Has anyone decided what your New Year’s Resolutions will be for 2011? Before you do it, let’s take a look at how Resolutions tend to work out… Here are some examples:
2007: I will read at least 10 books this year
2008: I will try to finish the book I started last year.
2009: I will read most of my email this year
2010: I will sometimes read the comic section of the Sunday paper
Or for those of us who are constantly worrying about weight:
2007: I will work out 5 days a week and eat 500 calories a day until I lose 20 pounds
2008: I will work out 3 days a week and try to lose the 5 pounds I gained last year
2009: I will walk my dog and throw out that box of Twinkies next week.
Or for those of you with money issues:
2007: By next year I will be completely out of debt
2008: By next year I will pay the interest on my credit card
2009: By next year I will transfer my debt to a new credit card.
2010: By next year I will be out of the country
It reminds me of the man who said, At the end of my life, I hope many people will say of me: "Boy, that guy sure did owe me a lot of money."
Related Text Illustrations
Contributed by Tony Fox on Dec 12, 2000
ILL: This is an alleged New Year’s letter written from a church member to the pastor. Dear Pastor: You often stress attendance at worship as being very important for a Christian, but I think a person has a right to miss now and then. I think every person ought to be excused for the ...read more
Contributed by Bill Prater on Jan 3, 2001
‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house, nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I’d nibbled, the fudge I did taste, all the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a ...read more
Contributed by James Wilson on Nov 23, 2000
Focus on the Family compiled the following conclusions of the effectiveness of 25 years of addressing the search of intimacy with "safe sex" ideology. (From Fresh Illustrations) Ten percent of all 15 to 19 year-old females become pregnant each year. ("Kids Having Kids," A Robin Hood Foundation ...read more
Contributed by Steve Heartsill on Oct 25, 2000
A woman walked into her bathroom at home. As she did, she saw her husband weighing himself on the bathroom scales, sucking in his stomach. The woman thought to herself, "He thinks that he will weigh less by sucking in his stomach." So, the woman rather sarcastically said to her husband, ...read more
Contributed by Ted Sutherland on Feb 17, 2001
Charles Schultz, in a peanuts comic strip showed a conversation between Lucy and Charlie Brown. Lucy said that life is like a deck chair. Some place it so they can see where they are going; some place it so they can see where they have been; and some place it so they can see where they ...read more