Contributed by Jim Kane on Feb 6, 2009
This is the time of year when we attempt to fulfill our New Year's excuses...oops, I mean resolutions. And speaking of resolutions...oops, I mean excuses, I found several good ones this week as I prepared for this morning. I make no excuse for any of them.
This is one
Contributed by Paul Barreca on Dec 24, 2011
We live in a word of excuses. Here are some complied by the Readers Digest that have been offered for not showing up for work:
"I dreamed I was fired, so I didn't want to get out of bed."
"I was up all night arguing with God."
"A raccoon stole my work shoe off my
Contributed by Terry Laughlin on Aug 11, 2008
In Luke 14:16 - 24, Jesus teaches using the "Parable of the Great Banquet." In it, Jesus shares about a man who was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests. It was the custom then, as it is today, to send out invitations to such a special event quite a long
Contributed by Sermoncentral on Aug 10, 2011
A UNIQUE EXCUSE
A man who bought a brand new Mercedes and got out on the interstate. It was a convertible and the top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair, and he decided he would open it up to see what it could do. The needle hit 80 miles an hour, then 90, then 100, then 110, then
Contributed by Gene Gregory on Jul 24, 2007
The story is told of a terrible traffic accident. Police officers were called to the scene and when they arrived they found a husband, wife, and 2 children lying unconscious in the car. They pulled them from the car, and as they waited for the paramedics to arrive they noticed a monkey in the car
Contributed by Dan Cormie on Jan 8, 2007
From the movie Rocky Balboa:
Rocky’s son is frustrated from living his life in his dad’s big shadow after a heated rebuke from his son Rocky gives this little speech.
"You ain’t gonna believe this, but you used to fit right here. I’d hold you up, to say to your mother, this kid is gonna be the
Contributed by A. Todd Coget on Jan 17, 2002
Zig Ziglar writes:
My brother, the late Judge Ziglar, loved to tell the story of the fellow who went next door to borrow his neighbor’s lawnmower.
The neighbor explained that he could not let him use the mower because all the flights had been canceled from New York to Los Angeles.
Contributed by Sheila Crowe on Oct 11, 2002
"No Excuse Sunday." Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in." Murine will be available for those with tired eyes... from watching television too late on Saturday night. We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever
Contributed by Davon Huss on Mar 16, 2009
BEST SPEEDING-TICKET EXCUSE
A convention of Arkansas State troopers was asked to submit the best excuse they’d ever heard for someone trying to get out of a speeding ticket. The winning entry was submitted by a trooper who clocked a semi-tractor truck speeding down the interstate. The trooper
Contributed by Larry Moyer on Aug 5, 2009
NO GOOD REASON, JUST AN EXCUSE
Some time ago I spoke to a man in the Air Force. He admitted to me that he did not know if he was going to heaven. So I pulled a 3x5 card from my pocket and said, "I would like you to list on that card whatever is keeping you from trusting Christ right now."
Contributed by Rodelio Mallari on Nov 20, 2010
10 MOST USED EXCUSES
1. I forgot.
2. No one told me to go ahead.
3. I didn't think it was that important.
4. Wait until the boss comes back and ask him.
5. I didn't know you were in a hurry for it.
6. That's the way we've always done it.
7. That's not in my department.
8. How was I
Contributed by Sermoncentral on Apr 15, 2011
ANY EXCUSE WILL DO
In one of the “Big Three” conferences during World War II, Roosevelt and Churchill were trying to get Stalin to agree with some proposed strategy. When Stalin gave his reason or excuse for not agreeing with them, they said, “That is no reason for your refusal!” Stalin replied
Contributed by Paul Steen on Dec 11, 2017
A boy ran into his house to tell his mom something. He had a dead rat in his hand. But he didn't notice that the pastor of their church was talking to his mom.
The boy said, “Mom, you'll never guess what! I was out behind the garage and there was this rat. I picked up a rock and threw it and
Contributed by Sheila Crowe on Oct 11, 2002
They are kind of like the excuses I use for not attending sporting events.
1. Every time I went, they asked for money.
2. The people I sat next to didn’t seem friendly.
3. The seats were too hard and not comfortable at all.
4. I went to many games but the coach never came
Contributed by Tony Dicostanzo on Jan 22, 2003
Illustration: Don’t look for excuses to lose. Look for excuses to win.