Good News: You baptised seven people today in the river. Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.

Good News: The women's group voted to send you a get-well card. Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.

Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.

Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of the parsonage.

Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.

Bad News: You were on vacation.

Good News: Your biggest critic just left your community.

Bad News: He has been appointed as your conference bishop.

Good News: The youth of the church came to your house for a visit.

Bad News: It was in the middle of the night and they were armed with toilet paper and shaving cream.

Good News: The Church Council has agreed to send you to the Holy Land for study. Bad News: They are waiting for war to break out before sending you.

Funnnnnnnnnnnnnnny!!!!!