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Some time ago, I met with a woman in my office who came to me for marriage counseling. She came alone because she wanted to improve her marriage and save it. We only had one session together. I’m the kind of counselor that sends people home with homework. I encouraged her to look for ways to reduce her anger and affirm her husband. She said, “Wait a minute. It sounds like you’re making it look like I’m the problem.” I said, “No doubt the problem is on both parts. I’m not saying you’re the problem. I’m saying that you’re a big part of the solution.” “I don’t need to change.” She said. “He’s the problem. I’m coming to you for you to tell me that I have to change? You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ve been going to my other therapist for a year. He knows that the problem isn’t me. He never told me that I need to change. The problem is my husband.”

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