Summary: "Why did I do something even though I knew what the outcome would be?" Even though I knew what direction God would want me to go, I continued to move in the direction I knew better than to go.
I was asked a question the other day and, as I was seeking the answer, God brought me to these verses. The question was, "Why did I do something even though I knew what the outcome would be?" Even though I knew what direction God would want me to go, I continued to move in the direction I knew better than to go. I am sure God wanted me to turn and run away as fast as I could in a different direction. In life we have so many choices and so many directions we can go. This particuliar instance involved an affair of the heart. And, against my better judgement and against the direction I was told to go, I jumped in anyway in my own direction. If I had followed the direction I knew was right, instead of the direction I chose, I would not have suffered the pain and heartache I have suffered. I would not have allowed myself to dream of a love that was never going to be returned. I would not have allowed myself to open my heart to one that was closed to me. I would not have allowed myself to be open to the pain I knew I would suffer.
All of you have probably experienced similiar situations. One of the worst parts of this was, I did not forget to ask God for guidance, I simply chose not to listen. I was led by the lust of the flesh and, as such, I paid the price for this iniquity. We are all born sinners and are all under the influence of the lust of the flesh. However, we all have the ability to make the right choices. God gave us free will and will never interfere with this. With anything we do in life, we have choices to make. Some are easier than others. We may choose what kind of vehicle we want and even what color we want it to be. We may choose what color we want our house, what movie to see, what concerts to attend, what sports to attend, what we want to eat, and so forth. This list is one in which many of the choices are most likely decided without ever seeking God’s guidance. We make choices every day that we can make on our own and without much thought.
However, there are choices that are life changing and can impact our lives. Some of these are where we live, what school we attend, relationships and on and on. These are the things we are to seek God to help guide us. This is where we get into the decisions that are life changing. It is here that we seem to lack guidance. We may be led one direction by God but choose, through our free will, to go another direction. We may even know before hand and understand the consequences of these choices. We, however, for whatever reason choose to go our own way. This is where we are being led by the the natural tendency of sin. We are being led by the lust of the flesh. We are not doing what is directed by God we are doing what we desire.
In my situation, which was again, an affair of the heart, one that I should have never, ever followed, I was being led by my own desire to have what was forbidden. I was reaching for what I was told, by God, I could not have. I was hoping that maybe this time God was wrong and that I would be right. I am not a stupid person, I seem to have to learn this lesson over and over again. I knew that God was right and that I should do as guided by Him. Yet, I let the sin of the flesh overcome me. I allowed the desire of my own heart to override the desire to do God’s will. I allowed myself to shut God out and to not surrender unto His will. It is a mistake I soon regretted and soon suffered a heart break worse than I can ever remember suffering. God had worked so hard to teach me how to love, how to submit to that love and how to serve through love. Then this woman came into my life. I asked and was told no, stay away, run as fast as you can from her. But I said, "God you taught me to love, taught me to serve through love and to submit unto love. So now I am going to take that knowledge and put it into action." And that is just what I did. I didn’t listen as He said, "I taught you these things for the right one, and she is the wrong one." I chose, with my free will, to say, "She is the right one."