Shacking Up In The House That Jack Built (Cohabiting A Rehash Of Old Poem)

Here’s one from memory lane with a new added twist at the end:

THIS THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT

This is the house that Jack built.

This is the malt

That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the rat,

That ate the malt

That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the cat,

That killed the rat,

That ate the malt

That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the dog,

That worried the cat,

That killed the rat,

That ate the malt

That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the cow with the crumpled horn,

That tossed the dog,

That worried the cat,

That killed the rat,

That ate the malt

That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the maiden all forlorn,

That milked the cow with the crumpled horn,

That tossed the dog,

That worried the cat,

That killed the rat,

That ate the malt

That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the man all tattered and torn,

That kissed the maiden all forlorn,

That milked the cow with the crumpled horn,

That tossed the dog,

That worried the cat,

That killed the rat,

That ate the malt

That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the priest all shaven and shorn,

But unlike in the original version of this old nursery rhyme,

this time,

he didn’t marry the man all tattered and torn,

That kissed the maiden all forlorn,

Instead she moved in with no marriage vow,

They said `aw who cares it’s what we do now’

I love you my darling- who cares what they say.

I’ll love you forever, and then for a day

And here’s the good thing, just one mortgage to pay

A great idea and we can save lots of money,

but a joint bank account,……. not a chance honey.

And so they had children – whose name shall they take? Oh I don’t care, just go bake a cake.

Then came year five for these cohabitees,

And like many others came a time of unease.

Hey… I don’t want to get married, I just want to feel pleased.

Well I never said it’s a lifetime of commitment

I really moved for the kitchen equipment.

Let’s call it a day then, just get on your way

Back to your cows and your milk and your hay

But I want half the house Mr Tattered and Torn

Well it’s mine you can’t have it you old maid forlorn.

So then came the lawyer, a court case to fit in

But the forlorn milk maid – well, she just didn’t win

For what you just did said the Judge – was living in sin.

But you can make an appeal……. too the one who can heal.

As for old Tattered, he was burdened with guilt,

He went back to the house, the one that Jack Built.

There was his old friend Michael Finnegan, I’m sure the same old story about to begin again agin.