THE 5 BIGGEST MISTAKES THAT THREATEN RELATIONSHIPS
Dr. Edward Hallowell and his wife, Sue, authors of Married to Distraction: Restoring Intimacy and Strengthening Your Marriage in an Age of Distraction, teach you how to spot hidden distractions in your relationship and reveal the mistakes you may not realize you're making.
"It's where you say, 'I'm just going to go check my e-mail,' and two hours later, you're still there," Dr. Hallowell says, noting that an interactive screen can suck you in and before you know it, hours have passed spending mindless time on the computer.
Don't become a victim to your own enthusiasm. "It's when you have so many things that you put on your plate--volunteering, dealing with the kids, seeing your friends--that you really don't have time to pay attention to the things that you really need to pay attention to," Sue says. To become close to another person, you must pay attention. It's important to do this repeatedly over time.
3. No Boundaries
"The great thing about modern life is that we've broken down all boundaries. The danger about modern life is that we've broken down all boundaries," Dr. Hallowell says. "So, you're out to lunch with your best friend, and you take a call. So we're available anywhere, anytime to the world, which is great, as long as we're in charge, but when it's in charge of us, life goes out the window." Avoid this by turning off your electronic devices when you are with your spouse. Don't allow others to intrude upon your life with each other.
4. Getting Too Busy
This is when you are doing too many things at one time. "I'll be attending to everything else, and Ned will be like, 'Will you just spend a few minutes talking to me?'" Sue explains. Don't make yourself too busy during the day that when you get home all you want to do is check out and not connect with your partner.
5. Drifting Apart
It's a passive action, just allowing your relationship to wither away without taking action to stop it, or believing that you can take care of it at a later time. "Our message is that you absolutely do have a choice," Dr. Hallowell says. Sue adds that it's important to take control of your life instead of letting your life take control of you.
The Hallowells also advocate adding "play time" in your relationship. "Play is the action of love. Play is the reward. Play is what you do after you've done those first four, and you're together and you say, 'Hey, we're actually having fun!'" Dr. Hallowell says. "You can be having fun and spending no money. Just be together. It's fun. It's playful. It's what you did as kids. It's what you ought to do as adults, and we say play is the action of love."
For more from Dr. Hallowell and Sue, read:
Married to Distraction: Restoring Intimacy and Strengthening Your Marriage in an Age of Distraction
Related Sermon Illustrations
Contributed by Charles R. Swindoll on Sep 27, 2004
Cnidius, a skillful architect, building a watchtower for the King of Egypt, caused his own name to be engraved upon a stone in the wall in great letters, and afterwards covered it, with lime and mortar, and upon the outside of that wrote the name of the King of Egypt in golden letters. This was all ...read more
Contributed by Brad Bailey on Aug 6, 2004
Some may remember an experience I shared in our Vineyard Voice newsletter last year. I had begun a personal tradition on Christmas Eve after the Christmas Eve service, of making a large amount of hot cider and taking it to all the homeless I could find on the corners and crevices of town. On this ...read more
Contributed by Richard Mcnair on Oct 27, 2004
A heard about a man that took his wife to a marriage counselor and they told him all their problems. Finally after an hour of listening the counselor got up, walked around the desk, lifted her up out of her chair, and gave her a kiss that took her breath away. He turned to the husband and said, ...read more
Contributed by Davon Huss on Oct 27, 2003
In my study for the Fishers of Men series I came across an essay written by A. J. McClane called, “The Song of the Angler.” In this essay he examines why fishermen fish. 1. People fish for each others company, for the fellowship. Able to share in a common activity. People fish for the ...read more
Contributed by Ken Harris on Oct 28, 2010
The purpose of this sermon is to motivate ther hearers to affirm to others that while it is important to men to "not talk" (but feel an ego boost), it is equally important to women "to talk" (in order to feel fulfilled).
Contributed by Tim Smith on Oct 28, 2008
Divorce is a near universal experience as pervasive as it has become. Some of you are still dealing with the pains of divorce. For some, it may be hard to sit here without tears running down your face. Others of you are struggling in your marriage and sec
Contributed by Rick Duncan on Aug 27, 2005
You may be here this morning feeling like your marriage has died and there is no point in going on. But remember: We serve a God who resurrected His dead Son from the grave, and who promises to make that same resurrection power available to those who tru