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• Nothing ever looks like it does on the seed packet.

• Your lawn is always slightly bigger than your desire to mow it.

• Whichever garden tool you want is always at the back of the shed.

• The only way to ensure rain, is to give the garden a good soaking.

• Weeds grow at precisely the rate you pull them out.

• Autumn follows summer, winter follows autumn, drought follows planting.

• Evergreens go a funny shade of brown in the winter.

• The only way to guarantee some colour all year round is to buy a garden gnome.

• However bare the lawn, grass will appear in the cracks between the patio paving stones.

• "Annuals" mean disappointment once a year.

• When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

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