When a couple is in conflict, you find what you are looking for. If you are looking to find fault with your wife, you will find it! If you are looking to find fault with another church member, you will find it. If you are convinced that someone or a some group of people are snobish, or rude, or greedy, or whatever, you will find examples to support your prejudice.
In counseling people, I like to call this the “Yellow Volkswagon Syndrome.” When I was twelve, my older sister bought a yellow VW beatle. I thought that car was pretty cool. As soon as she got it, I began to notice all the yellow VW’s driving around town. In truth, there was only one more yellow VW than before - my sister’s. But I was tuned in to look for yellow VW’s, and not surprisingly, I found what I was looking for.