(From Speaker’s Sourcebook II by Glenn Ven Eckeren)
Perhaps you heard about the church that planned to have the “No Excuse” Sunday Service….
Their advertisement for their “No Excuse Sunday” read as follows….
Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who the pews are too hard.
Eye drops will be available for those who have “tired eyes” from watching TV too late Saturday night.
We will have steel helmets for those who say
"The roof would cave in if I ever went to church."
Blankets will be provided for those who think the
church is too cold and fans will be provided for those
who think the church is too hot.
Scorecards will be available for those who wish to
list the hypocrites present in church.
Relatives will be in attendance for those who
like to go visiting their family on Sundays.
There will be TV dinners for those who can’t go to
church because they have to cook dinner.
We will distribute “stamp out stewardship” buttons for those who feel the church is always asking for money.
One section will be devoted to trees and grass for
all those who like to see God in nature.
Doctors and Nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
Finally, the sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those
who have never seen the church without them.
We will have hearing aids for those who say the
preacher speaks too softly and cotton for those who
say he preaches too loudly.
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