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Summary: A sermon dedicated to fathers.

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Someone wrote these humorous words entitled, "The World According to Dad." These are words that most dads have said at some time or another to their children.

- This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.

- Quiet. I’m watching the ball game.

- Don’t forget to check the oil.

- Bring back all the change.

- How should I know? Ask your mother.

- I’m not made out of money!

- When I was your age I walked 5 miles to and from school each day and it was uphill both ways.

- You are going and you will have fun!

- Who’s paying the bills around here, anyway?

- If you break your leg don’t come running to me.

- Don’t put your feet on the furniture. Your mother will kill you.

- Get down before you kill yourself. On second thought, go ahead.

- Quit playing with your food.

- Be quiet! Can’t you see I’m trying to think!

- Why? Because I said so!

- If you don’t quit that I’m going to call your mother.

- You better get that junk picked up before your mother comes in here.

- Just wait till you have kids of your own.

- I was not asleep. I was just resting my eyes.

Someone said, "Parents spend the first part of a child’s life urging him to talk and walk, and the rest of his childhood telling him to sit down and keep quiet."

One father said to his teenage son, "Do you mind if I use the car tonight? I’m taking your mother out to eat and I would like to impress her."

Father said to his daughter, "What’s wrong, Judy? Usually you talk on the phone for hours. This time you only talked for 30 minutes. How come?"

Judy replied, "It was the wrong number."

This is my first Father’s Day to celebrate as a Father. I’ve gotten my first Father’s day gift, my first “Happy Father’s Day” wish, my first Father’s Day dirty diaper.

At some point, I’m going to be responsible for cooking the family barbeque. That brings me to this illustration:

THE DEFINITION OF BARBECUING

It’s the only type of cooking a "real man" will do. When a man volunteers to do the ’BBQ’ the following chain of events is put into motion:

1) The woman goes to the store.

2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray

along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the

man, who is lounging beside the grill.

4) The man places the meat on the grill.

5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

10) Everyone praises the man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.

11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And,

upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s

just no pleasing some women.

What amazes me today, on this my first real Father’s day, is the lack of real fathers in the world. We celebrate fathers on the third Sunday of the month of June, but yet, they just do not appear much of the rest of the calendar.


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