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HUMOROUS DEFINITIONS


Definitions matter. Do you know what these words mean?

ABDICATE: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

ANTIQUE: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you’re buying again.

AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do.

BALDERDASH: A rapidly receding hairline.

BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

COFFEE: A person who is coughed upon.

DERANGE: Where de buffalo roam.

EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their mistakes.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

GROCERY LIST: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

HINDSIGHT: What one experiences from changing too many diapers.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

MISTY: How golfers create divots.

OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom’s nickname for Dad.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

POLYGON: A dead parrot.

RELIEF: What trees do in the spring.

SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

VEGETARIAN: Old Indian word for bad hunter.


(From a sermon by Steven Simala Grant, Faith, Hope and Love? Mother’s Day, 5/15/2012)

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