With Friends Like This
1 Sam. 20
Pastor Stu Webber relates a story from his youth in 1967. We were at war with Vietnam. And there I was, at the U.S. Army Ranger School at Fort Benning, Georgia. I can still hear the raspy voice of the sergeant: "We are here to save your lives. We’re going to see to it that you overcome all your natural fears. We’re going to show you just how much incredible stress the human mind and body can endure. And when we’re finished with you, you will be the U.S. Army’s best!" Then, before he dismissed he announced our first assignment. We’d [braced] ourselves for something really tough-running 10 miles in full battle gear or rappelling down a sheer cliff. Instead, he told us: "Find yourself a…buddy," he growled. "You will stick together. You will never leave each other. You will encourage each other, and, [if] necessary, you will carry each other." It was the army’s way of saying, "Difficult assignments require a friend. Together is better."
It sounds as if someone in the military knew that proverb:
Pr 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
How many people would you list among your friends? Not just people you know, or those you work or go to school with- but people you would honestly number among your friends?
We have fewer friends than we imagine, but more than we know. - Hugo von Hofmannsthal
How do you know who your true friends are?
One of the best answers to that question can be found in the story of two friends named David and Jonathan. In some ways, there could not be any two people less likely to be friends, and yet somehow what would seem to have driven them apart draws them together. This morning I invite you to look with me in 1 Sam. 20 at a living example of Prov. 17:17 so that you and I can determine who our friends are, and how you can be the friend you should be, and enjoy the greatest Friendship that anyone ever had.
I. A FRIEND IS SOMEONE YOU CAN TURN TO IN TIMES OF TROUBLE (v. 1-23)
A fair-weather friend is one who is always around when he needs you. - Bob Phillips
You know that’s not true, don’t you? Friends are those who are there for us to turn to- they are …brothers/sisters who are born for adversity…In fact, isn’t it usually when hard times hit that we find out who our true friends are? That was certainly the case for David.
David is a man on the run. God has chosen Him to be King of Israel, but the current king, Saul, wants to kill him. David found temporary refuge the prophet Samuel, but now he needs someone to turn to who will help him figure out what his next move will be. Ironically, that friend David turns to is the son of the man who wants to kill him: Prince Jonathan.
It might seem odd that Jonathan thinks David is mistaken about his father’s murderous intentions. After all, Saul has tried to pin David to the wall before during one of his insane rages. Only Jonathan’s intervention had saved David’s life (1 Sam. 19:1-7).
But now David knows Saul is not in some passing rage- he is determined to see David dead. Only a step ahead of Saul’s assassins, David turns to the best friend he has to figure out what to do, and Jonathan does not let him down. So Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you yourself desire, I will do it for you.” (v. 4).
Together these two friends come up with a plan to see if David’s fears are founded. David suggests that he go back to Bethlehem and see his family instead of attending the New Moon feast with Saul and his cohorts. If Saul accepts his absence with no suspicion, they will know all is well. But if not, then Saul will reveal his hatred for him. Either way Jonathan will meet David back at this same place, and through signs during his archery practice he let him whether or not it is safe for him to return to Saul’s house.
But there is a tender moment recorded in vs. 13b-17: Jonathan seems to somehow know that David will someday be king, and he will not. He makes a covenant with David, not only man to man, but between kings. It was often the custom when one king would come to power that he would slaughter all of the family of the fallen king. Jonathan calls for David to honor their friendship not only by how he treats Jonathan, but how he will treat Jonathan’s descendants. (cf. v. 15). …indeed the LORD be between you and me forever.” (v. 23) Don’t forget me when I’m gone Jonathan says to his friend because I will never forget you.
You know a lot of people who might call themselves your friends, but how many people do you know you can turn to when you’re in trouble? How many folks could you pick up the phone right now and say, “I’m in trouble,” and they would come running? Those are your true friends, because a friend is someone you can turn to in times of trouble. Friends are born for adversity.
How many of us are that kind of friend? How many people can turn to you when they’re in trouble? If you want a friend like that, you have to be a friend like that. That’s the kind of friendship David and Jonathan had. That’s the kind of friendship you want, too, isn’t it?
Mr. Sam Rayburn was Speaker of the United States House of Representatives longer than any other man in our history. There is a story about him that reveals the kind of man he really was.
