CHARISMATICS: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.
PENTECOSTALS: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
PRESBYTERIANS: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
ROMAN CATHOLICS: None, they only use candles.
BAPTISTS: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
MORMONS (non-Christian of course): 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
JEHOVAHS WITNESSES: None, too busy knocking on doors telling everyone they have the wrong lights.
UNITARIANS (non-Christian of course): We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
METHODISTS: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or a dim bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service.
NAZARENES: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
LUTHERANS: None - Lutherans don’t believe in change.
AMISH: What’s a light bulb?
JEWS: Where’s Jacob’s ladder when you need it?
UNBELIEVERS: None, they’d rather sit in the dark
Related Text Illustrations
Contributed by Brian Mavis on Oct 27, 2000
You share Christ by imitating Christ. A story is told – by Fredrick Beuchner I believe – called “The Happy Hypocrite." It is a story about a man who was born with an awful facial deformity. He grew up alone and lonely. When reaching adulthood, he decided to move from his town to begin a new life. ...read more
Contributed by Richard Crow on May 24, 2001
The Department of Social Services in Greenville County, South Carolina sent the following letter to a deceased individual. "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March, 1992, because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You ...read more
Contributed by Sermoncentral on Sep 21, 2001
THE AGE BAROMETER Change is a fact of life. The older you are the more change you’ve seen. This morning I have a test called "The Age Barometer". By taking this simple test you can determine how old you really are. Give yourself one point for each item you remember: 1. Blackjack ...read more
Contributed by Steve Malone on Sep 25, 2001
We need to understand that our world is a fast changing world. Change is not necessary bad - if fact change is normal - Change is really a sign of life. Do you know, what the medical definition of death is? a body that does not change... During my sermon your body is going to change ...read more
Contributed by A. Todd Coget on May 24, 2002
Transformed by an Elevator A family from a remote area was making their first visit to a big city. They checked in to a grand hotel and stood in amazement at the impressive sight. Leaving the reception desk they came to the elevator entrance. They’d never seen an elevator before, and just ...read more