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how about the story of a woman called Shirley who had a heart attack and was taken to hospital. And while she was there she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "God, Is this it? Is this my time?" And God said, "No, you’ve got another 30 or 40 years to live yet."

So as soon as she recovered, she decided to stay in hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair style and hair colour. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

But when she walked out of the hospital after the last operation she got knocked down and killed by a bus. She arrived back in heaven and she said, "God, I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years left?" And God said, ‘Shirley is that you? Sorry I didn’t recognise you’.

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