The teenage daughter of a friend of his died suddenly one night. Early the next morning the man heard a knock on his door, and, when he opened it, there was Mr. Rayburn standing outside. The Speaker said, “I just came by to see what I could do to help.” The father replied in his deep grief, “I don’t think there is anything you can do, Mr. Speaker. We are making all the arrangements.” “Well,” Mr. Rayburn said, “have you had your coffee this morning?”
The man replied that they had not taken time for breakfast. So Mr. Rayburn said that he could at least make coffee for them. While he was working in the kitchen, the man came in and said, “Mr. Speaker, I thought you were supposed to be having breakfast at the White House this morning.” “Well, I was,” Mr. Rayburn said, “but I called the President and told him I had a friend who was in trouble, and I couldn’t come.”*
A friend is born for adversity. Let me tell you something else about David and Jonathan that illustrates true friendship:
II. A FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO WILL NOT TURN ON YOU WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS AGAINST YOU (v. 24 -34)
Jonathan has many reasons to betray David. He has to confront them all when he goes back home to his father’s dinner table.
When they gather around to the meal, Saul sits in a corner with his back against the wall, where he can see everybody. Beside him sits General Abner, the king’s chief of staff. Who knows what plans Saul had for David if he had shown up for the meal? But David does not show up. Saul holds his rage in check, assuming there must be some good reason he’ll be here tomorrow! he thinks to himself. When David does not show up the next day, Saul questions the one person at the table who he knows is close to him: Jonathan. Saul says through gritted teeth Where is that son of Jesse? Why didn’t he come to supper? Jonathan tries to pass it off, explaining that he gave David permission to go back home for a festival with his family. This is where Saul loses it!
I will not translate the literal phrase Saul uses here in v. 30: …son of a perverse, rebellious woman… because you’ve probably heard someone say in English what he meant in Hebrew. What I want to point out is how Saul tries to make Jonathan turn against David by using shame, guilt, and greed.
Shame (v. 30b) …you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame…Everybody’s laughing at you for sticking up for that shepherd boy!
Guilt (v. 30c)….and to the shame of your mother’s nakedness? You are shaming your mother by shielding that traitor!
Greed (v. 31a) … For as long as the son of Jesse lives on the earth, you shall not be established, nor your kingdom. You will never sit on the throne as long as he lives!
It’s almost like Darth Vader, calling out to Luke Skywalker, “Join the Dark Side!”
But I want you to notice that Jonathan remains loyal to his friend. He speaks up for David, not because David has done wrong, but because David has done right. Jonathan is not a son trying to rebel against his father by sticking up for those no-good friends who lead him to do wrong. He is remains loyal to his friend, and to his father. In fact, even after David leaves, Jonathan stays with Saul, all the way to the end, when they both die together in battle. But Saul cannot see that now. His heart is so full of rage, he gives his own son what he once gave to David- the point of a spear. Though Jonathan escapes the spear, his own heart is torn into by his love for his doomed father, and his love for his fugitive friend.
Someone once defined a friend as one person who comes in when the whole world has gone out.”
There are lots of folks who will stick with you when you have money, or when you’re doing well. There are plenty of people who sing your praises when you’re on top, but forget your name when you reach bottom. Whatever you want to call these folks, they are not your friends.
A few years back Pepper Rodgers was in the middle of a terrible season as football coach at UCLA. It even got so bad that it upset his home life. He recalls, "My dog was my only friend. I told my wife that a man needs at least two friends and she bought me another dog."
Isn’t loyalty one of the tests of friendship? I’m not talking about the loyalty of those who do wrong- even thieves stick together when they face the police.
But you want your friends to speak up for you when everyone else s bad-mouthing you. A true friend is not a back-stabber- they are willing to stand up under pressure, and stand with you even when everyone else stands against you. Others may kick you when you’re down, but a true friend reaches down to pick you up. That is what it means when the proverb says, “a friend loves at all times.”
How many people do you know who are like this? Willing to stand up to the crowd when the crowd stands against you? Willing to risk themselves for your sake?
How many of us are that kind of friend to someone else? How many people can count on you remain loyal when others turn against them?
That’s the kind of friend you need to have, and that’s the kind of friend you need to be. So called “fair weather friends are a dime a dozen. But a friend who will not turn on you when everyone else is against you is a true friend and a treasure.
One last lesson on friendship David and Jonathan teach us is
III. A FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO WILL ALWAYS TELL YOU THE TRUTH, EVEN WHEN IT HURTS. (v. 35-42)
The best way to lose a friend is to tell him something for his own good.
