Sermon Illustrations

Lillie Mae and the Rookie (Fruit of the Spirit) Gal 5:21-25

Do you all remember Bubba and Billy Bob; I called ole Bubba down in Hazel Green this week to check on Billy Bob, Daisy and the rest of the family. I ask him how everyone was doing. He said everything is fine with everyone; but they had a little excitement last week

It seems like Billy Bob's sister Lillie Mae Hensley had got in a little spat with the Huntsville Alabama Law enforcement.

Lillie Mae was talking to her husband Ben E. and told him she needed a new dress for church. she said Hazel Green ain't got no store except the Dollar General and she couldn't find anything there, so she was going to go to the J C Penny outlet store over in Decauter. Ben E. told her to go ahead but she'd better hold the speed down he wasn't paying for another speeding ticket.

Lillie Mae got her beach music cd and started out for Decauter in her new CTS Cadillac. As she drove through Hazel Green, she watches her speed real good and kept a look out for Sherriff Barney. When she got to the outskirts of Huntsville, she relaxed up a little bit and put in her beach music cd. The faster that music played the heavier her foot got on that accelerator. She was jamming out to the Beach Boys and Jan and Dean. Dick Dale came on playing Surf Beat and poor ole Lillie was going about 95 in a 35. That’s when the problem started. This young patrol man just out of the police academy fell in behind her and turned on them blue lights, Now Lillie remembered what Ben E. had told her about another speeding ticket, she had to think fast Here is part of the conversation between Lillie and the rookie Police Officer

Lillie: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Lillie: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Lillie: I'd give it to you, but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Lillie: Lost it after being convicted 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Lillie: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Lillie: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Lillie: Yes, I was hitchhiking over at Guntersville and this couple in this car picked me up and I killed and hacked them up

Officer: You what?

Lillie: Their body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within 35 seconds 5 police cars and a swat team van circle the car. You could hear the sound of the swat team as they locked and loaded their m16 rifles they were ready to take out a menace to society. The Chief of police slowly approaches the car, clasping his drawn gun..

Chief of police: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle


Miss Lillie steps out of her vehicle.

Lillie: Is there a problem sir?

Chief: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owners.

Lillie: Murdered the owners?

Chief: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

Lillie opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Chief: Is this your car, ma'am?

Lillie: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Chief: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

Lillie digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Chief : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying Rascal told you I was speeding too, going 95 in a 35 that young man needs a talking to, I bet he don't know if you lie you fry

Lillie pulls out with the officers scratching their heads and looking at the WWJD and the meet me at church on Sunday bumper sticker 0n the rear of her car.

I don't think Lillie did what Jesus would do; nor was she a good ambassador for the Lord

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