• Nothing ever looks like it does on the seed packet.

• Your lawn is always slightly bigger than your desire to mow it.

• Whichever garden tool you want is always at the back of the shed.

• The only way to ensure rain, is to give the garden a good soaking.

• Weeds grow at precisely the rate you pull them out.

• Autumn follows summer, winter follows autumn, drought follows planting.

• Evergreens go a funny shade of brown in the winter.

• The only way to guarantee some colour all year round is to buy a garden gnome.

• However bare the lawn, grass will appear in the cracks between the patio paving


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