You might feel that way sometimes, but really, anyone who is truly your friend will risk making you angry to tell you the truth- even when it hurts.
I imagine Jonathan did not get much sleep that night, thinking about his father’s insane rage, and his friend’s desperate dilemma. What would he do? If he saved David, would call it betrayal; but he could not let David be murdered by his father.
At dawn, with a heavy heart, Jonathan and a little boy went out to where he was to meet David for some target practice. Jonathan went through the motions, conveying the message to David his danger, and sent the boy back home with all of his weapons. Jonathan has faced the truth about Saul, and now he has admitted the truth abut his father to David. But Jonathan could not leave without a personal goodbye to his beloved friend.
David creeps out of hiding and bows down before Jonathan in a symbol of respect and gratitude. Jonathan kisses David, in the custom of friends in those days. And these big strong, battle hardened men break down and cry like babies. As much as they wish things are different, they both face the hard truth that they must go their separate ways.
Yet they cannot leave without reminding each other of their covenant made before the Lord, that their friendship would continue, even after death. “Go in peace, since we have both sworn in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘May the LORD be between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants, forever.’ ” (v. 42)
The truth is sometimes hard enough to face alone, but it is only your friends who will tell you the truth, even when it hurts. Your friends are not just the “yes-men” (or “yes-women”) who always tell you what you want to hear.
It’s your friend who will tell you about that piece of parsley shining between your teeth when you smile. It’s your friend who will be the only one who tells you that your new dress makes you look like a blimp. It’s your friend who will risk it all to suggest that that boy or girl you’re in love with is leading you down the wrong path. It’s your friend who will be bold enough to say something about your addiction, your weakness, your sin. And then they will weep with you, and lift you up in their prayers, even when you have to be apart. Your true friends will always tell you the truth- even when it hurts.
How many people do you know are friends who will tell you the truth, even when it hurts? How many would risk offending you in order to help you? How many are so concerned about you that they would lovingly confront you when you do wrong?
How many of you are willing to be that kind of friend to someone else? How many of your friends need you to be willing to tell them the truth- even when it hurts?
That’s the kind of friend you need to have, and need to be. Anyone can tell you what you want to hear, but only a true friend tells you what you need to hear- the truth- even when it hurts.
Now maybe you think too yourself as we see this beautiful example of friendship between Jonathan and David, “Bro. Mike, I don’t have a friend like that.” That is where you would be wrong: you do have a friend like that. In fact, you have a Friend Who loves you even more than Jonathan loved David, or any other friend you have. Another proverb says:
Pr 18:24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
David and Jonathan give us a good example of what a friend should be, but the One Friend Who is the perfect example of friendship is Jesus. You can turn to Jesus even in trouble, and He will always be there. When everyone else leaves, and has no use for you, Jesus always loves you. And when you need the truth, and nobody else will bother to tell you, Jesus will always tell you the absolute, undeniable truth. In fact, Jesus did something for you that no other Friend can do- He died to save you from your sins. In fact, Jesus once said:
Jn 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.
You may not know it, but Jesus is your Best Friend. And He can help you become a better friend to others, if you will follow Him. With a friends like this, it doesn’t matter who are your enemies.
Out of the furnaces of war come many true stories of sacrificial friendship. One story tells of two friends in World War I, who were inseparable. They had enlisted together, trained together, were shipped overseas together and fought side-by-side in the trenches. During an attack, one of them was critically wounded in a field full of barbed wire. He was unable to crawl back to his foxhole. The entire area was under a withering enemy crossfire, and it was suicidal to try to reach him. Yet his friend decided to try. Before he could get out of his own trench, his sergeant yanked him back inside and ordered him not to go. “It’s too late. You can’t do him any good, and you’ll only get yourself killed.”
A few minutes later, the officer turned his back, and instantly the man was gone after his friend. A few minutes later, he staggered back, wounded, with his friend, now dead, in his arms. The sergeant was both angry and deeply moved. “What a waste,” he blurted out. “He’s dead and you’re dying. It just wasn’t worth it.” With almost his last breath, the dying man replied, “Oh, yes, it was, Sarge. When I got to him, the only thing he said was, ‘I knew you’d come, Jim!’”
Do you need a friend like this? Then you have to learn to be one. Let Jonathan and David teach us how to recognize our true friends, and how to be a better friend.
Do you know Jesus as your best friend? Why not come and discover this friend Who sticks closer than a brother?
