Text Illustrations

While we have a direct access to our Heavenly Father, imagine

if He had one of those computer-answering devices. It might be

something like this:

As we begin to pray we hear...

Thank you for calling your Heavenly Father’s house. Your call

may be monitored for quality assurance. Please select one of

the following options:

Press 1 for prayer requests

Press 2 for prayers of thanksgiving

Press 3 for prayers containing complaints

Press 4 for all other prayers

I’m sorry; all of our angels are busy helping other sinners

right now.

However, your prayers are important to us and will be answered

in the order received, so please stay on the line.

If you would like to leave a voice mail message for:

God (The Father) Press 1 now

Jesus Christ Press 2 now

The Holy Spirit Press 3 now

If you would like to hear the King David Singers sing a Psalm

while you are holding, please press 4 now.

To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, please

enter his or her Social Security number (without dashes), then

press the pound key. If you get a negative response try again

using area code 666. For reservations please dial 5646-316

(John 3-16). For nagging questions about dinosaurs, the real

age of the earth, where Noah’s Ark is, and any other questions,

please wait until you arrive here.

Our computers indicate that you have already prayed once today.

Please hang up and try again tomorrow. This office is closed

on weekends, and any State or Federal holiday. Please pray

again between 9:30 AM and 4:30 PM Monday through Friday (except

holidays). If you need emergency assistance when this office

is closed contact your local pastor.



SOURCE: Dennis White

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