher than a ten-story building. They were constantly cold and wet from the waves that constantly drenched the boat. They had only the most meager of rations.
e The journey did not take days, but two weeks. But Worsley, whose most sophisticated tool was a compass, managed to get that lifeboat the 800 miles to South Georgia Island and eventually the entire crew of the Endurance was saved.
f As a result, Worsley was a hero. The whaling captains who sailed those waters considered him one of the wisest navigators in the world. Worsley was brilliant, but all of his brilliance would have been worthless if he not used the compass.
g Worsley was wise because he used the compass to guide him. The ancients believed that there are two types of people in the world: people who are fools and people who are wise.
h Being wise is a matter of using the compass you’ve been given to get where you need to go. Fools choose not to use the compass.
2 What are you going to do with the strategy you learned? (Probing question)
3 Pray
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