Sermon Illustrations

If you do any of the shopping, probably the strangest part is at the checkout. (No offence yvone). The magazine section there is perhaps the strangest collection in print. One favourite is the Hollywood marriage and divorce scene. Some of the comments on the circus include:

• In Hollywood they get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.

• The hardest thing in Hollywood is to keep the marriage a secret until the divorce leaks out.

• I was invited to a Hollywood wedding. Traffic was heavy, so I got there late -- just in time for the divorce.

• One Hollywood kid has good reason to be proud: at the last PTA meeting, he won the prize for having the most parents there.

• One actress is very sentimental: she always gets divorced in the dress her mother was married in.

• A Hollywood bride looked around as the groom put her down after carrying her across the threshold. Puzzled, the Hollywood bride said, "This place looks familiar. Have we been married before?".

The stars themselves tend to be the most self-deprecating:

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

"My wife loves to shop. Spends all my money. One week she was sick -- three stores went out of business. The woman will bring home anything marked down. Last week she brought home an escalator. She said she lost her purse and all her credit cards were in it. Did I report them stolen? No -- the thief spends less than she does. Take my wife -- please!"

-- Henny Youngman